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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

SS visited today

467 replies

sotiredandconfused · 20/08/2024 20:07

I recently had a HV come round. She appeared a little rigid and looked like she was attending a wedding but she seemed chatty and reflected back lots of positive things she was seeing. Today I had a SW unexpectantly visit and after she read out everything that the HV had raised, to say I was shocked is an understatement. Both my DH were there and the HV literally fabricated and misrepresented things she saw. The SW was lovely and stated she had no concerns and let me know I could make a complaint (I have).

So WTF! I'm still in shock. The HV asked me at the time whether I wanted another visit and I said no, and then SS turn up!

OP posts:
YouLookLikeStevieNicks · 20/08/2024 21:25

What does "she looked like she was going to a wedding" mean?

takeyourluckwhereyoufindit · 20/08/2024 21:24

I had no idea HVs visited four year olds. How did that come about?

Hunkydory99 · 20/08/2024 21:23

My three year old licks me multiple times a day whilst pretending to be a cat. The more I protest, the more he does it. I don’t think your HV would be impressed with that 😂

Ivehearditbothways · 20/08/2024 21:23

Why are you still allowing health visitor into your home for home visits when your child is about to turn 4? Did you ask for extra support or something?
They don’t need to come by to weigh them or anything by that age. And if you have any concerns or need an appointment or help with something, you can call them up. There is no reason for a 4 year old old to need a home visit unless you’ve been asking for them?

sotiredandconfused · 20/08/2024 21:18

YesIReallyDoLikeRootBeer · 20/08/2024 21:17

How old is you DD? I mean if she's 4 and pretending to be an animal that is very different to if she is 15 (I dont really think we are talking about a 15 yr old, but I guess I've seen crazier things on here)

Just turned 4.

OP posts:
Petitchat · 20/08/2024 21:17

Otherstories2002 · 20/08/2024 21:14

It’s impossible to know if she was being unreasonable based on what you’ve said.

She insinuated bad things.
That's unreasonable....

YesIReallyDoLikeRootBeer · 20/08/2024 21:17

How old is you DD? I mean if she's 4 and pretending to be an animal that is very different to if she is 15 (I dont really think we are talking about a 15 yr old, but I guess I've seen crazier things on here)

sotiredandconfused · 20/08/2024 21:16

LostittoBostik · 20/08/2024 21:08

Can the SW back up your complaint?

The SW was pretty good tbh and although she couldnt pull up the HV actions as rubbish (not very professional) she commented that what had been written down was not evidenced in person.onviouslt shell have to do the lateral checks but she stated shell do this asap and then I can have a copy. She reiterated during the visit that she had no concerns and reminded me that I could make a complaint (which I already have).

OP posts:
Otherstories2002 · 20/08/2024 21:14

It’s impossible to know if she was being unreasonable based on what you’ve said.

Petitchat · 20/08/2024 21:12

sotiredandconfused · 20/08/2024 21:10

My daughters aninal behaviour was regarded as abnormal, including how she spoke (she’ll imitate animals sound). As the SW observed my daughter more she saw a decline in this otherwise innocent behaviour.behavioir that doesn't interfere with her everyday activities, sleep etc. SW stated she didn't have concerns about this behaviour. The HV should have known this, yet regarded it as abnormal (incorrect and used this as evidence?

Evidence for what?
What is she going to do with it?

Snugglemonkey · 20/08/2024 21:12

sotiredandconfused · 20/08/2024 20:18

It would (could?) be outing if I gave details, plus I really don't want to give the remarks any more air space.

Well noone really knows if you Abu then?

sotiredandconfused · 20/08/2024 21:10

My daughters aninal behaviour was regarded as abnormal, including how she spoke (she’ll imitate animals sound). As the SW observed my daughter more she saw a decline in this otherwise innocent behaviour.behavioir that doesn't interfere with her everyday activities, sleep etc. SW stated she didn't have concerns about this behaviour. The HV should have known this, yet regarded it as abnormal (incorrect and used this as evidence?

OP posts:
EsmeSusanOgg · 20/08/2024 21:10

sotiredandconfused · 20/08/2024 21:06

Another concern... Our daughter cosleeps with dad and I sometimes leave to sleep in the spare room. There was an insinuation because dad is a male and therefore a deviant. It was written and read in ‘that’ way. My DHs face fell, and all I could say to him was ‘im so sorry’.

That is awful. It's a sign of a decent partner. I am angry on your behalf.

Inlaw · 20/08/2024 21:09

imagine you had a lego set for London bridge, this hv built the taj Mahal and the solar system.

🤣

Well my imagination is unbound now.

HowardTJMoon · 20/08/2024 21:08

I recommend writing a letter to the SW thanking them for their time and confirming that they do not believe there is any cause for concern and that, instead, they recommended raising a complaint about the HV, something that you are now considering.

Social Services runs on paper. Document everything and always send them a letter confirming what they've told you in person or over the phone. SW are massively overworked and don't always document things properly themselves.

LostittoBostik · 20/08/2024 21:08

Can the SW back up your complaint?

LostittoBostik · 20/08/2024 21:08

sotiredandconfused · 20/08/2024 21:06

Another concern... Our daughter cosleeps with dad and I sometimes leave to sleep in the spare room. There was an insinuation because dad is a male and therefore a deviant. It was written and read in ‘that’ way. My DHs face fell, and all I could say to him was ‘im so sorry’.

That's really depressing. Definitely make a complaint.

quickturtle · 20/08/2024 21:08

sotiredandconfused · 20/08/2024 21:06

Another concern... Our daughter cosleeps with dad and I sometimes leave to sleep in the spare room. There was an insinuation because dad is a male and therefore a deviant. It was written and read in ‘that’ way. My DHs face fell, and all I could say to him was ‘im so sorry’.

Gosh that's a heavy accusation

sotiredandconfused · 20/08/2024 21:06

Another concern... Our daughter cosleeps with dad and I sometimes leave to sleep in the spare room. There was an insinuation because dad is a male and therefore a deviant. It was written and read in ‘that’ way. My DHs face fell, and all I could say to him was ‘im so sorry’.

OP posts:
Wimpy33 · 20/08/2024 21:05

A bit of a pointless thread!

sotiredandconfused · 20/08/2024 21:04

quickturtle · 20/08/2024 21:04

Did you or DH leave the kettle within reach of your child and she's made out your kitchen is RIDDLED WITH KNIVES?

Good example

OP posts:
quickturtle · 20/08/2024 21:04

Did you or DH leave the kettle within reach of your child and she's made out your kitchen is RIDDLED WITH KNIVES?

sotiredandconfused · 20/08/2024 21:03

The HV literally fabricated things she saw and things we said!

OP posts:
sotiredandconfused · 20/08/2024 21:02

flymetoalphacentauri · 20/08/2024 20:57

I'm not sure why you would make a thread without giving any useful information whatsoever. You have to at least give an example.

Adjacent example, my daughter sometimes pretends to be a specific animal. She reported this as abnormal child behaviour (its not) insinuating we encouraged it and even brought a cage for her! We don't encourage ‘it’, we just don't shame it and we certainly haven't brought a cage for her! Its for the dog!

OP posts:
IntrepidCat · 20/08/2024 21:02

Mum2jenny · 20/08/2024 20:23

Never let a HV cross your threshold, everyone I’ve dealt with are totally incompetent.
Statistically there must be some good ones, but I’ve never seen them

I have to agree with this. Even amongst other HCP they are often thought of this way.