To ask if you couldn't imagine leaving your baby and then young dc with strangers?

If exposure to children/people from different backgrounds is so important then why a lot of people on here argue that they have to work so that they can live in a better area/kids can go to a better school. Why do you feel your kids are better than those kids in less wealthy areas? Do you not want them to be exposed to children from different backgrounds?

DT’s nursery was 1:2 for the under 2’s (same as they would have got at home) and 1:3 for the other years. They spent time in soft play, in the sandbox, library, visits from fire service, yoga classes, daily trips to the park or forest school - together with lots of cuddles and love.

@StMarieforme Do not feel shamed. My parents didn’t give a damn about me and social services and grand parents raised me. I admire any parents who do what they can so their children have a happy and healthy life. Your children will thrive in any environment that encourages communication.

I agree the messy play before 2 but it’s often quoted as a pros of sending children to nursery as if it’s rocket science to do messy play at home. Also if you ever set up messy play for such young children you’ll know that their attention span is max 15 mins or so, what do they do for the rest of the 8-10 hour day in nursery when they’re not sleeping all eating? They will not be getting individual attention and cuddles for the majority of that time as the ratio is 1:3.

@HJA87 is clearly fucked off that so many of us have used nurseries, our children thrived, they've grown into happy, emotionally well adjusted and successful adults, and both mum and dad have sustained successful careers without any pension breaks!!

In a thread filled with sanctimonious BS (mainly from the OP), this one wins.

I earn £200k+ pa so no me (and my children) would not be better off if I sat home on my arse like you. I'm teaching them the value of working and being independent and not relying on a partner or the state.

But sure I just prefer the break 🙄

This.

Some of us had no choice. Thanks for the judgemental shaming.

What evidence? Everything you are saying is just opinion, and much of it very misinformed. I can assure you that many children under 2 enjoy being around children their own age and messy play, in fact 1-2 is prime time for loving sensory messy play. Children do not play together before 2, this does not mean they do not enjoy each other's company. You have zero right to decide if other people's children are thriving or not. There's been tons of studies into nursery vs SAHMs and no real conclusions, except that the impact is very mild either way.

Six months was the standard maternity leave when DT’s were born. You mentioned babies staying with their Mum - why the Mum and not the father although DH didn’t want to be a SAHP anymore than I did.
Their nursery was amazing - we visited so many and got on the waiting list whilst I was still pregnant. Highly qualified staff, low turnover, well equipped premises with lots of outdoor space. Two of the staff became our babysitters for years.

This is obviously an emotive subject and everyone is just making comments based on their own anecdata.

I grew up with two parents at home. But they weren’t at home. I grew up in a household in poverty so all I saw before I was in school was shit.

My own children have been in childcare since 9 months. My DD is going into Yr 9 and taking some GCSE’s this year. DS (autistic) struggles but that’s has no bearing on his upbringing.

I didn’t even consider giving up work - and tbh, that’s a privilege to those who have to return to work. Make be it’s my upbringing but I never wanted to rely on a partner to support me and I want my own career,
my own pension. I do not judge SAHP. I look at my children’s peers, and those I have taught for 25 years. I can’t distinguish between those who have been in childcare and those who haven’t. I know whose parents care about their education throughout though.

I think that if the parent who is at home is extremely judgmental and unkind towards others who don’t happen to be high rate tax payers then the children would really find benefit in a nursery and exposure to people from different backgrounds. So that the children can develop more empathy and kindness than may be being role modelled to them at home.

There are very few great nurseries. They are always undeststaffed, underpaid. We sent our child to the best in the are (offsted outstanding, 2 year waiting list), fancy nursery and although they tried their best, they really struggled with recruitment and keeping staff so there was a constant revolving door of staff (and often the people they do hired were not qualified for the job). The final
stroke was when they promoted their cleaner to be an educator. I don’t want to judge anyone who sends their child to nursery at 6 months old because they have to but come on, do you really believe that institutional setting is better for such a young baby (barely out of the newborn phase) than being with their mum? Don’t you think that by saying this you might make some first time mums question, if they are enough for their baby?

I said it’s damaging to children to spread the false belief or at least not always true. Some parents might be willing and able to stay with their children at home but don’t because they are told that it’s best to send them to nursery.. and some children might be better off staying with the parent at home. Where not sending the child to nursery would result in poverty then yes, they are most likely better off at nursery. Maybe I also shouldn’t have used the word damaging-“not optimal” is more accurate here.

Oh stop spouting crap. Nursery is not damaging to children.

Nurser was brilliant for DT’s - they thrived and learnt English - we don’t speak it at home. Nothing damaging when you choose a great nursery. They went full time from six months old

How dare you accuse me and all of the other parents on here of damaging our children. How fucking dare you.

The problem is that, for the fear of upsetting parents, people peddle the myth that nursery is good for babies. Everyone repeats the same phrases about babies “thriving” at nursery, making friends and loving messy play when al
those things are just not a thing until closer to 2/3. This is damaging to children as a lot of parents make the decision to send them to nursery based on that false belief where perhaps they would actually prefer and have the option to stay at home. This is common when on maternity leave with the second child for example.

Pre 3 years old I never sent my dcs to nursery:crèche as in my direct experience they aren’t good settings in Ireland or uk. People working there are often quite young , way too underpaid which I think is the biggest issue in childcare.
HOWEVER, some ,in fact a lot of parents have to work and don’t have any family support. You are extremely lucky when you casually mention “only leave them with family “. I’m 14 years a parent and my family have never, even for 5 mins looked after any of my dcs🤷‍♀️ Not working meant we had significantly less money than now and when you say “ oh don’t give me the have to work rw fees thing , emmm op many jobs you can’t take off years and years and go back to work that easily. I’m back at work now mine are all in primary and honestly it’s v hard. My job is demanding, there’s a hell of a lot more to balance than when they were small. I actually think now is a very difficult time to parent , the col and especially for those who have zero family support

Based on evidence, she didn’t just make it up

This isn't a study, it's a conservative therapist giving her opinion.
https://momjd.wordpress.com/2017/10/24/choosing-to-be-here-a-post-in-which-i-explain-why-i-quit-reading-erica-komisars-book-being-there/

I’ve not quit my job yet- I’m on maternity leave (as mentioned above).

You’re not a higher rate tax payer if you’re not working….

@IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos "
And people who don't have grandparent support? You know, because of living a distance away or the fact they've lost their parents or their parents simply don't want to help?

Do you have any grasp on a reality outside of your own bubble?"

I completely agree.

Or the grandparents are still working so have their own full time jobs. I had my child in my early thirties and the grandparents were all early 60s and still working.

Also health - one grandparent is disabled so would struggle with a large amount of childcare of a young child. The odd evening would be fine or when they are older and don't need as much running after but not the earlier years.

Here here. I absolutely agree @IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos

i chose to move to a better area so that when my kid goes to school she goes to a good school and gets a good education.

This meant I had to go back to work and she had to go to nursery. I’d make the same decision 10 times over.

everyone makes the best decisions for their family and the outright snobbery on this thread of people sitting on their high horses thinking they are superior to others is outrageous.