AIBU thinking of leaving an "ok" relationship

I would genuinely rather be single than with someone who couldn't even say the words happy birthday and got annoyed at me for raising it / begrudged buying me a deodorant. He sounds mean and lazy which are fundamental personify traits, rather than minor annoying habits which are worth overlooking if everything else in the relationship is good

Sounds like he got a good life. Someone to cook for him, wash his clothes, do the household chores & give him sex every so often. I bet his happy as Larry.

You my dear need to leave. Yes, initially the grass might not be greener but there are hundreds of thousands of men pit there that you can start dating. I'm sure in time you'll find someone a lot better.

I couldn't be with someone who doesn't think about me on a daily basis - buying thay bar of chocolate when they are paying for fuel just because....they know you'll like it. Fancy not wishing you happy birthday. What a miserable git.

Afraid this sounds much less than ok - don’t settle for such an unfulfilling relationship. Staying put because you are scared of being single is ridiculous and you will pay the price later as he definitely won’t improve - more likely to get worse.

Assuming that you're financially sound he sounds lacking in generosity, financially but also in spirit.

The niggles will nip away at you so if you don't have children and are capable of managing alone I'd suggest you call it a day.

Imagine a baby. Who is doing the work? Not just the nights and the nappies but the engagement- finding clubs, planning trips, buying clothes, knowing when baby needs next size up. It's you.

So every moemnet you're on this path you aren't on the right path. You are straying further from your destination.

Every relationship I've had doubts about has been the wrong one. X

I disagree with this. I think it's not the woman, it's the man. They want someone to slot into their life. I don't think he'll magically change.

I thought I was going to read that he was a bit dull, you thought you'd settled, but he was basically a nice guy who loved and cared for you. I'm not one to say someone has to make your heart race 5 or 10 years in as I think that's unrealistic. But this doesn't really read like this. It's not an "ok" relationship. He doesn't compromise, he sounds selfish, he's prioritising his needs. I know all relationships require a bit of give and take but it seems a lot of you giving and him taking advantage of it. What do you get out of it compared to him?

What a misery. I would wager he'll only get more miserable as time goes by. I'd cut my losses if I were you. Sounds like you'd have a better life without him.

How did he give you a gift without wishing you happy birthday? Did he just leave it on the side?

Even my teenage son with just a part time job of a few hours will buy me small treats from the school tuck shop or the local coffee shop. You deserve to be cherished.

I've been married over 20 years, childhood sweethearts, snd he still can give me butterflies.

He brings me flowersxweekly, buys wine, books, little things he thinks I'll like without a thought to the cost.

Higher your bar.

Please trust me when I say that the grass on the other side is going to be greener than this.

Tight is not a good sign - if you're in a relationship and don't let a few toiletries slide knowing it'll probably all even out over time then it's a very selfish trait.

And hes tight with his time and emotions too. Again not great signs.

Listen to your gut x

Oh love. How old are you? I’m assuming pretty young? If he doesn’t tick your boxes and make your heart skip with joy in what are still pretty early days then think really hard about settling. He sounds like a miserly, lazy, stuck-in-his ways bloke already.

If you feel like this when things are easy (just the two of you to take care of and plenty of time for fun) it’s not going to get any easier when you have young kids or life stress. You really need a partner who’s a team with you, not another dependent to wait on

Nothing in your post suggests that this relationship is even ‘ok’ - it sounds woeful.

Please, for the love of god, raise your bar. He's fucking awful. This man doesn't cherish you or value you at all. The description of your relationship is the saddest fucking thing I've read all day. What a waste of your life and your potential.

Sorry but it sounds like he's not that into you.

Imagine just never feeling like you're worth a bar of chocolate or some toiletries. I have friends who would buy me dinner just cos they have a bit of extra cash and your man can't even wish you happy birthday.

You can end a relationship for whatever reason you want. And it shouldn't be about whether another man would be better, which you aren't going to find out if you're stuck with this one. Would you be happier single than with this one? Don't settle for mediocre.

Is there no way of talking to him about this and getting him to see how little thoughtful gestures matters to you?

It may come down to the thing about love languages, he thinks he is showing you love one way, but doesn't know how to show it to you in the way you would like it to be shown? Some people think the whole love languages thing is a load of bollocks but I definitely saw it with my parents. They ended up separating but now with years of hindsight, it is so obvious to my sister and I that they really did love each other, but they couldn't understand how the other person expressed that love.

Oh for a crystal ball eh!!

If you're not happy you're not happy. It's not fair to stay with him because you might not get anything better either. Why don't you speak to him and tell him everything you've said here?

My DH doesn't pick me up a chocolate bar or a bottle of wine, we share finances so there's never an issue over who has paid for what. However when I first met him and before we shared finances, there's no way he would have commented on what I was buying or asked me to pay more. And he would have paid for a meal as well as me paying for one.

A familiy member is more like you partner, he is awful over money and isn't good at sharing. It's awful to see.

Jeez. Don't settle for someone who doesn't even buy you a bar of chocolate or who wants payback for a shop. Imagine your life with someone who doesn't even say Happy Birthday! You are worth more than this.

I don't think there is any guarantee that the grass is greener, and if you read the relationship board there is plenty to suggest that life can be a LOT more brown (does that work??) Imagine you never met anyone again, how happy would you be being single? (This is a genuine question, not an assumption that you wouldn't be happier, single can be great!)

I'm not saying make your decision based on this, just that it is something to keep in mind

I dont think I could stay with someone like this.