To ask if you couldn't imagine leaving your baby and then young dc with strangers?

I don't get how someone decides "a few months", "a year" and "around 9 months" are the same thing but can't understand how someone might infer that "a few" means three, but there we go.

So you had a poor experience but can't accept that many of us have had great ones?

You can't imagine that an 11 month old might enjoy splattering paint around, even though I am telling you I've seen my child at that age have a brilliant time doing it?

Why is only your experience right?

It was approx a year from start date to end date but there was a 3 month break in the middle due to travelling and also a lot of illnesses which means a 3rd of the sessions (if not more) were missed. So if we want to be completely accurate let’s say it was 9 months with breaks for sick days. Still don’t get how someone decided a few months means 3 months. Anyway, most of the parents seemed very happy with that nursery. It is considered one of the best and costs almost 3k per month full time. They did all the things mentioned on here (including card for every occasion, even celebrating pride month etc) but I can’t imagine a little baby enjoying to do that all day every day away from their parents. I have a young baby at home with me now and yes she might enjoy sticking her hand in paint but that’s not the main thing she wants to do, she mainly wants to be close to me. I also reached out to my eldest key person (who is also currently on mat leave) when I was trying to decide what to do after this mat leave and they have told me they would not be sending their new baby to nursery based on their experience working in nurseries (even though when she worked there, at pick up time, she was telling me what an amazing day my little one had 🙃). She did say that nursery was was the best out of the ones she worked at but still, she would never do it while they’re so young. They have another location for 2 years + and she said she would happily send her child there.

@HJA87 seems bitter. I guess if you sent your own child to a crap nursery for a while because you judged it by an Ofsted rating and then felt you had no choice but to stay home with them, it leaves you resenting parents who made better choices

This thread - though I didn’t read much beyond this judgemental, sanctimonious post - makes me feel sick. It’s great that others are pleased with their own choices, but how will we ever get anywhere as women when we treat one another so nastily?

My parents were the only people who looked after my ds until he was 3.5 years, by which time he could communicate with me (asd+adhd so couldn’t speak really except to me).

I absolutely would not have left him with anyone else before then, and even then it was tricky (not an SEN setting etc).

Im a SW, it makes you paranoid. I can count the people I would trust him with on one hand.

Just reminding you of the "a few months" that you've now turned into a year.

You said "a few months". Now it's a year?

Mine went at 11 months. She did those things with support from the staff. She absolutely could stick her hand in paint and then onto a piece of paper, which was then turned into a card. She could hold things and make marks. She could dip cakes into icing and throw sprinkles.

I know she could do those things because she also did them at home with me.

It sounds like you had a bad experience with a nursery that you chose based on an Ofsted report instead of how the nursery is run. Ours recently got a Great rating from Ofsted, but it was set up by a group of parents who wanted to run a nursery based on what they wanted for their kids. I also spoke to friends and other local parents.

But because you had a poor experience doesn't mean that every nursery experience is bad.

Step outside your bubble for a second and consider the fact that if many people are telling you something is true, based on their own experiences, then maybe it actually could be true?

I didn’t say that it was I said that it can be and this is the difference between you and I. You are 100% sure that your position is correct for every single family.

I am saying that for some families who choose nursery these might be some of the reasons why.

i have absolutely zero issue with people who don’t put their kids into nursery, in fact I envy immensely those who have the option.

What I don’t appreciate is being treated as inferior and told I am “damaging” my kids by people like you, for not having been privileged enough to have options you have.

Honestly I do also agree with this because if you don’t enjoy looking after your children full time then it can’t be good for them either, so in that case nursery might not be a bad thing.

Can you not see how yet again you might be making mums/people who don’t use nursery for second maternity leave like they’re not enough/doing their child a disservice by keeping them home? Why is it ok to say it’s sad/difficult to pull them out but not the other way round? This is what I mean about everyone peddling this narrative about how kids are better off in nursery and if someone dares say otherwise, there a big outcry because someone might get offended.

A baby will not be able to do most of the above, denfinitely not at 6, 9 or 12 months (play doh, making cards, decorating cakes). It’s a specially said when a non-walker/crawler is propped up in a corner when the older kids are playing outside (something I saw during an open day). Closer to 2, yes I’m sure they would enjoy doing those activities. I don’t know where the 3 months came from, my child was in nursery for approx 1 year although she was at home a lot of the time with constant illnesses. Yes there was an app and they did update me but as I say, there is only so much you can do to fill the time. And to be honest, young kids should have some time to chill which is difficult in a loud room full of babies/toddlers.

Agree but also some parents can't cope and that's ok too.

Not all parents are cut out for looking after young children all day every day and it's not a bad thing if they use childcare to help them through it.

