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Original poster

To be annoyed with DP over cancelled holiday

138 replies

libertybonds · 20/08/2024 21:04

This has been a horrible year.

We can't have a normal summer holiday for various reasons, but DP and I agreed to take a special long weekend abroad in September. I got it all booked up a few days ago after a lengthy discussion over several weeks.

Today he told me that he forgot he had an immovable work commitment on the Thursday so we have to cancel??? He wants to rebook in the UK due to the shorter travel times.

He says he is sorry and disappointed, but he has form for calendar incompetence.

I'm extremely angry.

YABU: Give him a break and suck it up, travel in the UK

YANBU: What a knob

OP posts:
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Imisssleep2 · 26/08/2024 18:54

Men are incompetent with calendars full stop, I wonder how my husband would survive without me tbh.

Go with a friend or family member if he can't go and tell him to book a UK one when he is available to go and let you know the details.

Notamum12345577 · 26/08/2024 16:22

StormingNorman · 20/08/2024 22:16

My DH has a busy schedule so I always ask his diary manager to double check the dates he’s given me before booking. Then I put it in his diary and call the diary manager to re-confirm and have her accept the invite while I’m on the phone. Then we book.

It’s not infallible but it helps.

A lot of businesses would not be happy to have a wife or partner call up to check the employees diary! Unless he is self employed and is the boss! 😁

DecoratingDiva · 26/08/2024 15:43

libertybonds · 20/08/2024 22:03

I don't want his career to be impacted.

He really does care about my happiness, he's just fucking incompetent with planning his time.

He's really hopeless with practical matters and I kind of have to organise everything/remind him of stuff.

I think he's always been like this.

If he really cared about your happiness he would not be like this, he would make an effort to change.

You know he won’t change, just be prepared for a lifetime of reworking everything around him, and if you do have children together, going to every school thing alone, making apologies for him when he inevitably forgets their birthday or things that are importance to the rest of the family and essentially being a single parent with a forgetful lodger.

GreatMistakes · 22/08/2024 12:27

Is he paying out od pocket for the mistake from his own finances? Thats a must.

Holidayhell22 · 22/08/2024 12:23

I would go with someone else.
Then if he wants to away with you, let him book it.

Billydavey · 21/08/2024 13:46

Boredlass · 21/08/2024 10:30

Ignore the people calling your DH a kno . I did this once and we rebooked. I had just forgot about an important thing I had coming up. Obviously if I had posted on Mumsnet, everyone would be telling my DH to leave me over a mistake. Actually, I doubt they would’ve…

He’d be abusive for wanting to go by himself or showing the slightest annoyance at you…

Naunet · 21/08/2024 13:46

Hateam · 21/08/2024 13:43

Well, it's based on the words that you say actually.

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But none of us have said what we’d say if he was female, you’re using your imagination to make that guess. It’s like if I said you’re sexist because you wouldn’t pander to him if he was female, even though I have no basis for that, I don’t know you, you don’t know the posters on this thread, but felt the need to insult us, it’s very rude.

MeowCatPleaseMeowBack · 21/08/2024 13:45

libertybonds · 20/08/2024 22:04

@AnOldCynic it's an important team building exercise and if he wants to progress his career (and if I want him to) then he really needs to attend

I really doubt his promotion or reputation hinges on one team-building exercise.

CoralReader · 21/08/2024 13:43

ImAFemaleVersionOfRoyKeane · 21/08/2024 02:33

But if you messed up it wouldn't be your husband dropping you! He'd just be going as planned!

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And you know the husband how?

Hateam · 21/08/2024 13:43

Naunet · 21/08/2024 12:36

So you’re calling us all sexist based on nothing but your imagination? Lovely.

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Well, it's based on the words that you say actually.

StormingNorman · 21/08/2024 13:42

NeedToChangeName · 21/08/2024 10:32

I find that so depressing..............

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I cry myself to sleep the three or four times a year I need to do it 😂

StormingNorman · 21/08/2024 13:37

Bumblebeestiltskin · 21/08/2024 10:17

Aww, his got his 2 mummies to arrange everything because he's a very, very important little man and can't do it himself.

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Exactly that.

Bumblebeestiltskin · 21/08/2024 13:27

libertybonds · 21/08/2024 11:54

He really is a kind, sincere, and well-meaning person. He's in an extremely intellectual career and is reasonably successful because he is intelligent and thoughtful.

Tbh, though, I think that his lack of organisation has probably held him back: this is a personality thing, not a dickish misogyny thing.

