Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SS visited today

467 replies

sotiredandconfused · 20/08/2024 20:07

I recently had a HV come round. She appeared a little rigid and looked like she was attending a wedding but she seemed chatty and reflected back lots of positive things she was seeing. Today I had a SW unexpectantly visit and after she read out everything that the HV had raised, to say I was shocked is an understatement. Both my DH were there and the HV literally fabricated and misrepresented things she saw. The SW was lovely and stated she had no concerns and let me know I could make a complaint (I have).

So WTF! I'm still in shock. The HV asked me at the time whether I wanted another visit and I said no, and then SS turn up!

OP posts:
diamondpony80 · 20/08/2024 21:57

My daughter also went through the "cat phase" for quite a while (and has autism). We didn't encourage it, but did play along at home if she wanted to dress up and make cat noises. She was just a small kid having fun. When we left the house or went to school we made sure she was back to "child" mode. She just grew out of it, as most kids do.

TwigletsAndRadishes · 20/08/2024 21:56

sotiredandconfused · 20/08/2024 20:55

Yeah, I'm not going to detail the crap this HV reported.

Show quote history

Then there is really not much point in starting this thread. None of us can comment on whether or not you are BU if we don't actually know what it was the HV had concerns about.

Original poster
sotiredandconfused · 20/08/2024 21:55

@Staunchlystarling
Just think about the optics on this.

You work in a job where you are likely going to meet people struggling.so you turn up dressed to the nines versus someone who dresses more casually/comfortably. How you dress impacts how people perceive you and therefore the willingness for them to work with you. This really isnt a hard thing to grasp.

OP posts:
ForGreyKoala · 20/08/2024 21:54

DragonGypsyDoris · 20/08/2024 21:01

If you gave an accurate example I doubt it would be outing in a country of 67 million people. And that's assuming you are in the UK.

I just don't get this "outing" thing on MN. As if everyone here knows everyone else and is going to work out who one of the thousnds of random posters it is Confused

Original poster
sotiredandconfused · 20/08/2024 21:53

@takeyourluckwhereyoufindit

I don't want to repeat what the HV referred for because its nonsense and therefore don't want to be judged on that. Instead the thread was about the unbelievable situation I found myself in today.

OP posts:
Staunchlystarling · 20/08/2024 21:51

sotiredandconfused · 20/08/2024 21:41

@Staunchlystarling

The issue is she works in a role where she works with vulnerable people. People need to be able trust her, of course she can dress smart, but approachability etc matters. She literally looked like she was going to a wedding.

So she dressed smartly? I mean really you’re sounding like an inverted snob.

Original poster
sotiredandconfused · 20/08/2024 21:50

@Appledoughnut

She obviously works in my area.

OP posts:
Appledoughnut · 20/08/2024 21:50

sotiredandconfused · 20/08/2024 21:43

@takeyourluckwhereyoufindit

And just checked this isn't the right area in wales. She works elsewhere.

You don't know which area your HV works in?

Myserenebird123 · 20/08/2024 21:49

Are there any cultural issues or lagnguage/ ethnicity that may have caused any issues ? I’m not surprised the SW didn’t find anything as the bar for input is very high ( I did have issues that even I thought necessitated a visit and they discharged me after 1 assessment ) but I’m just wondering if there was a mismatch somehow with how the HV saw the situation?

takeyourluckwhereyoufindit · 20/08/2024 21:48

sotiredandconfused · 20/08/2024 21:42

@takeyourluckwhereyoufindit

If you can find her from this then ill eat my hat!

Why would I be trying to find her? It's not me with the paranoia about things being 'outing'.

If you were that bothered about confidentiality you'd obscure more details.

I think that you don't want to detail the HV concerns because you don't want MN opinion on them.

Which is fair enough. But why post asking for our opinions, then?

Appledoughnut · 20/08/2024 21:48

Ghosttofu99 · 20/08/2024 21:45

So in England you have to go to a family hub for your 12 month and 2 year checks etc (where I live anyway) but in Wales it is all home visits and you have an extra one at 3 1/2. Is that right?

There is a scheme in Wales called Flying Start that has enhanced health visiting in deprived areas.

Original poster
sotiredandconfused · 20/08/2024 21:47

Ghosttofu99 · 20/08/2024 21:45

So in England you have to go to a family hub for your 12 month and 2 year checks etc (where I live anyway) but in Wales it is all home visits and you have an extra one at 3 1/2. Is that right?

From what I understand, broadly yes. They try and see every child before starting ft primary school.

OP posts:
Original poster
sotiredandconfused · 20/08/2024 21:46

Justrelax · 20/08/2024 21:43

I agree with you it sounds frustrating, but making complaints about professionals involved with your child when they raise concerns is generally a really bad idea.

I disagree. Judicious decision making is vital, especially in safeguarding .the referral has literally made me less willing to trust HV in the future. Her actions have caused harm today.

