Person whose birthday it is should not pay for meal

35 replies

HettyMeg · 20/08/2024 19:55

Organising birthday family meal for my mum, she requested location of meal. It's a set price party menu.

She wants to pay for the whole thing! It will be over £400. I think everyone should pay their own way and me and DH will pay for my mum's meal too.

Aibu?

OP posts:

HeddaGarbled · 20/08/2024 20:05

My H’s family were well off and would always treat everyone when they organised family meals out.

My family were not well off and it was expected that everyone would pay for themselves.

When we were young and struggling financially, my H really resented it when my family organised things that required us to spend money on things we couldn’t afford that we wouldn’t have chosen ourselves.

You and your H can obviously afford to treat your mum but there may be some people round that table in very different circumstances.

Let your mum have her way.

Doingmybest12 · 20/08/2024 20:05

Do you feel she's being taken advantage of, are you worried she can't afford it, are you worried she feels duty bound and really she doesn't want to? Other than this I can't see why you aren't happy with her making her own decision? You could offer to cover drinks, or buy the coffees or puddings? I imagine she's just glad you are all turning out to celebrate and she wants to treat you. I don't think it's unusual.

user1471538275 · 20/08/2024 20:00

Everyone has different rules of this.

I would not be happy for someone paying for me. I also don't split the bill. There are a few people I might choose to pay for on their birthday but it would only ever be if it was my own choice and when I had the ability to pay.

You can choose for yourself, you can't choose for anyone else - including your mum.

FawnFrenchieMum · 20/08/2024 20:00

It varies m, generally we all pay for ourselves and may offer to spilt the birthday persons, but not always.
However for my mums last special birthday she booked and paid for us all instead of having a party which would have probably cost the same and been a much bigger headache.
I don’t think there is any right or wrong.

ditalini · 20/08/2024 19:59

Depends on the person. Some people love to treat and are uncomfortable the other way round.

Don't spoil your mum's night just to be "right" if it's really what she wants to do.

Fiery30 · 20/08/2024 19:58

I always pay for my birthday meal, irrespective of the price. It's my way of thanking my friends. My friend did the same at her birthday lunch. There is nothing wrong with it. If she wants to, let her.

Cosyblankets · 20/08/2024 19:57

Everyone is different
We would never do this in our family we would just pay for ourselves. In our family it would be a case of we're booking X restaurant on Y date and whoever goes pays for themselves.

statetrooperstacey · 20/08/2024 19:57

I’m not sure it matters what you think tbh, if your mum wants to pay and can afford it wind your neck in. It might give her a lot of pleasure to pay for everyone x

Runnerinthenight · 20/08/2024 19:57

If out to celebrate a birthday, my family and friends would cover the cost of the birthday person's meal, plus pay for our own.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 20/08/2024 19:56

Your mum is organizing it for her birthday, therefore, it is normal for her to pay for everyone. Just let her get on with it.

Unflip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread