Does your Dh play with your dc after work & at weekends?

I think he could give her 10-15 mins of special connected time

It’s a bit shitty to be honest. Did he want a kid?
my DH has a very high level job (think executive/c-suite level) so quite draining/ stressful and yet he can’t wait to get home to play with DC. He’s always game for whatever DC requests to do even last minute. Sometimes he’d beat me to pick up from school so that he gets the after - school excited hugs and chatter.

When mine were young DH would play with them at the weekends. He’d initiate taking them out and he’d get involved with whatever they were doing if they asked him to play. But in the week after work he was just too tired. He’d fob them off until bedtime. But he did do every other bedtime. Reading to them, talking to them and making their toys come alive. They’re teens now and don’t want him to play, but he chats to them every night before bed and they love it. They have a really close bond because he’s put that effort in.

In all honesty I don't know why your DH agreed to have a kid in the first place.

Yes, my DH works a very demanding job that often involves a lot of travel but when he is home he is fully engaged with the children. As soon as work is over, he plays with them, takes them outside to scooter or ride bikes, plays board games with them and we both do bath and bedtime together. On weekends he will often take the children for a full day out so I can have alone time at home. And when he travels for work he sends videos to show the children where he is, sends pictures of things that he thinks they will like and he always video calls them at bedtime.

This is normal behaviour and I wouldn't tolerate a partner who wasn't this engaged. Moreover, its not childcare! Its playing with you children and interacting with them--there should be plenty of rest time once DC are in bed.

My BIL finishes work and goes straight to his bedroom with four cans, watches tv, comes and eats dinner then sits alone upstairs and goes to sleep.

He says as he gets up at 4am and does a physical job that he deserves a rest and as my sister is only past time that she needs to “deal with the kids”

My sister hates playing with her kids and they often entertain themselves.

My sister and BIL love their kids but I think they had them as it was the expected thing to do. They were both young and my sister will use any excuse to palm them off. She has told me many times she had no idea how hard parenting was and she wishes she’d enjoyed freedom in her youth and remained child free.

The kids have everything they ask for (material wise) and are loved, fed, clothed, live in a nice house with pets they love. I’ve never seen my sister or BIL play with them though.
They take the kids on holiday and for days out but it’s usually something like a big playground or a kids activity group so they go off alone.

My DP adores kids and has a big family, whenever we looked after my niece and nephew he’d play football, beauty salons where he’d end up with painted toenails and make up on, have races, dance competitions, play shops etc…

One day in front of my BIL my nephew said “I wish daddy played with us like you”
My BIL was absolutely gutted and for a while took them out on bikes, played Lego, read stories, it just didn’t last because he hated it.

My niece and nephew are a bit older now and are happy enough. My sister argues what was the point in doing something that gave her and BIL no pleasure? She felt the kids would pick up on the fact they were faking it.

A lot of my friends are similar in that the kids do hobbies and activities and go on days out but my friends don’t really play with them. They often do baking and crafts and play with grandparents and aunties.

I think it’s lovely when people play with their kids but as long as they spend time with them do they need to play if they hate it?

My opinion really doesn’t matter though as I’m childfree, I knew that I’d find nothing more boring then playing for hours with kids so didn’t have any.
I don’t know why I commented… just musing I guess.
As most people commented that they do play with their kids I thought I’d add the other side of it.

Yes of course he does his part with our children and home. If not he could look around for another wife.

It’s not about what is enjoyment for the adult, play is the way kids connect with their parents and studies have shown whilst cuddles with mum produce oxytocin in kids playing with dads produces the same amount. So playing with your child is important.

Honestly op he sounds shit and you need to call him out before he does long term damage to your children into adults
My husband works away every other week he runs his own business the weeks he's home after his office hours he takes them to local park to practise bike / scooter. Plays catching them in the net' a huge blanket and pretends they're fish it's the sweetest. He doesn't often do bath time unless I'm not there he'll do a few emails whilst I watch them then he'll brush my eldests hair and do little ones teeth and we do 2 books each.
Weekends are 50/50

Yes of course he did. Because he is their parent and not an arse.

My dad was a farmer.
Gone from before we got up in the mornings and not home until dark. In the summer he’d not get home sometimes until 11pm because that’s how long it took the fruit to get packed.
He’d sit in his easy chair and my sister and I would play “beauty parlour” on him — we’d arrange his hair with clips and once, we painted his toenails, which he promptly forgot.
It was family laugh that Dad went to the doctor with ten bright red toenails for his annual checkup.
But no — he didn’t “play with us” — poor guy was exhausted. We got that.