I'm factoring this type of thing in as I consider the baby question, but he's not a bad person and he doesn't take advantage of me.

Not taking advantage of you and not being a bad person is pretty much the bare minimum. Please don't use that incredibly low bar to base your decision on having children with him on.

SnowflakeSmasher86 · 21/08/2024 13:02

Temporaryname158 · 21/08/2024 08:29

I have an ex husband like this!

never missed football training or work meetings but frequently messed up dates we had booked to go away, visit my family (never a problem for his) or he was too busy for my things but not his.

1 staff day at work isn’t going to be pivotal in his entire career, his overall performance will be and you are being put at the bottom of the pile. He is using this to manipulate you. I don’t know 1 person who got promotion because of attending 1 staff day, they got it for excellent overall achievement.

id go with a friend or he joins you later. If he refuse to join you later go with a friend.

you are offering up excuses for him but it sounds like he has form for this and basically it just comes down to you not being important enough to remember. I bet you don’t diary fuck up your child’s school play etc, that’s important so you prioritise it

In fairness my son got a job in a different department by chatting to the big boss at a work bbq so I can see why social events could be important for networking but still, if he’s otherwise competent and valued in his role he’ll be fine without going kayaking with the accounts team.

IOnlyNeedTheSilence · 21/08/2024 12:47

Ummm, it's called offering a different point of view.

If MN was just a roll call of everyone who agreed with the first response to the OP it'd be pretty fucking dull.

Naunet · 21/08/2024 12:36

Hateam · 21/08/2024 11:09

I think many people are piling on because it's a man. If the sexes were reversed, this would be a very different thread.

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So you’re calling us all sexist based on nothing but your imagination? Lovely.

Mandylovescandy · 21/08/2024 12:35

My DP is like this, genuinely useless with a calendar (and does mess up his own stuff and work stuff as well as family stuff). The problem is that I do end up having to work around it otherwise me and the kids are the ones negatively impacted and then it gets worse because I guess he does know I will sort it out. I don't have a solution but yes I would go on a holiday without him if he had messed up despite me double checking dates with him and I am trying to do much less solving of the problem for him. Good luck

Original poster
libertybonds · 21/08/2024 11:54

He really is a kind, sincere, and well-meaning person. He's in an extremely intellectual career and is reasonably successful because he is intelligent and thoughtful.

Tbh, though, I think that his lack of organisation has probably held him back: this is a personality thing, not a dickish misogyny thing.

I'm factoring this type of thing in as I consider the baby question, but he's not a bad person and he doesn't take advantage of me.

OP posts:
betterangels · 21/08/2024 11:52

IOnlyNeedTheSilence · 21/08/2024 11:42

Yeah I'm a shit

Likely not. I guess I don't understand how people can cope with these things at work but not at home where presumably others are also inconvenienced, like in the workplace.

It would annoy me. But oh well.

IOnlyNeedTheSilence · 21/08/2024 11:42

Yeah I'm a shit

Hateam · 21/08/2024 11:40

betterangels · 21/08/2024 11:30

Exactly. Once or twice is a mistake. Beyond that it's a choice for most people.

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OK. Fair enough.

Sorry @ionlyneedthesilence but @betterangels says you're doing it deliberately.

Your poor husband.

betterangels · 21/08/2024 11:30

TadpolesInPool · 21/08/2024 10:45

The key difference is you did it ONCE. OPs DP is apparently often useful with practical things and organisation. She frequently has to remind him. This is exhausting and unfair between 2 adults.

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Exactly. Once or twice is a mistake. Beyond that it's a choice for most people.

IOnlyNeedTheSilence · 21/08/2024 11:13

Yes so much @Hateam

I mean men as a sex are shit in lots of ways. As individuals they're allowed to make genuine mistakes.

Hateam · 21/08/2024 11:09

IOnlyNeedTheSilence · 21/08/2024 11:06

The overreaction is depressing. People make mistakes.

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I think many people are piling on because it's a man. If the sexes were reversed, this would be a very different thread.

IOnlyNeedTheSilence · 21/08/2024 11:08

I mean, I lose stuff all the time.

All the time.

Keys. Bank card. Once went out and left the front door wide open (ok, not once). I'm a nightmare.

My DH is occasionally driven to despair but it's really not a LTB, oh my god we can't have kids together type situation.

And yes I'm much more organised at work. I don't know why that's true, but it is.

<awaits hundreds of women saying my husband should leave me and not reward my incompetence by keeping my passport in a safe>

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