To be worried about future with older partner who has no private pension?

OP, has he got kids from any previous relationships? Do you both have Wills?

I think this changes everything.

If I discovered that my DP was planning to have me fund him in retirement but had never actually told me that, let alone asked if I was ok with that, then I would want to separate our finances completely and live separately.

Otherwise, it's full speed ahead into a disastrous financial future.

OP,
You need to have a good hard look at the decisions you have made because I think you are absolutely being used here.

I have a friend who did retirement planning until she retired herself and she said it was completely gobsmacking how totally unprepared for the financial reality so many were.
A real attitude of that inheritance/luck/the government or someone will somehow magic up and cover it.

Drastically reduced income often with a house to maintain.....if they are lucky, but often the absolute bare minimum in pension terms and are genuinely stunned at how their income will drop in a few years time. Catch up is very difficult in your 50's.

YOU are not making good plans for your retirement by having this man living off you.
Have you given any thought to just how restricted your life and retirement will be saddled with a user who has been living off you for years and now expects you to be his nurse with a purse?

That house would be getting valued yesterday if I were you.

I said it initially and your updates haven’t changed my opinon.

you are being lined up as a nurse with a purse.

he is already working PT due to health you’ll be expected to funds him and care for him and then when he shuffles off his mortal coil you’ll be up the creek with no paddle having spent your nest egg on him.

I am a not dissimilar age albeit with 2 babies in tow… if my DH started on with type of thing he’d be out the door.

I would be looking to extract yourself from this situation asap.

Do you pay inheritance tax on a co-owned property? When both parties live there?

A lot of women "do nothing" for more than 5 years.
If DH is ready to take on cooking,cleaning, organizing family time and generally being more available than OP I would see no problem in supporting. If you can afford it, life is much easier with one person at home

I’d be way more concerned about owning a house together and not being married. Having to pay inheritance tax if one of you passes away could absolutely shaft the other one and undo all your careful planning for retirement.

I would never be in that situation because I had a sponger once and I'm not going through that again.If a man doesn't fund his own life I'm not interested.

I meant that he needs to start right now to increase his earnings so he can pay more per month and/or into retirement investments. It would be up to the OP as to which she'd rather he do. Or both.

He’s really done a number on you.

He had you paying half the bills plus half of his mortgage when you lived in his place.

Then made sure you paid the same deposit as him for the place you bought together (despite you previously paying half of his mortgage for however long - so you’ve essentially partially funded his deposit).

Then he’s worked it so that you’re now paying 70% of everything, plus doing 50% of housework, while he sits off scratching his arse and working part time.

And finally, he expected you to fund his retirement.

Financially he’s done extremely well out of you, I can see why he thought that would continue.

I really hope he’s in for a rude awakening. He’s taken you for a total mug.

The absolute irresponsibility!

The 'baby' of the family has continued being babied and expects that to go on. Oh, they'll look after me. They'll leave me an inheritance. She'll look after me. HELLO?

Another vote for the 'nurse with a purse' scenario here.

And the lack of financial adulting and forward planning leaves me gobsmacked. Thinking he could retire and presumably get pension at 62?!

Don't let any man do that to you again.

Good job on spotlighting his pension stuff.

You've found your fire, well done. Do not let that heat die down, because he'll be hoping it will and it will all go back to normal.

And you're going to have to stand over him and push him to track down every possible workplace pension he's ever had. And to speak to a pensions & financial advisor.

https://www.gov.uk/contact-pension-service

https://www.moneyhelper.org.uk/en/pensions-and-retirement/pension-wise

https://www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/money-legal/pensions/state-pension/

Being realistic, you may now intend on working until you are 67 but that's still a long way off and your health may let you down enough to force you into retiring earlier than expected. I sincerely hope that this doesn't happen but it can and it does to some people.
He is looking to you to look after him in old age, you haven't said if you love him enough to do this, it's a big ask and you may well end up feeling resentful.
Think very carefully about your next steps and talk to him about how you feel and make it clear that you are not his Mother.

That’s not the most reassuring answer.

How happy with the financial side of things would you be if it wasn’t for the pension?

You were going 50/50 with him when you first moved in (including paying off his mortgage as rent - i.e. building the equity you then had to match from savings when you bought together). Was he earning less than you then? I do get this at the beginning of a relationship - you’re testing whether to commit. It’s fair enough, though the paying the mortgage as rent is a practice fraught with unfairness that generally favours the owning partner.

But how much of his agreement to buy with you and share finances was down to him seeing that he would be better off financially rather than wanting to have an equitable life with you? Do you think he’d be happy to fund you now if you suddenly weren’t able to work at all?

He doesn’t do more than half the housework despite you working longer hours to subsidise your life together. Could he? Or are his health issues debilitating enough that housework or paid work, it’s still too much? Is that something you’re happy with? How much has he ever sacrificed to improve your quality of life of help you towards your goals?

You can have a SIPP , especially if you are self employed.

I can understand your anxiety about this and you feel thrown by it all.

Where on earth did he think he could retire at 62 come from? Historically men could retire at 65 and women 60 but that changed years and years ago.

Firstly you need to see his state pension projection and find that old pension. Secondly he needs to increase his hours and contribute more.

Lastly, although not guaranteed his share of inheritance could generate pension age income as the half share as it currently stands would do so.

Supporting someone while they are training or looking for work is completely different to them just deciding to do nothing though. For 5 years!

@keepingsanity

It's more than a little flaky. Your concern is justified.

I cannot for the life of me understand why a woman would want a much older man unless he had plenty for himself and her,

An old man and subsidising him? You’ve not been paying attention.to how age gaps mostly work.

I’ve been with my dh 14 years and am struggling to see how this has never come up. Not quite the same but I recall being really shocked very early on when dh admitted he didn’t have contents insurance for the house which was full of fancy tech. I was considering my options at that point!

anyway I’d be seriously considering leaving. Or at least confront him about your feelings and see what he says.

I'm in a very similar situation and it's just come to light for me. Only been together 2.5 years and bouncing around the idea of living together.

He's 58 with no property and no pension, relying on an inheritance to fund his pension. Worked self employed for most of his life. His parent is 95 and still going strong and no care currently needed but I suspect it will be needed soon.

His current situation shows some very poor planning but with some life issues thrown in including divorce.

I've paid into a pension since 21 and have two properties. Some expected inheritance but hopefully many years away.

His plan is to work for as long as possible and get his inheritance then invest/flip houses.

For me the plan is a little flakey and makes me uncomfortable. All it takes is a parent needing care or an accident or I'll health. I don't want to work until im 67 and doubt he would be able to. And I want a good retirement. It could all work out really well...or could all fall on its arse.

I have some thinking and talking through to do with him if the relationship is to continue.

Will also look at his NI contributions.

You are his pension plan OP.

Well that's fine as you won't be expecting someone else to pay your living expenses while you retire at 62, will you?

That’s fair enough… unless you are expecting to retire 5 years before you get state pension and have your partner support you financially.

And then go on to do likewise, them paying for you from their own pension for the rest of your life.

Some people don't plan for the future or thing about money much. He isn't necessarily doing anything malicious. Not talking about it was normal for you both until now. My spouse used to be bad with money and I had a similar moment earlier in our marriage, along the lines of "How could we have never talked about this? How could we be so dumb!?"

WE worked it out. I really don't think it's nice to talk, think or expect an inheritance, but frankly he probably has that coming his way which will help.