How DO single parents cope?

Yes, as PP have said, there’s no choice. My DH died - after a fun 3 years dealing with cancer and parenting toddlers - and it’s been just me for the nearly 8 years since. Eldest has SN, and I’m finding teens the hardest bit so far. But there we are. Things could be better, things could be worse. I try to appreciate the moments that go well!

I had twins.

Stick them in the playpen/bouncer in the bathroom and get on with it,

Mine had to accept screaming sometimes - if I'm changing C's nappy I can't change B's at the same time.

We all lived.

You use a baby bouncer, a playpen etc. At 3 months you have the choice whether or not they accompany you to the toilet or shower.

If they cry, they cry. They will soon get used to the idea that you come back.

I mean there are millions of children raised by single parents so obviously most of those parents just crack on and get on with it.

What will your proposed charity do exactly?

A woman at work told me she had no idea how I managed to work full-time and raise 2 DC (I’m not a single parent). She kept saying it just seems impossible, how can you do it, how do you get them to school and then start work. I was a bit baffled tbh. I just do it. There’s no magic or science. Similarly I’m sure most single parents find a straightforward way to shower or poop.

I've never felt that I've had to 'cope'
I actually find it really condescending when people say that. I'm just a parent. Like a PP if I was on the loo and the DC cried then tough. Same as when I was in a relationship. I'd shower/ bath when they were in bed, or with them coming in and out of the bathroom. Occasionally they'd get in with me.

I'm not a single mum but my husband works away mon to Fri I have a 2 and 3 year old and heavily pregnant with my third . My husband is fantastic on the weekend. My mum died just before I had my first . It's bleak I really miss the emotions support

People always asked me how I managed to raise my five as a single parent (from when the eldest was nine and youngest two). I said I shouted a lot.

It's true. I shouted and lost my shit repeatedly. The house was a tip, we ate frozen pizza all the time, the kids never saw their father and he didn't pay a penny. But, oddly, they have extremely happy memories of their childhoods, probably because I HAD to let so much go!

I can only speak for myself, but looking after DS was SO much easier after ex & I split.

DS used to sit on the bathroom floor with his toys and chat while I showered. He had a play pen and a baby music centre on the kitchen floor while I cooked. We chatted, played together, ate together, slept together.

My only problem times were when getting my hair cut. DS watched me in the dentist chair and I once had a routine smear with DS happily snuggling on my chest.😁

I didn't find it that hard but I don't know how people manage to date as well. That must be tough.

We cope because we have to....if I was having a poop and she was screaming the place down then tough, she'd have to wait until I'd finished because there would literally be no other choice.

Lack of choice.

My sister is a single parent to two adopted children, so no other parent involved at all to share the load practically or financially.

Obviously it's really tough, but she genuinely can't fathom how people do it whilst maintaining a romantic relationship. She sees many advantages to being a single parent and can't imagine it any other way.

Donate to Gingerbread, the charity which offers practical support to single parents, and your local food bank.

My son was like this but the hoover stopped him for some reason. So I used to put it on next to him while I showered.

I have not been a single parent but it looks incredibly hard. Especially if there is an abusive ex trying to make things worse and trying to control the woman via coparenting. The resident parent just seems to get screwed over.

You just do.

What's the alternative?

It's not all hell, we do enjoy being a parent as much as others do.

I agree with PP, it’s so much easier being a single parent than parenting with someone that does nothing to help!

However, saying that, being a single parent is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. My DD is nearly 9, but she has SEN, and on the difficult days I could get to 9-10pm and still not had a proper drink or meal the whole entire day. You need to be incredibly resilient to raise a child alone, and if I didn’t have my family who help out and babysit so I can have some time to myself every now and then, I genuinely don’t think I would cope.

It’s genuinely hell. I am mid-mental breakdown (not even on the brink any more) and you just have no choice but to keep going.

No idea what your charity will do, but whatever it does please have a focus on being non-judgemental. There’s lots of supposed ‘help’ out there by the way of chat lines etc, and it seems to be older, previously SAHM who had a husband and family support, saying wholly unhelpful things like ‘you need to carve out more time for yourself’ and ‘your DS won’t remember the time you spend cleaning, just time time he spends with you.’ 💁‍♀️

Agreed.

Massive part as to why DC's dad is an ex.

The hardest thing I found was not the practical things but the total social isolation.

I just did it. I just got up and got on with it and I've realised two very independent and lovely young women.
I never questioned the work I had to do because like all things I knew it phase would pass

Very condescending OP, although I’ll bite my tongue and accept the financial aid your charity is going to bung my way.

We just do it, and roll our eyes/choke on our tea when mums at baby groups say they can’t cope because husband is away for work for a week.

Oh, and I had it easy because both my babies enjoy lying on the bathroom floor listening to the fan and water noises, so at least I’m usually clean. Same for hairdryer noise.

I found that being a single parent is easier than being in a relationship with a partner who does nothing to help.

I had support from Homestart when I became a single parent - a volunteer came and played with my children so I could do stuff. Friends would occasionally take them for me. I made the most of them being at their dad's house. But it's really hard.

Survived with help from family until kids started school/30 hours funding. Have a slightly above averagely paid job. That’s how I did it.

When I told DD's dad I was pregnant (unplanned) I virtually couldn't see him for dust 😂So I accepted I'd be doing it on my own. I loved it! Just me and DD and nobody else to have to worry about. You just get on with it and find ways of managing. I actually felt I had it easier than a lot of women who have a partner.