OP posts:
Ghosttofu99 · 20/08/2024 21:45

So in England you have to go to a family hub for your 12 month and 2 year checks etc (where I live anyway) but in Wales it is all home visits and you have an extra one at 3 1/2. Is that right?

PuggyPuggyPuggy · 20/08/2024 21:45

takeyourluckwhereyoufindit · 20/08/2024 21:25

Also, can you explain the bit where you said the HV "looked like she was attending a wedding".

I know you're all for metaphor, but I'm neurodivergent and really struggling to understand your post when you don't just say what actually happened. That's not a dig, I'm just asking you to consider a range of readers for your post.

don't worry, I don't think any of us understand 😆

minipillquestions · 20/08/2024 21:45

sounds like it’s all resolved though and the SW saw that there was nothing to worry about from a safeguarding perspective.

It’s like when a gp runs a full panel of bloods as routine it’s just to rule bad stuff out you don’t then complain about them covering all bases just in case

Justrelax · 20/08/2024 21:43

I agree with you it sounds frustrating, but making complaints about professionals involved with your child when they raise concerns is generally a really bad idea.

Original poster
sotiredandconfused · 20/08/2024 21:43

@takeyourluckwhereyoufindit

And just checked this isn't the right area in wales. She works elsewhere.

OP posts:
Dodo23 · 20/08/2024 21:43

Dodo23 · 20/08/2024 21:42

You do realise that there are four countries within the UK? Her thread makes perfect sense in Scotland. Home visits until she 5 I believe and plenty of kids go to preschool/nursery until their 5 depending on their birth date. Reception is an English thing as far as I'm aware.

Show quote history

God, ignore my typos please!

IntrepidCat · 20/08/2024 21:42

My five year old frequently pretends to be a cat.

JudgeJ · 20/08/2024 21:42

sotiredandconfused · 20/08/2024 20:17

I don't want to say exactly but imagine you had a lego set for London bridge, this hv built the taj Mahal and the solar system.

Not only did she have the gall to sit in my front room regailing her experiences of other visits (negative ones), she reflected back some lovely things she was seeing with my child. Along the lines of ‘its so nice when I come to a visit where ‘insert positive remark’.

The downright lies this HV has stated will be corroborated with the lateral checks that the SW now needs to do.

This isn't about having a low threshold for safeguarding but its displaying no ability to adequately assess a situation and then when she did refer, no process was followed!

Record every word of any future visits and even set up cameras for evidence.

sectionscarhelp · 20/08/2024 21:42

I was pregnant with my second child. A HV come round to do their standard pregnancy visit, she said she could see a mark on my then 13 month old DD's face, it was a spot. She actually got her fucking phone out and used the torch on her face to look at it clearly, I then pointed out it was a spot and she agreed. A few minutes later she said she thought she could see a mark elsewhere on her face. Unbelievable. At this point I was fuming and made it clear there was nothing to see. She ended the visit positively, said she could see I was a good mum and she had no concerns. As soon as she left I rang my mum crying my eyes out.
Ever since I've been so anxious about any professional, I have absolutely nothing to hide but it's no wonder some people withdraw from these services. She was actively looking for bruises in front of me with no reasoning what so ever.

Dodo23 · 20/08/2024 21:42

YesIReallyDoLikeRootBeer · 20/08/2024 21:32

Are you outside the UK? You say she just turned 4 wouldnt she be going into Reception not pre-school

Show quote history

You do realise that there are four countries within the UK? Her thread makes perfect sense in Scotland. Home visits until she 5 I believe and plenty of kids go to preschool/nursery until their 5 depending on their birth date. Reception is an English thing as far as I'm aware.

Original poster
sotiredandconfused · 20/08/2024 21:42

@takeyourluckwhereyoufindit

If you can find her from this then ill eat my hat!

OP posts:
minipillquestions · 20/08/2024 21:41

sotiredandconfused · 20/08/2024 21:16

The SW was pretty good tbh and although she couldnt pull up the HV actions as rubbish (not very professional) she commented that what had been written down was not evidenced in person.onviouslt shell have to do the lateral checks but she stated shell do this asap and then I can have a copy. She reiterated during the visit that she had no concerns and reminded me that I could make a complaint (which I already have).

Show quote history

Professionals will never support a complaint against each other if safeguarding is concerned as they want to protect (rightly) anyone in future making a referral - they’d rather have hundreds of referrals that lead nowhere than to put someone off making the one that matters so nothing ever comes of these kind of situations it’s all just case closed we had to follow procedure kind of attitude, which I feel is probably the only way and as long as social workers are well trained and experienced should always work out fine as they know what’s a genuine concern and what isn’t.
You can’t have people scared to report concerns that’s the bottom line so unfortunately this kind of mistake will happen when the net is cast wide.

Swipe left for the next trending thread