SS visited today

Sorry but no smoke without fire. If your family are involved with SS there’s a reason for that.

They're available for advice, certainly. They don't usually make house calls uninvited past the first year.

HVs see children up to the age of 5. So child is 5 or younger. When they start school, the school nursing team take over.

I'm really troubled by the "offering it on a plate" comment (don't recall who said it). This implies to me that most men are, given the opportunity, quite likely to consider sexually abusing their child. This is not the case. The majority would never.

We should all be vigilant for signs of abuse, but co-sleeping with dad shouldn't in itself be a red flag. (If there are other concerns, then maybe.) My daughter when young slept in parental bed often, including when I was away for work (not even in the house - shock horror!) and I had no concerns at all, because I knew there was nothing to be concerned about.

I couldnt read and run. What a weird thread!

It is not possible at all to understand what has gone on or not. I do not find the OP as a reliable narrator. She said her DD was pretending to be a dog, and then it was a cat...

It did make me slightly sad to see so many negative comments about HVs. Every profession will have people who are not professional or outright not suitable but our experience was only positive. Moreover, we had an incident where our dog had bitten our son, and social services were informed because the skin was broken but neither hospital staff were thinking anything sinister, nor social services ever made contact with us. I will also say that if they ever would want to, we have nothing to hide or worry about. But I understand how frustrating it would feel if a referral was made with no good reason.

Re: young children co sleeping with their dads.

Maybe we should all just get rid of our childrens dads when we've finished having children?

Although I don't know what single dads or gay male couples are supposed to do?

No, they genuinely thought DC was talking, as they put it, "gobbledygook". Once I explained that DC didn't yet understand that not everyone spoke both their languages and I got DC to speak English to them, it was fine.

DC has since weaponised their language skills and, when they don't want to engage with someone, they just talk at that person in their other language. 👍

No, they genuinely thought DC was talking, as they put it, "gobbledygook". Once I explained that DC didn't yet understand that not everyone spoke both their languages and I got DC to speak English to them, it was fine.

DC has since weaponised their language skills and, when they don't want to engage with someone, they just talk at that person in their other language. 👍

Sorry, I'm sure it was frustrating at the time but this really made me laugh! Maybe it was a case of them having no choice but to tick the box since they couldn't understand what was being said, rather than not realising it was another (real) language, or couldn't verify it was the correct grammar etc.

Not a HV but a similar example of "I can't understand what your child is saying - we need to refer to Speech and Language".

DC is bilingual and was speaking (entirely comprehensibly) in their other language.

Op you mention a child protection order, why? Thats the extreme end of a dc being removed from the family home by a judge immediately if they are deemed to be at significant risk of harm. It's a very rare measure. Most DCs under SW will never have this.

I'm not really surprised at the referral tbh. There are a few red flags and the ops said there were other issues raised she's not willing to disclose.

-4yo making animal noises- yes this may be fine but it is an indication of a potential developmental problem
-4yo has already been put on the assessment pathway for ASD (disabled dc are more vulnerable)
-both parents are neurodivergent- so they themselves may be more vulnerable and there is not a NT adult in the house. This can also lead to communication difficulties with professionals- as evidenced.

• 4yo sleeping with dad regularly- it is likely not a problem but groomers often break these kind of boundaries to accustom a victim to increased physical contact in a state of undress.
• Mum has a physical health problem which requires sedative medication- this makes Mum more vulnerable and at the points of sedation not in a position to protect DD
• Dog in the house that has a cage- this may be due to 'bad' dog behaviour, there may be concerns about the dog biting or dog ness.
• The op's comments about clothes, it's quite tangential from the issue at hand
• there's a lack of insight from either parent about any concerns- ie do parents really not think a HV or SW would question bed sharing at 4 with dad? That's quite naive and suggests other naivety. Lots of CSA goes under the radar because families aren't on the lookout for potential signs of grooming.
• the OP's combative and evasive communication style on this thread. That will not come across well to professionals. There is no compromise or insight anywhere into the above potential issues. Professionals want someone they can work with positively who will listen and take advice. The op isn't coming across as someone who would do this.

I can't see SW taking this further but that doesn't mean there are no issues, cases are often dropped more on a lack of evidence which really isn't very reassuring.

I do question the relevance of health visits for most families.

Its a baseline approach to ensure no child "slips through the net". The children who are most at risk are the invisible ones, in communities who shun outside agencies, with parents who don't go by baby clinic for a weigh in, don't send them to school, don't register them with a doctor. If you have to offend a few parents to ensure you protect all children from abuse/neglect/trauma/death, i'm ok with that.

What people don't see is the success stories. The hv or social worker who picks up something and it prevents a catastrophe down the line.

My friend had an age 2 HV check. The HV spotted a slightly odd, seemingly mild health/physical thing and gently prompted my friend to get DC seen. Turned out to require serious emergency surgery - that HV probably saved her DC life.

i agree that a 4 year old girl should not be left to sleep alone with dad, why does the OP move to a different bed, why can't dad go?

I have a similar adjacent example. Friend's dd is hyper intelligent and as a 2 yr old was having some sort of developmental assessment. HV asked her to sing a song, so she chose the Cilla Black Rainbow song, except she started mucking around with the words eg Rod and yollop and plonk and blee
HV made a referral for learning and speech difficulties....