Can’t make a decision on taking his name

I didn't take my husband's name even though it was something I always imagined I would do. I initially did change it and just didn't like it and reverted back to my maiden name. My reasons are:

• it just didn't feel like my name. I almost felt homesick for my maiden name. It was a part of my identity and suddenly it was gone.
• I don't want this bit to sound snobby as that is not how it feels. My family has a really rich heritage and we can trace our direct ancestors back to almost 10 generations and the name has always been associated with the family. My husband's last name is his dad's last name and he doesn't know anything about his dad's family - to the point where he doesn't really know how many aunts and uncles he has on that side. For me it felt really strange going from a name I know so much about to one where even the name-bearer doesn't know anything about the family. It felt meaningless for me.
• Lastly, we're both Muslim and in Islam it is much more preferred that women keep their name than take their husbands. Even though I was born and raised in a western society where it's the norm to take your husband's name, for me, I leaned into my islamic identify to partly justify it to anyone who challenged my decision.

Edit to add: when I did change my name first it was really because I thought that's just what was expected when a woman gets married but it never really felt right for me. When I reverted back to my maiden name I felt really glad I did and haven't regretted it since.

We had a baby just over a year ago and she has both mine (her middle name) and my husband's name (last name).

One more edit after reading some responses - I also personally didn't mind if my children had a different name to me as I really did just feel that strongly about my own name.

I always feel.that the 'never occurred to me to change my name ' types say it with a certain degree of smugness and superiority.

I kept my own name. Never considered changing it. No regrets.

I changed mine when we got married 12 years ago. Went from a name everyone could spell and pronounce to one they can't! I still don't regret it.

I did think long and hard about whether to buy fundamentally it came down to wanting our whole family to have the same name when we had kids. DH didn't want to double barrel and to be honest the names didn't combo very well anyway so I didn't care enough to push it.

I double barrelled when I got married, children have both names too. Lots of women in professional careers use their own name for work.

I did take my ex's name and was really happy to do so at the time.
I kept my maiden name for work.
As the years passed, I wished I'd kept my maiden name. It's Indian and an important part of my identity. I am white, British and raised not knowing much about the Indian side of my family.

I couldn't wait to change back to my maiden name after my divorce (obviously it was for more reasons at that point).

My advice would be to do one or the other fully. It was a pain having my passport in my married name when I was travelling for work.

Not having the same name as my kids hasn't been an issue for me or them.

I decided to take my husband's name because I wasn't keen on my maiden name and it was the type of name that was easy to spell incorrectly. I haven't regretted it, the new name is more "normal" so less hassle really.
We now have 2 DC so easier that we all have the same name.
Whatever you decide is fine though.

I half heartedly changed it for somethings then got pissed off a few years ago and reverted to my original name which I will be happy to use when we book to go away for silver wedding next year.

I spent a huge amount of time considering this when I got married. My husband was fine with whatever I decided to do, but was also clear that he wouldn't be changing his name, which is fair enough and his right. In the end I kept my own name professionally (I'm well established in my career and didn't want to lose my client base) but use my married name outside of work. The big driver for me was having a single family surname when we had kids, and I've also come to like having different identities at home and at work - it's quite nice to 'take off' my professional hat at the end of the working week!

Three pages in and still not a single post where the husband and kids have taken the woman's name. Loads of "I changed mine so it would be the same as our children", without even questioning why the kids got his name in the first place.

So depressing.

If I'd put my body through pregnancy and birth, I'd damn well be getting top billing.

I changed mine, then when we got divorced I kept it as couldn't be arsed with the faff of changing my name everywhere AGAIN. Wish I'd just kept my original one tbh, although in fairness my name is better now and I don't consider it "his" anymore, it's mine.

Do you intensly dislike your name? Then indeed, marriage is a good option to get rid of it and start using something else. If you are perfectly happy with your name, then why even consider changing for no reason?

If you have children it’s nice to all have the same family name. Other than that consideration I think people put too much importance on this decision. Just choose which name sounds nicest and do what feels right.

Don't know if this is a Scottish thing but we tend to say 'your own name' rather than 'your maiden name'. You're right, maiden name has patriarchal overtones.

Fun fact, Scottish graveyards are full of couples buried as 'James Smith, and his wife Jessie Campbell'. Jessie was almost certainly Mrs Smith in life, but is buried under her own name.

@ABirdsEyeView
Just to add though that in Britain your name is always your name and using a married name is a social nicety which is legally allowed, but you aren't giving up any right to return to your original name. You can use both simultaneously and so whatever you do, doesn't have to be permanent. You are allowed to one for work and one for home, for example.

Not exactly. In France, where I live with my French husband it is the case that no matter what you choose, your "patronymic" : your father's name, is the one you keep your whole life. Married women have the option of being known by their husband's surname, but it is only ever " Jane SMITH épouse LECLERC" on legal documents (passport, when taking exams, writing a will: whatever), and if you get divorced and have made a career for yourself using your married name, your ex has to legally authorise you to keep using his name if you divorce.

In the UK you can call yourself whatever you like (his name, her name a third name you choose) but if you change your name to something else then you "lose" completely your "maiden" name: my sister in the UK has only her husband's name on her passport. Of course she would be entitled to go back to our family name, but also to change her name to something entirely different, because the UK is not fussed about keeping birth names in the way that France is.
So I kept my own name, even for work purposes, athough I could have been known as Mme LECLERC, there didn't seem much point. However, as when the DC were born it was not legally possible to give them my surname (the law has changed since then) I did what a PP did and gave them my surname as a middle name.
@PoptartBarry Could you simplify your foreign name a bit and take that as your new name, or choose a similar English one eg if you were Miss Lewinski you could become Mrs Lewis or Miss Koivukallionlehto become Mrs Kallion.

I changed mine... eventually. Overseas wedding so hassle getting translated certificates etc.l, got round to it eventually. .. but never regretted it.
I like having the same name as my kids so didn't like the idea of double barrelling, and his name was much more interesting than mine.

I never changed mine and I'm bloody happy I didn't now 20 years later when we are divorced. I also had a foreign name and changing it to a typical English name would have felt like I lost my nationality too in some weird way. My first name can be used in either country so without my surname nobody would be able to tell I wasn't British. It mattered to me.

I really liked the idea of DH, our child and I all having the same name, but felt very weird to take his family name. So we made a new one! I love it and it's special to us. Is that an option for you?

I know of two men who took their wives' surnames. Were quite desperate to, actually. Bot both live in a country with a bit of a cultural tension between two communities and were on the wrong side of the "acceptable" heritage.

I have never changed my birth name

And never call it my ‘maiden name’ as that term is is part of the patriarchal package IMO.

Dc have both our names, which reflect different national (and racial) heritages.

Me too. It's objectively weird but so are so many human rituals I guess.