SS visited today

I agree with you OP about the way the HV is dressed.

I too would raise concerns at a dad co sleeping with his 4 year old DD while the mum sleeps in a separate bed.

Did she throw a bouquet of flowers over her head as she left, OP? The posh bitch.

ive already made my assumptions but if i write what i think i'll likely get banned so best keep my mouth shut..

the fact she 'perched' on the sofa implies the HV was not comfortable in your home.. dogs are mentioned, i guess the sofa wasn't a clean as one would hope to sit on when wearing a wedding dress

why are people being so arsey about 'needing' to know the detail of what the report said & giving the OP such a hard time?
The OP and SW agree that the HW report was incorrect/untrue - perfectly reasonable to have an opinion or advice on that without having the full report verbatim.

😂

Pre school checks have been recently introduced in England too (at least in my area)

I’ve had a horribly stressful day but your response made my howl laughing. It’s like something my mum (with dementia) would say, but only a million times funnier. (I have actually just woken my eight-year-old up by laughing so much. Thank you! Not for waking up the eight-year-old who has ADHD and sleeps like she is on a washing line. But because I really needed to laugh. Instead of crying.)

Honestly, at this point I'm assuming the HV was dressed as a bride going by the OP's posts.

I would assume that the OP is using the term Pre school as in before school. Check done in the weeks before child starts school as opposed to preschool the place.

HV's usually wear a uniform.

What's the way she's dressed got to do with the dog cage/litter box?

I don’t understand what you mean by she was dressed for a wedding? So she had extremely nice hair? Nice makeup on? A dress fit for a ball and heels on? A hat? What was she actually wearing?

But it sounds like the HV was correct, and there are concerns as your DD may need a diagnosis and isn't neurotypical?

Then the system has fortunately worked well for you, mostly, if the SW is on your side.

I work(ed - maternity leave and not actually UK originally, I’m on one of those workers’ visas but it has been several years now, although I grew up here in my primary years (as this seems to be a sensitive subject here, and tbf in my other EU country too very much so too : yes, taxes were paid🌼)) in a close field, and while I do agree with PPs comments mostly regarding their unfortunate experiences (and the same or beyond could be said in my two other different continents’ nationalities I’ve also worked in), I do agree at some point with PP who pointed out that it is very hard to advise with such little details - and, there is usually a way to post without identifying yourself (or these forums wouldn’t exist, except if we all wished to be ‘influencers’ of sorts ?) although that naturally will depend on your circumstances.

HV don’t always have ‘enough’ training, same for SW (personally I’d very happily further it if it didn’t cost a few tens of thousands as I’d have to do it self-funded, which while I would entry wise qualify for - what becomes of my LO if I add that debt - I just try my best… same for any field though really I’d say, although (the lack of) childhood funding in all of the countries I have worked has frustrated me in many different ways).

All this to say, if what you say regarding your husband is true, then I would reiterate the advice I usually give : get a full data request (which is a huge + in the UK), try either a free lawyer consult or relevant charity advise consult, and then just keep that info in your personal files (or go further with it, that is anyone’s choice, but many people can’t afford to actually do so nor wish to end up in the news sadly), that ‘knowledge is power’ saying basically.

Overall though, as there seems to be so many of these threads recently ( I usually just read while sleep deprived), part of the system is the only way you can actually reach those children who would otherwise be completely unknown (as I’m still in the same field, I’m obviously biased and think it is worth it - and second the advice above for data access requests for others who have had unfortunate experiences).

ETA : seem to have been quite a few posts since I typed !

Pretty much this, then throw in some sassy attitude for anyone who doesn't immediately weigh in on OP's side.

🤣🤣🤣

Yes but we have no idea just how unbelievable it was, do we? Because you are giving us absolutely nothing to go on. On that basis, I am going to conclude that YABU and the HV was probably quite justified in sending SS round to check you out.

The fact that you are being so cagey and evasive about what the HV said that triggered a SS visit doesn't exactly fill me with confidence here.

The situation is unbelievable to you because you disagree with the HV observations.

You expect us to inherently agree that the HV observations were 'wrong' without us knowing what they were. We can't critically evaluate the data because you won't give it.

And - for context - Social Services NFA stuff all the time. I work in a role that involves making MASH reports when children are abused - I've lost count of the times physical assaults on children with witnesses and photographic evidence of injuries have been NFAd by the MASH team.

So, forgive me, if I don't immediately rush to agree that YANBU when you make oblique references to Lego when trying to bolster support for yourself instead of actually describing what was said.

Yeah. My little one was 1.9lbs when born (early but not very early) they missed sometjing

anyway because of that she was failure to thrive. The hv MADE us see them every other week and if she hadn’t put in enough she’d refer us to consultant.

this went on for months until one day i just became hysterical at the consultant. The HV had said that they’d refer me to ss because she never put in enough weight.

well the consultant went nuts. She said that’s it I will write them a letter they won’t bother you ever again!!! She did and they didn’t but my god the stress was insane. I probably had PPD but I didn’t tell a soul because I was so worried they’d take my baby away.

the consultant said don’t listen to them, none of them have babies of their own and that all they see is big babies so when they see a tiny one they panic.

I never saw her again and the stress went off my shoulders completely

I was thinking that too as I read the OP.

i admit i don't normally read an entire post.. i read the OP's post and then a few comments and then i make my own.. however on this occasion, i am truely baffled by what i was reading i read it all and i am still no wiser?

for clarity someone dressed for a wedding came to your house and saw your DD behave like a cat and you had a cage for your dog and there was a kettle and some knives?

then someone else came, saw none of this, slagged off the first person and then left?

and they may or may not live in wales?

We don't know if it's unbelievable or not without knowing what the fabrications were... unless you've gone to tell everyone IRL already, surely it can't be that outing?

I think this is how you reacted to her, I’m sorry if you’re struggling and her attire upset you but I don’t think it is the issue here,