SS visited today

My initial HV neglected her responsibility for looking after me, I got very sick. I complained and said I never wanted her to work with me anymore and that was fine, it was recorded and another HV was assigned to me.

But if there's a cage, and a bowl on the floor with dog food for the child to eat from then it would be a matter for SS. A hv would know about a child's development and imaginary play, somewhere there must have been concerns it was more than that.

No, they can't! Some people's minds!!

It's perfectly normal for a child to want to snuggle in with a caregiver to feel safe.

Poor OP is reporting that the HV has distorted facts an acted unprofessionally, SS has even suggested making a complaint against her yet here are the MN mafia insisting there's something going on an there's no smoke without fire!

What I would say is health visitors are over worked and under staffed. Social services forms take time to fill in. Time not allocated to a visit. Even if unfounded later, its highly unlikely she made a referral for the jolly of it with no factual purpose.

However, making complaints about professionals where they make up concerns does seem appropriate.

That’s really worrying because a) sounds very normal and b) even if it was ‘abnormal’ the proper way to manage a child who isn’t pretending/imagining in the way you would expect, would be to discuss with parents (possibly nursery) a referral to a paedatrician not SS.

A four year old can't offer anything on a plate in this scenario.

I took it to mean more dressed to attend a formal function than business attire. Inappropriate clothing.

You do know that this is an anonymous site and you could post it all and no one would know it is you?

According to some posters here, no mother should ever allow any male, including the child's father, to be alone with their child in case they sexually abuse them. This seems quite sad.

I appreciate people have had their own traumatic experiences but that doesn't mean everyone is to be distrusted.

My daughter is now a teenager but often slept in our bed as a young child, and if I was away for work she'd get in with her dad. There's absolutely nothing wrong with this and no reason for concern.

On the clothes front, I understand what the OP means. I was a social worker previously and worked hard to build rapport with people - dressing inappropriately smartly can be intimidating for some.

A Dachshund you mean?

Our HV was lovely too. Still see her about the town and she still asks how son is getting on, in a nice and not nosy way. I have heard of other more apparently 'judgey' ones, although for some reason, HV don't always get a lot of respect even though they're qualified professionals.

Lots of partners of male abusers clearly don't think they would be abusers, but they are. Not making any accusations about OPs partner of course.

@sotiredandconfused make a SAR for the complete notes/ anything the HV has said regarding you and your family. You can also make a SAR on behalf of your DD.

Also make a SAR to social services, but after you have had the planned visit. That way you can capture everything that has been said and done. Very helpful for making a complaint.

Also, follow up the SW visit today in writing. Make sure you have a full paper trail.

If you are making a complaint, cc in your MS and MP.

This thread is pointless because there isn't enough information for anyone to form an opinion.
As it is, while it's maybe horrible to feel like you're being investigated, it's even more horrible to imagine that any worries a HV might have would be ignored when there actually are issues.

Well she might be a malicious individual who enjoys upsetting parents, wasting the time of professional colleagues and also limiting her career by eroding their trust in her judgment.

Or she genuinely felt some concerns for your child and did what she thought was right, even if we now know that there were some misunderstandings.

Ultimately, she was concerned and made a referral. Of course you didn't like the experience, but your child is her prime concern so, as she was worried, she did the right thing. The system, in this case, worked. Because SS visited to assess the situation, were satisfied, and that's the end of it.

Some of your responses on here have been a bit unusual - criticism of her for wearing a sundress, not wanting to reveal what the concerns were, paranoia about revealing details and then posting details of your health board. So maybe there were some unusual behaviours in rl too, or maybe your communication and conversation wasn't clear or raised some flags on the day. Are you ND, like your daughter?

Ultimately, HV sees a lot of 4 year old kids and knows that they often pretend to be animals. Despite this, she had concerns about your child. Referrals are not just made for concerns, but also if they think a family needs help.

I think it's better that they refer when worried than just shrug and think it's probably ok.

OP has explained she is in Wales. The health visiting regime is different to in England and home visit based until your child starts school.

Just because a 4 year old child pretends to be an animal doesn't mean they have fucking autism.

The hell is wrong with people on MN. It's like you all want your kids to be autistic for status or something!!

HVs see children up to the age of 5. So child is 5 or younger. When they start school, the school nursing team take over.

As there seems to be so much discussion about the HV's outfit 🤣🤣 when I went to see HV at clinic she was wearing tartan trousers (which looked suspiciously like pyjamas), a huge purple knitted cardigan (which had seen many, better days) and slippers 🤣🤣

Have you any idea how many DC are abused by their own fathers? (Mothers too, believe it or not)

I know from first hand experience, sadly. I too slept in the same bed as my Dad twice a week whilst my mum slept in mine.

Are you going to call me "despicable" too, for wanting to keep DC safe?