I’m surprised anyone is defending your DH to be honest OP. Yes we all need a bit of decompression time after a day of work/ commuting but what about the parent that has been at home with the child all day? Do they not deserve that too? I’ve had a few very stressful jobs over the years & I still think that the all encompassing nature of childcare blows most of them out of the water! My DD is ND though so maybe that’s partly why. But my DP has always been very hands on with DD & with recognising that I need a break when he gets back from work. He also takes DD out regularly independently. What does your DH do with your DD when you’re working? I’m sorry OP but he sounds quite disengaged & I can understand why you feel sad for DD.

Yeah my husband (high pressure role) comes home and always seeks out our DS (5) to say hello to and then they’ll either spend some time chatting and messing around or they’ll head outside to play basketball/ football. Sometimes they’ll head to the shop or he takes him swimming after work as they’re both water babies and I fake it till I make it! We all eat together usually and we both do bedtime together anyway so alternate one of us doing a story etc. I get people need downtime but as adults we get that once he’s in bed and they really are little for such a short time in the grand scheme so even when I see he’s tired I appreciate he still always wants to talk to our son about his day first. Obviously if he’s had a super busy day I’ll take our son to the shop to give him 15 minutes or some nights I’ll take him to clubs etc. It’s a balance as partners to know when the other could do with some space but he’d never indicate to our son that he was a chore.

Yes, they have a play flight most nights which is what my son likes to do, or he will help him building lego and construction stuff.

We also do alternate bed times, so on his evenings he will spend more time with our child reading books etc .

Your husband needs to do try harder.

I think there are different ways of being present and engaged even if play is tricky. Eg not everyone loves imaginary play or board games but will do different activities. That could be ferrying them to places, reading/home work help or perhaps more physical things like riding a bike or chucking balls around. ‘Play’ isn’t necessarily the only thing but if there are no interactions at all over evenings or weekends then that is a different kettle of fish entirely.

My dh gets in at 6 and has tea. He will play switch with ds if asking for an hour. We do bed time together.

I work Saturday so dh entertains ds. He doesn't take him out much just local park or a bike ride. H he e will also do board games/crafts with him.

Sunday either I take DS out or we do something as a family

I’d tell your husband that your daughter has told you she is sad he doesn’t play with her much . ( yes she hasn’t said it- but he’s not going to ask her) guilt trip him into doing it. If he still doesn’t play, then he’s a massive cock!

DH plays with them more than I do on weekends but after school usually no. He is a teacher though so has probably had enough by the end of the day! When he was a house painter he played with them more daily.

I think the phone is the problem. He’s addicted.
Lots of people do this now. They’re missing life.

An ‘adult’ thing for me is playing with the children I chose to birth. I do this because they enjoy it, and because I enjoy it. Do you have children? Did you never do rough and tumble type play with a toddler? Play board games with an older child? Get involved in a role play type game? Does only doing ‘adult’ things mean you wouldn’t sit and draw with a child, do crafts with them?
My children are always seeking me out to play with them, did yours just not bother because they knew you wouldn’t do it? Or did they ask you to play and you said no?
All the things I mention above are the things that make having children fun, for me. Otherwise you’re just tending to their basic needs, aren’t you? Chores, basically.

That's really sad. Yes he does play with our DD. Every night.

Because they're adults and adults do adult things.

Is it part of being a parent if you take a large view? Historically and across the world rather than just in the west at this moment in time? I don't think it's universal.

What kind of things did they play with you?
None of my friends talk of their parents playing with them either.
They looked after us - playing was for children.

Yup, he comes in and she follows him to the bedroom and chats to him while he gets changed and I get dinner on the table. He helped clear up and then they play/ hang out together until bath/bed time which we share (he does story time) but he always sits with her until she falls asleep because I don’t have the patience.

I’m sure there are days when he would love to just lock himself in the bathroom but he just gets on with it and tbh he really does love spending time with her even though he’s relieved when she’s fallen asleep.

Also happy to take her out, recently suggested they may need a bit more one on one time as she’s had a really busy patch at work.

I would say I’m the exact opposite and have been known to sneak off to do my own thing when no-ones looking but if Dd asks me to play I always say yes unless I really have to do something else.