Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SS visited today

467 replies

sotiredandconfused · 20/08/2024 20:07

I recently had a HV come round. She appeared a little rigid and looked like she was attending a wedding but she seemed chatty and reflected back lots of positive things she was seeing. Today I had a SW unexpectantly visit and after she read out everything that the HV had raised, to say I was shocked is an understatement. Both my DH were there and the HV literally fabricated and misrepresented things she saw. The SW was lovely and stated she had no concerns and let me know I could make a complaint (I have).

So WTF! I'm still in shock. The HV asked me at the time whether I wanted another visit and I said no, and then SS turn up!

OP posts:
NowImNotDoingIt · 21/08/2024 20:31

@Ace56 so you're saying there are no cases of children wrongfully removed?

Original poster
sotiredandconfused · 21/08/2024 20:31

InstantDestiny · 21/08/2024 20:10

She would have had to have your consent to refer you unless it was CP?

This is incorrect. Consent is best practise only. Section 47 had not been instigated - this was investigation only. The SW explained this to me.

OP posts:
Simonjt · 21/08/2024 20:27

It doesn’t surprise me, I had to have the HV for both of ours until their adoption orders were through. One told our sons social worker we had been giving him dangerous eletronic devices that could lead to him being seriously injured. These dangerous devices were his hearing aids, heari g aids she believed he didn’t need because he could hear her clapping about 2mm away from his ears.

You can’t cure stupid.

PolePrince55 · 21/08/2024 20:26

YouLookLikeStevieNicks · 20/08/2024 21:25

What does "she looked like she was going to a wedding" mean?

I'd imagine
No hair out of place, looks like she's fresh out of the salon. Make up perfect. Dressed to the 9's. Heels or open toe. All colourful and rich.
All judgey! Lives in an ideal world!

PolePrince55 · 21/08/2024 20:21

sotiredandconfused · 20/08/2024 21:06

Another concern... Our daughter cosleeps with dad and I sometimes leave to sleep in the spare room. There was an insinuation because dad is a male and therefore a deviant. It was written and read in ‘that’ way. My DHs face fell, and all I could say to him was ‘im so sorry’.

This says more about the HV than your family.

Ace56 · 21/08/2024 20:14

Exposingthetruth · 21/08/2024 15:37

Are you completely oblivious to the thousands of malicious reports SS receive? On entirely innocent parents? The "no smoke without fire" quips on SS report threads really are utterly appalling.

Innocent families have had their children removed over malicious allegations like yours, which have been proven as false through family court battles, it's taken these families years to get their children back despite no wrong doing in the first place. The Family Court system is a corrupt joke with their secrecy gag orders placed on families, who cannot speak out about what has happened to them without facing jail for contempt.

You need to open your eyes and stop being so naïve.

Show quote history

Children aren’t removed simply because Mary down the road makes an allegation. An investigation takes place and they need evidence to support it - removing a child is extremely difficult and lots of hoops need to be jumped through first. Don’t be blindsided by people screeching ‘they took my kids for no reason!’ No, no they didn’t.

InstantDestiny · 21/08/2024 20:10

She would have had to have your consent to refer you unless it was CP?

nosleepforme · 21/08/2024 20:08

I agree. Nothing to hide doesn’t mean you want ss snooping around. It’s extremely stressful and invasive

Piggiesinblankets · 21/08/2024 19:16

nosleepforme · 21/08/2024 09:14

Is it possible that they need a certain amount of “these ppl don’t look right” otherwise it looks like they aren’t doing anything? So they just pick a good family and it gets dismissed?
I know it sounds like a conspiracy, but why else? I know they make stuff up sometimes, I’ve seen it with others.

This is almost funny. It's what birth parents always say when their child is removed, that it's about quotas.

No that's absolutely not the case. They are overworked and the threshold high. Guess whst, they even go out sometimes and say everything is fine and miss the abuse because of disguised compliance. Everyone then thinks the referrer was the one that made the mistake...

Original poster
sotiredandconfused · 21/08/2024 19:13

@Hereforaglance

Your response (as with a few others) is exactly why unnecessary and inappropriate referrals are problematic.

I have cooperated fully with the SW. Answered all her questions despite the ludicrous opinions of the HV. The SW looked around our home and I have consented for her to do the lateral checks.

I came to mumsnet to vent. What has helped me cope with this, is the fact that these type of referrals are not uncommon and therefore I'm not left with my own thoughts where I can start gaslighting myself.

OP posts:
Petitchat · 21/08/2024 19:10

RavenhairedRachel · 21/08/2024 17:38

Can't you just say Social services. When I first saw it I thought it was the bloody gestapo. I hate abbreviations I spend more time working them out than reading the post. I even have to Google some.

Sometimes they are like the Gestapo. SS was very apt in our case.

NowImNotDoingIt · 21/08/2024 19:00

@Hereforaglance that's not how it works.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 21/08/2024 18:53

Dressinggowntime · 20/08/2024 20:24

Yep. I had one who came out and assessed my three month old with the 6 month old criteria and told me she wasn’t meeting her milestones

Show quote history

Not me, but a friend had a HV who told her to treat her big, very hungry 2 month old baby ‘like an alcoholic’ and restrict his feeds!

