To ask if you couldn't imagine leaving your baby and then young dc with strangers?

Ok whatever you need to tell yourself to make you feel better.

What a shitty comment 🙄

For me, it would've been easier to work p/t all the way through than to take time out as the kids would've been used to it.

It's not meant as a lecture. It's something I didn't realise at the time, and it's not something any of the SAHMs I know think about, they are thinking of the next couple of years and not the future. We don't talk about it enough. It's not to say women shouldn't stay at home if they want to and are able to, it's that we need to think about what this means in the longer term and if you stay at home, think about making pension contributions during that time and how you are going to go back to work if you need to. I know some women will find it easier, it was harder to get back to work than I expected it to be and my kids have struggled to adjust to not having one of us here all the time, but it's not financially feasible for us to have a SAHP when they are school age.

No worries good to know you still think we’re all damaging our kids. Best of luck to you and yours.

Ok whatever you need to tell yourself to make you feel better.

I feel like people are slightly over invested in this thread. You are all clearly more than happy with your choices so take no notice of strangers’ comments and move on with your life.

@TheAlchemy i didn’t really back pedal on anything, just came to the conclusion that we are not going to agree on this and that it doesn’t affect me in any way what other people do with their kids. My opinion about nurseries is still the same.

The back pedalling from “everyone who puts their kids in to a nursery just wants a break and is damaging their children” to this was really an absolutely wild read. Good job.

Umm no. There are quite a few people who are better off financially at work and may also benefit from free childcare hours.

Most parents try to do their best for their children, be it looking after them themselves, or earning more to give them more opportunities in life. We need to be empathetic about the choices people make and not judgemental.

@HJA87

I'm happy with my choices. Which is why I don't have to lecture people.

You are not happy with the choices you made which is why you've now changed them. Which is fine, but don't lecture people.

Your nursery is a poor one. Ofsted, waiting lists and costs don't make it good. And yes, I know the qualifications of the staff at ours because they are open about it. And they all have them or are training for them while being supervised. And our ratio is over the legal minimum.

Everything you've said just shows that you were unhappy with the choice you made for your eldest and therefore you've decided to do it differently now. But to justify that to yourself you're telling everyone possible why nursery is bad. If you were truly happy with your choices, you wouldn't feel the need to.

My child is happy. She's not damaged like you think she will be from attending nursery. Maybe you think your eldest is, seeing as you sent them to nursery and don't like nursery AND had a poor experience. But that's just you. No one else.

The qualifications of the staff were posted on their website - all qualified as nursery staff, teachers, nurses - could also see when they started working there

I’ve said it numerous times now that my decision is not based on my experience with that one specific nursery I used. I just think small babies belong with their family at home. That’s my belief. It’s clear from this thread that my belief is not shared by many and is even causing upset but I’m not responsible for how my opinion makes other people feel. I’m not going to change it and pretend I meant something else to make people feel better. Please can everyone who doesn’t agree with my opinions just ignore any comments that I’ve made about nurseries. It’s not meant as a personal attack on you. The OP asked if there were other people who could relate to her which I did so I commented. If you don’t relate, why even comment in this thread?

I would love to see someone trying to explain to a 9 month old that this is a quiet time so they should be quiet 😅. Let’s not pretend that a room full of babies will ever be quiet unless they happen to all be asleep at the same time. Also the separation will be 0-24 months or 0-12 at best. 6 months old baby’s need will be v different to those of a 1 year old. A 6 month old will still be on 3 naps a day for example, I would imagine that’s quite hard to achieve in nursery even with the best intentions. But I’m happy your children gained so much from their nursery, good for them.

Your sentence “I don’t like babies in nursery generally which is why mine are at home with me.”(sic) is why you are getting backlash from people. You could have said something along the lines of, your one experience with one nursery was negative for you and therefore, you felt the best decision for your family was to be a SAHP. That would have been completely non judgmental and perfectly understandable. Instead, you have deliberately (?) chosen provocative language.

(Edit for bad formatting.)