It’s not that other mums can’t cope it’s that for many children remaining in their routine and structure after the birth of a second child is the best thing for that child.

If children have bonded and have relationships with the nursery caregivers and other children then pulling them away from that can be sad and difficult.

Also when parents return from mat leave they will have to find another nursery placement for that child and they’re like hens teeth in many areas so giving up that placement would be unwise.

Cant you see that there are a million other scenarios other than that you’re a super mum and everybody else is incapable of coping?

I'm really nervous about leaving my dd with people I don't know but would be more willing to put her in a preschool rather than a nursery, I think this is because I'm a teacher though so familiar with schools.

Well if someone has 3/4 children then they are unlikely to all be preschool age so presumably some will be at school. In any case it seems like most people can’t even cope with 2 because when I was pulling my eldest out of nursery for my mat leave, the nursery managers told me only one other mum did that in the whole to nursery. People say they need the respite from the toddler so they can spend some time with the baby yet they’re happy to send their babies/toddlers for other people (nursery staff) to deal with, multiple at a time.

How many DC do you have @HHJA87 ?

DD sits around being miserable for 8 hours, clearly.

They do messy play. They play in the garden. They read. They have time to themselves if they want it. They play alongside other children. There's a play kitchen, play shop, blocks, puppets, dolls/babies, soft toys. They do activities relevant to the time of year (eg Easter, Christmas, Valentine's, other cultural holidays and festivals). When it snows they bring it in for them to experience and they explain why it melts and where it comes from. They draw and paint and play with playdoh. They do activities that help with their fine motor skills. They decorate cakes, biscuits etc. They have dance parties.

She's come home with cards she's made for us for every celebration possible. Sunflower seeds she's planted. Cakes she's decorated.

They ask for things to be completed so they can do things relevant to them. Such as family trees, their pets etc.

She is busy all day doing so many things she enjoys. She comes home covered in sand, paint, mud from the garden, bits of playdoh, marker pen, glitter, glue. And she runs out beaming and excited to tell us about her day.

There's an app that they update with what they've been doing, what they've eaten. I even know every nappy change she's had.

You used nursery for three months. Did you never ask on pick up "what have you been up to today??" so you knew what he was doing?

You don't even need to ask - both DD's CM and nursery would immediate tell me at the end of each day what DD had been doing. The CM initially had a book as well but I kind of encouraged her not to write in it once DD could be trusted to tell something of the truth about her day. DD did tell some tall stories to both her CM and me about her activities with each of us.

Ofsted rating outstanding just means they are very good at doing paperwork.

One outstanding nursery friends' sent their kids to didn't understand about allergies and tried to kill one of their children. OFSTED weren't interested when both the A&E doctor and GP said contact them after they complained to the nursery.

Then my DD and a few other kids I know are completely screwed then as their fathers were their primary or equal carer when they were little.

In reality they expect all adults to be able to help them do things when little and have to be told that a is better at doing b and x is better at doing y, rather than based on the person's sex.

I'm a bit confused how you sent your child to nursery and never found out what they did for the 8-10 hours. It's normal to ask a lot of questions about what your child did each day and to stay in close touch throughout the time via Tapestry. The children free-flow between many different activities and staff adapt quickly to what the children are showing an interest in throughout the day. I've never once seen children milling about aimlessly at nursery (except maybe when they've been asked to tidy up), they are always engaged in activities of their choice, some of them adult-led, but most of the time, things they have decided to do using the resources available to them.

The ratio is 1 adult for every 3 children in the room, so if there are 6 children sometimes there will be 5 doing an activity whilst 1 needs some cuddles and individual attention.

It's also strange that you say that a mother shouldn't send her child to nursery if she is on maternity leave, so in that case, what if she has 3 or 4 children? Surely none of her children are getting 1:1 attention either, so are being even more badly damaged?

My kids gets exposed to people from all walks of life. Just because I moved to a better area by no means means I live in a wealthy area. I grew up in the most deprived area of the country. I now live in a slightly less deprived area.

You have absolutely ZERO understanding of these things and you live in a completely different world from me.

And that’s okay, I wish you all the best with your trad wife life.

Some people choose to stay at home because they choose to.

Some people choose to work because they want to.

Some people need to stay at home for whatever reason.

Some people need to work for whatever reason.

Let’s just leave it at that.

No OP I did not leave my DD with strangers. I had a live in professional nanny, the same one for ten years.

As a lone parent I had no choice but to go back to work.

And honestly the amount of women who get royally f*cked over by their DH or partners after giving up work, being a SAHP then get shafted through divorce and can't earn a decent living....I would not have had it any other way.

As a child-free woman I think it's great that you had the resources to do this. Some women don't and I don't see any point to your post than making them feel guilty.