SS visited today

So many people seem to have had terrible experiences with health visitors, myself included. What is that about?

Of course there are amazing ones, too, but it does stand out that there are so many awful experiences, more than say with midwives, or even social workers. Is it a training issue? Are certain types of people attracted to the role? There’s something going on.

Me too, that really creeped me out.

@Cerealkiller4U I'm so sorry you went through that. How is your DD now?

For moral support and to vent her shock/anger. She has given examples which is more than enough. We don't need specifics. They'd only detract from what the OP needs from her post.

Health visitors are c u n t ,@#$$ they will shop you to ss for anything

@sotiredandconfused Why have you posted on here if you refuse to describe any of the main issue? I'm so confused

I've just remembered some other things the HV wrote in the HV notes:

1. She stated that the next appointment was on X date and that "mum probably won't turn up". Cheeky cow. I did turn up as it happens.
2. After I made a formal complaint about her, and told her supervisor that she was not to have anything to do with my family again, the HV then wrote a letter to my GP, stating she had "significant concerns", for my baby's welfare. This was several months after the SW that she had involved had clearly stated there were no safeguarding concerns, and NFA had been taken. This HV, seriously had it in for me. I swear, if I had a well-spoken southern English accent, this wouldn't have happened. Snobby stuck-up bitch.

My HV with my previous child was AMAZING, (she was from the same place as me).

In my situation, I didn't immediately realise what was going on. I got a phone call from the social worker. (We'd had another one who was wonderfully supportive when Mum was still living in her own rented home; the new one took over after Mum moved in with us: we built on accommodation for her.)

I can't remember exactly what she said to me, but once the penny dropped I angrily told her go consult the nutritionist. I was later told that the nutritionist had said that we were already doing everything that she would have suggested.

I suppose they might also have contacted Mum's GP, in order to get confirmation of her medical history. (I had previously nursed Mum through a bad chest infection with the help of the Hospital at Home service, courtesy of her marvellous GP.)

I’m going to assume she was wearing a fascinator. It doesn’t really matter because the SW had no concerns.

I had a SW visit after DD was born. HV had reported that I had bruises on my arms. I'd had a c sec and have weak veins from a connective tissue disorder. She didn't ask me. I wasn't in a happy relationship but there was no physical violence by that point. It created a lot of unnecessary stress for me. She didn't even ask me during the visit, just made assumptions re a lot of things. For example I had a baby bouncer chair like millions of parents, and she said that I was getting baby to sleep sat up. Wtf..? DD had a moses basket downstairs, bassinet pram, beanbag... she just made up a load of stuff and there were 0 repercussions for it. She was lovely to my face and expressed no concerns whatsoever. Nothing came of the referral but it was a shock. I believe you because this happened to me!

I've had a scarily similar experience in the past with my HV. Dressed to the nines, all fake niceness in front of me, then reported me to SS without my knowledge. When I got a SAR of our HV records, they made for shocking reading. She lied and fabricated so many things. I too had an unexpected knock from a SW at the door. No further action thankfully.

It's frustrating when you get so many commenters who question and don't believe you. Or say how they work with SS/HV and this would never happen etc. It absolutely does happen. Some HV's & SW's don't follow procedures at all times, some also are incompetent, some also are down right corrupt and lie and fabricate things on records. Believe me, it happens.

I used to be a teacher, and to say I was appalled at the things the HV wrote about me in the HV notes is an understatement. She basically implied I was a piece of scum, this was purely based on me not having a posh southern English accent (I'm not from the area), she was basically a snob who thought northerners were scummy and not competent to raise children without SS intervention. She also didn't believe that I owned our house and wrote in the HV notes "mother claims she owns the house, but it must be rented". Honestly, you can't make this shit up. No doubt, there will be plenty who refuse to believe me, but the SAR records don't lie!!!

@sotiredandconfused I'm sorry you've been put through this. I've been there, and it's really fucking shit. I'm glad you've made a complaint against that piece of shit HV. Good luck x

I think many kids pretend to be animals - my daughter (3) woke up as a butterfly emerging from her cocoon and has since been a cat, dinosaur, dog and monster in one day. It’s completely normal imaginative play - I love that she has such a huge imagination and we usually join in with her running around pretending to be creatures. The cat phase is annoying when you are going for a walk and suddenly they’re a cat on all fours refusing to move lol.

Sleeping with their dad is fine, so not strange. My daughter comes in most mornings around 5am and mostly I stay with her but I often get tired of being kicked in the head and ask him to take a turn being a football. He’ll often fall asleep next to her reading stories and I’ll have to wake him up.

It doesn't seem very practical and does seem over dressy. As I said, I'm old. However, I should imagine that someone dressed like that might have difficulty interacting with a small child. Her choice.

Bull. I was involved with SS because my late mother had dementia and we had to organise homecare through them.

Mum went to daycare once a week. SS conducted a brief investigation because daycare thought Mum wasn't being fed. Fortunately, our care team and the local nutritionist put that accusation to bed. ( I worked full time.)

Mum was painfully thin because she was in her late 80s, had dementia and was refusing to eat normally. She also had extreme osteoporosis which compressed her internal organs. By then, her breakfast consisted of a large bowl of Rice Krispies. Other meals were sweet things only plus nutritional drinks. I'd asked to see the nutritionist in case there was anything else we could try.

Mum had been picked up late for daycare, it turned out, so she'd not had a mid-morning snack. (On non-daycare days, a carer would cut a cake into small pieces for her.) When she got there: "Are you hungry?"

"Starving!"

The other evidence of her being starved was that there were rice krispies on the floor when she was picked up. She had still been eating when the carer had left. She used to spill food by then, so the bowl was always filled to the top. (She was still able to feed herself at that point; later, we had to feed her.)

In what respect? I’m assuming she didn’t turn up in a floor length dress and the biggest complaint is just literally the fabric.

I'm old, I guess, but a satin dress really doesn't sound like an appropriate outfit for a home visit.

@mouseyowl OP said she lives in a disadvantaged area

I wasn't being rude.
I genuinely think that poster needs some help with understanding the thread.

@Nadeed is Wales 'a poor area' bit of a sweeping statement!

Op you sound a little unhinged.

I'm very MC, the posh end, and I've been to weddings where people turn up liking like they've wandered in from the supermarket, so you are going to have to describe what 'posh' 'dressed up for a wedding' looks like.
I actually observed the posher you are the more disheveled you can look, so she doesn't sound posh to me.

As your DD is likely to be ND did you realise that trauma can manifest as ND, especially in young non-verbal children.
I have no idea if you were defensively spoiling for a fight with the HV or she genuinely has throw lots of complete false curve balls which would obviously would shock and hurt anyone in that situation.

Is the DP sleeping with your DD biologically her father? Because if not (and I know NAMALT) that would make me feel uncomfortable about the situation. I know that's bad, but stepfathers especially account for such a huge percentage of sexual abuse reported. I know loads won't like me saying that, I'm not trying to be inflammatory.

You don't need to mention every little detail to make a post.

The HV is crazy.

Bloody hell.

My mum had a long hospital stay when I was 7. I stayed with an aunt and uncle during the week and Dad at the weekends. Sometimes I cuddled in with him. It was comforting, particularly since I was missing Mum.

What OP considers OTT or "wedding attire" might be just well dressed to someone else.

There was no need to be rude to that poster.

@sotiredandconfused Totally agree with this. TBH If I was the HV and you behaved/spoke/demonstrated a lack of lucidity like this during a visit I would be concerned.

Sorry but no smoke without fire. If your family are involved with SS there’s a reason for that.