SS visited today

I am an 'actual social worker'.

All I am saying is that your clothes don't determine your ability to relate to people. I have seen people attend court in a smart dress and a jacket.

You have no idea about this woman... yet you prejudge her based on what she looks like.

Is it possible that they need a certain amount of “these ppl don’t look right” otherwise it looks like they aren’t doing anything? So they just pick a good family and it gets dismissed?
I know it sounds like a conspiracy, but why else? I know they make stuff up sometimes, I’ve seen it with others.

What does she think a male gay couple would do? I have several friends where the dad has ended up being primary carer through parents choosing/mum working full time and dad not and still co sleep etc. Well realistically be dad main carer here too after the initial few months

I'm a teacher and am regularly surprised at how high the bar is for ss involvement.

The HV knows this too and wouldn't have intentionally wasted their time - she was worried. She may have been overdressed and got some things wrong, from your point of view anyway, but she was worried and so referring was the right thing to do.

I no longer rush to comfort parents who claim ss are interfering or incompetent. I see too much at work. No matter how genuine the involvement, the parents are usually mouthing off about the injustice of it all. I don't think I have ever heard anyone accept that they're negligent, abusive or incompetent parents.

Either there was truth in what she saw, and you are getting defensive, or she made a mistake and it is now resolved.

Yes I'm surprised by this too especially as Mumsnet usually loves these types of jobs if it was a criticism of a social worker or teacher people would be clamouring to say they can do no wrong. I had a lovely health visitor when I had my first child because I was under a certain age she did visit until my child was 4. She even took photos at every visit and the last time she visited she gave me a photo album!
There's other reasons they'd visit until that age too like if the child had a disability

It is- Power takes up entire modules in SW training at least, and I would hope that it does in HV training. There is generally cross over between these types of roles in terms of training.

it’s normal for workers to have ‘work clothes’ and ‘court clothes’ which would be a suit or dress with a jacket, a tie for men (or butch women!) etc, with your work clothes being much more casual.

How you build rapport with service users is absolutely central to all work of this kind- if you can’t do it you can’t do the job effectively-
common sense would tell you look approachable.

If you are a designer bag person and you are working with designer bag people- crack on, but if you want a homeless mother of 5 who can’t feed her baby to feel you can understand her problems, leave the LV at home!

With regards to the outfit... there are reasons children wear school uniform and the main one is so they're all on the same level, to prevent bullying etc. It doesn't take a genius to understand people do form opinions on how others dress and how dressing more casually in this scenario might be less intimidating/more empathetic.

Did she actually ask about the dog crate and you explained it was the dog's, or did she just see it, say nothing and assume it was for the DC? I'm trying to figure out how this misunderstanding could have happened.

When I was a child I also wanted dinner like a cat… my mum solved that one by putting the cats on chairs either side of me with their bowls on the table. I had my dinner like that for a very long time 😂 (luckily I’m an only child and we had an 8 person dining table!).

Answering your question, I relied on friends' sofas (1992-1993) to keep off the streets. It never occurred to me during that time to notice brands or anything else. All I could do was count my blessings and thank those who showed kindness. And btw, I am not ruling out anything - all of us could find ourselves in the street for whatever reason.

God people are so damn nosy on this website 😂 demanding to know every little detail and if you don't give it they threaten to report the thread.

Op there's a thing called "furrries" it's a weird trend teenagers are doing at the moment kind of similar to transgenders. Maybe she got a bee in her bonnet thinking you were encouraging that.
When I was your daughter's age I seriously wanted to be a rabbit haha it's normal kid behaviour

Mine once insisted she was a puppy and demanded I put her plate of food on the floor for her to eat from 😆

I declined and said the puppy would have to eat at the table.

My (autistic, pda+adhd) ds10 and his 12 year old (autistic,pda+adhd) are frequently cats.

They run around outside on all fours wearing cat gloves. One wants cat ears, the other wants a scratching post. I guess we encourage it since we bought the gloves to protect his hands from the floor…oh dear.

We are both SW’s!

It’s very common for pda autistic individuals to be far more comfortable in a make believe world than the real world. Their propensity to disappear into pretend characters is one of the differences between a strong pda profile and a more ‘classic’ autism profile.

On the other hand, it’s entirely 100% normal for 4 year olds to play at being animals/firemen/groot/a princess or their teacher!

They even do it in an organised manner at school- utterly shocking that schools encourage children to dress up as sheep and donkeys and say baaa, just because it’s Christmas. They even invite parents to watch, like it’s something to be proud of!

Given the negative reputation that HV’s seem to have, I wouldn’t make that assumption.

But equally social workers also have a reputation for not doing their job properly and underfunding

When a dog lives in the house you would expect those things surely?

I think one of mine tried cat biscuits from the bowl pretending they were a cat ( none are autistic btw) but the. Bowl was there for the cats not the child

Could the HV got you mixed up with another visit and given your details instead? This is alarming. If there is a case she has missed then they need to attend the address immediately

I do get your point, I used to work as a youth mentor with disadvantaged families/ kids and was advised to be mindful of dressing over the top. I suppose she was on a power trip or something. And animal noises might just be normal behaviour but you’re getting her referred to see if there’s anything else going on. Don’t worry. Hope you get actually support soon from your LA or school if your daughter needs it.

I've heard some awful stories of HV but honestly ours was a good send, especially during/coming out of lockdown.

Mine too, my DC was prem & very small for age (health issues at play) and she listened to me, didn't assume I wasn't feeding her etc and gave me support in accessing some health referrals that helped us a lot. She also saw how worried i was too and checked i was getting support for myself as well.

Given the negative reputation that HV’s seem to have, I wouldn’t make that assumption.

He's not some random man, he's the child's father. Would you also be horrified at the idea of a father bathing their child, changing a nappy or helping them in the loo? Or indeed being alone with them in general? If you think your partner only needs opportunity "served up on a plate" to abuse your child, why on earth would you even stay with him?

Tbh I'd take it as a massive red flag if my DH was horrified at the idea of co-sleeping with our kids too tbh because ultimately it wouldn't horrify him unless he thought something could happen.

That's not what the OP described, though.

OP wasnt getting the immediate validation and support she came her for, it wouldn't be unusual to exaggerate as a result.

@IntrepidCat I've heard some awful stories of HV but honestly ours was a good send, especially during/coming out of lockdown. My son is autistic and she was reassuring without being dismissive and helped us with things like the referral process, nursery and seeking out local support groups. So there are some good ones out there!

I do question the relevance of health visits for most families.

Its a baseline approach to ensure no child "slips through the net". The children who are most at risk are the invisible ones, in communities who shun outside agencies, with parents who don't go by baby clinic for a weigh in, don't send them to school, don't register them with a doctor. If you have to offend a few parents to ensure you protect all children from abuse/neglect/trauma/death, i'm ok with that.

What people don't see is the success stories. The hv or social worker who picks up something and it prevents a catastrophe down the line.

My friend had an age 2 HV check. The HV spotted a slightly odd, seemingly mild health/physical thing and gently prompted my friend to get DC seen. Turned out to require serious emergency surgery - that HV probably saved her DC life.

If it helps, my daughter was a lion or a horse for years. She literally spent all her time when not at school on all fours and trying to get her brother and friends to do the same. She even set up a course in the garden and showed off her walk, trot, canter and gallop. This was from 3 or 4 until about 9. She's 30 now and a corporate solicitor in a big city firm! I think a good imagination is a sign of intelligence.

Sorry, used the wrong quote, what age are your children OP?