@lolly792 yeah I’m pretty sure that’s what I said in my first post and kept saying ever since- I don’t like babies in nurseries generally which is why mine are at home with me. I did also mention about the staff turnover in the specific nursery my child was in but that’s a widespread problem, nothing to do with that individual nursery. Now that it transpires your children are all grown up, I understand why you might not know this as maybe back in the day this problem didn’t exist.

Which is why they divide children into separate rooms with activities designed specifically for their stage of development and build in a period of "quiet time" into each day. Many nurseries also have a separate "quiet room". I feel like you have no idea what a good nursery actually looks like and why many children gain so much from them.

Saying is that you don't like any nurseries at all for your own kids - then that's somewhat different , but again, fine , they're your kids! Let others do what's best for theirs

Oh honestly!!! Don't try that one!!

I've already said countless times that my own 3 children are now all adults - happy, well adjusted and doing very well, absolutely no harm done by the fact they went to nursery.

You are the one who said you weren't happy with your kid's nursery, which is really sad, and you obviously did the right thing by pulling them out and giving up work. I would have had to do the same in those circumstances. I don't know why you're being tetchy when you were the one who was critical of it.

If what you're actually now say

I already said that we should agree to disagree as it’s clearly causing upset but for some reason you keep going on about how crap my nursery was. It’s as if you’re trying to convince yourself of something. You seem very triggered for someone who’s happy with their parenting choices.

I'm not trying to convince you of anything about your own kid, your own family, your own desire to stay home! Just stop lecturing other people about their choices for their children. They will have done their research, investigated the nurseries they are interested in and will make decisions in the interest of their children.

@lolly792 and the problem is only going to get worse feweek.co.uk/nursery-staff-to-child-qualification-tweaks-spark-criticism/

I’m also not sure why you’re still arguing with me. You’re not going to convince me that if only I found a better nursery I would have been happy to send my kids. My decision to take my child out of nursery isn’t actually mainly driven by my experience at that specific nursery but rather by the research I’ve done since and just purely the fact that I don’t want to miss out on this time with my children.

Do you know the qualifications of every single educator at your nursery? Because there is no legal requirements for everyone in the room to have qualifications. Don’t know if you’ve heard about the massive recruitment crisis, it’s happening everywhere so more nurseries than not will have the same problem. The new funded hours will only make it worse. I viewed all of the nurseries in the area and this one is by far the best one. There’s fresh food cooked by a chef every day for example rather than beans on toast and cakes like some of the others. It’s a beautiful setting with montessori wooden toys, forest school etc. They do all the activities that people mentioned and provide updates etc. And I’m sure it’s great for older kids who are not that affected by staff turnover and don’t need their parents the same way as little babies do.

@HJA87 you said upthread you sent your kid to a nursery where they promoted a cleaner to be an educator! Yet you're now claiming it was a good nursery. Clearly you set the bar pretty low if that's what you think is a good nursery. Dozens of other people on this thread have had totally different experiences with their own children.

Or do you think you know everyone else's children best?!!

99% of ppl on this thread will tell you he would have been fine from 6 months but if you don’t want him to go yet and he doesn’t need to then why send him? I’d say enjoy the extra time with your son.

I used non essential childcare (creche at the gym) from about 12 weeks with my second child and 2 and a half for my first (nursery 2 days a week despite working evenings)

I trusted the people to take care of them and they did a great job. The kids enjoyed going to the creche and nursery really helped get them ready for school. They are 7 and 9 now and we still talk about nursery and they still go to the same childcare at the gym.

It's absolutely fine if you don't want to leave your child with anyone other than family when they are tiny but it doesn't make anyone who is happy with it a bad person who is making the wrong decision. They are making the right (and often the only) choice for their circumstances.

I freely admit that too much time with my kids drives me insane and I need a break. Working is often a lot easier than looking after a toddler and even 7 and 9 year olds who love to argue and moan constantly!!

There will always be a small risk to your child if you let them out of your sight and even if you keep them in it. The risk never changes, it just gets different even when the childcare becomes school, when they get older and become independent. We just have to do the best we can in whatever way we see fit as long as it's legal and as safe as it can be.