Might add that another friend was a midwife and HV for 10 years before she had her first- and told me that during her first month with him, she’d done every single thing she’d spent the last X years telling new mums not to do!

MelodyMalone · 21/08/2024 18:47

Hereforaglance · 21/08/2024 18:35

If you have nothing to hide what's the problem if you have something to hide then I get your issue and why you are pissed off about someone doing their job but if you have nothing to hide let them do their job hv obv had concerns or would not have flagged it with ss you clearly have something to hide or you would not be running to mn

Show quote history

I'm not sure this logic makes sense. You wouldn't be upset and annoyed in these circumstances?

Hereforaglance · 21/08/2024 18:35

sotiredandconfused · 20/08/2024 20:07

I recently had a HV come round. She appeared a little rigid and looked like she was attending a wedding but she seemed chatty and reflected back lots of positive things she was seeing. Today I had a SW unexpectantly visit and after she read out everything that the HV had raised, to say I was shocked is an understatement. Both my DH were there and the HV literally fabricated and misrepresented things she saw. The SW was lovely and stated she had no concerns and let me know I could make a complaint (I have).

So WTF! I'm still in shock. The HV asked me at the time whether I wanted another visit and I said no, and then SS turn up!

If you have nothing to hide what's the problem if you have something to hide then I get your issue and why you are pissed off about someone doing their job but if you have nothing to hide let them do their job hv obv had concerns or would not have flagged it with ss you clearly have something to hide or you would not be running to mn

InkyPinkyPonky24 · 21/08/2024 18:26

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

RavenhairedRachel · 21/08/2024 17:38

Can't you just say Social services. When I first saw it I thought it was the bloody gestapo. I hate abbreviations I spend more time working them out than reading the post. I even have to Google some.

Original poster
sotiredandconfused · 21/08/2024 16:43

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Sorry what? I'm literally just talking.

OP posts:
Original poster
sotiredandconfused · 21/08/2024 16:43

sunshine244 · 21/08/2024 16:07

I forgot to add that I got referred to SS when there were issues with my autistic child. Best thing that happened as they helped resolve lots of issues.

There are usually two different teams - was it the child protection team or the disability team the referral was made to? They are totally different types of services.

Thanks for sharing your story.

From what I was told (and from what I can understand).the referral was made to SS but it wasn't a section 47, just concerns raised requiring SS to do there investigations. This is where I'm at now. The SW did say that she had no concerns after talking with us, but would need to do the lateral checks as part of due diligence. She stated that she would not have left DD if she had any doubt for her safety.

OP posts:
ToffeeSquirrels · 21/08/2024 16:35

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

sunshine244 · 21/08/2024 16:07

I forgot to add that I got referred to SS when there were issues with my autistic child. Best thing that happened as they helped resolve lots of issues.

There are usually two different teams - was it the child protection team or the disability team the referral was made to? They are totally different types of services.

takeyourluckwhereyoufindit · 21/08/2024 16:07

Petitchat · 21/08/2024 00:16

I wasn't being rude.
I genuinely think that poster needs some help with understanding the thread.

Show quote history

I do understand the thread.

The HV was wearing heels and a floral satin-like dress. Not exactly outrageous to wear a summer dress in summer, is it?

Do you need help understanding the thread?

Exposingthetruth · 21/08/2024 15:57

Imnotbad · 21/08/2024 15:56

No one will believe you because people think social services save children. They then end up neglected and abused in the care system ( not all)

Of courses there are fantastic social workers to that probably do out weigh the bad . But the damage the bad social workers do is massive.

Show quote history

Couldn't agree with you more!

Imnotbad · 21/08/2024 15:56

Exposingthetruth · 21/08/2024 15:37

Are you completely oblivious to the thousands of malicious reports SS receive? On entirely innocent parents? The "no smoke without fire" quips on SS report threads really are utterly appalling.

Innocent families have had their children removed over malicious allegations like yours, which have been proven as false through family court battles, it's taken these families years to get their children back despite no wrong doing in the first place. The Family Court system is a corrupt joke with their secrecy gag orders placed on families, who cannot speak out about what has happened to them without facing jail for contempt.

You need to open your eyes and stop being so naïve.

Show quote history

No one will believe you because people think social services save children. They then end up neglected and abused in the care system ( not all)

Of courses there are fantastic social workers to that probably do out weigh the bad . But the damage the bad social workers do is massive.

sunshine244 · 21/08/2024 15:56

sotiredandconfused · 20/08/2024 21:36

Omg yes!

When the HV was here I spoke about possible autism which I've already referred her for. So my daughters cat like behaviour was seen and reported as abnormal with an insinuation that we encourage it!

Show quote history

If it helps, my AuDHD 10 year old still often pretends to be animals. Cats are a favourite, as are dogs and an imaginary animal he calls [hisname]beast. I don't encourage it as such, but it's quite a therapeutic things for him so I will play along at times. It's very common for autistic kids. It's much less of a daily occurrence than it used to be and I expect it will probably stop in the next year or two.

It's nowhere near the most unusual thing he does 🤣🤣

You could ask for a disability social worker - they are often really helpful.