To ask if you couldn't imagine leaving your baby and then young dc with strangers?

What a ridiculous thread 🙄🙄 of course if you don’t want to leave your children with ‘strangers’ OP that’s absolutely fine. I had to leave my children at 9 months in order to go to work and keep a roof over our head. Where is your evidence that most people would be financially better off being stay at home mums and that they just don’t want to admit they want a break because we would have defaulted on our mortgage if I hadn’t gone back to work. And the poster that says older is definitely the right age for nurseries etc - yes in your opinion, you can’t make a blanket statement that what you have done is applicable to everyone else. I can’t believe I’m even replying to this thread because it’s goady AF.

We all have choices some harder than others. Maybe mine would have been better off in nursery? I just would have struggled when they were tiny.

So it's actually about your feelings, not about what benefits or doesn’t benefit your dc?

Can I admit that way back in the day I used to be a bit sanctimonious about this issue (internally)? I'm admitting it so I can help explain some reasons why I came to that.

1. My own experience with my mother going back to work and how it didn't change things for the better. It was a bit traumatic to be honest. This was a huge block in my life really.
2. Lack of diverse life experience and a full view that it really wasn't always something someone could choose, even if they wanted to.
3. I'm probably ND and saw things a bit black and white. I've grown as a person and see things more in shades of grey now.
4. Complete naivety as to the precarious position I was putting myself in as a woman and mother financially. I was just lucky.

I don't regret having been with my children and I think it was the best decision for us, but I should have been less black and white about the issue. It was right for me and I do think that it's ideal for children under 3 to be with a parent, but I recognise that not everyone is me, wants the same things or has the same choices.

I think it would also have helped to have a parent who taught me that there could be in between options (like working very part-time) and that it was okay to do that. I don't think I'd have chosen differently given my time again, but I would have done more to ensure my employ ability in those days, just in case.

In the end, we're all just doing the best we can and there can be many paths to being a good parent.

My children went to a wonderful childminder from 10 months/ 12 months respectively. She is a warm, loving woman - a mum herself to similar age children. I spent time in her home with them and we got on well. They adored her and always went in happily and didn't want to leave (her garden was a kids paradise!)
DC are older now but we're still in touch.

I genuinely didn't feel guilty at all.

I chose a nursery that I thought was high quality and well run. The staff weren't strangers to me for long.

We both earn well - so I could have been a SAHM or my DH a SAHD but neither of us wanted to and I really don't feel bad about that at all. I love my kids but I don't want to look after them 24/7.

If someone wants to be a SAHP and enjoys it, that's great for them, I am not judgemental at all about their choices.

This is such a goady thread. Trashing working mums again - there's at least 1 a week of these and frankly it's getting boring!

I left mine at nursery as I had to, but I chose nursery over childminder as I thought better cp procedures would be in place including cctv, windows in doors to changing room eg.

I find it so unhealthy that people straight up refuse to leave their children with anyone, what would you do in an emergency?

I left my children with close family and friends that I knew well. I don't know anyone who never left their child with anyone.

We got to know the staff at my sons small nursery very well in the tester days and then I had lots of communication whilst he was there in the day, and lots of chatting at pickup. He was looked after by the same two women for the first year. So they really weren’t ‘strangers’?

And they’re much better qualified than grandparents would be, even if you have helpful healthy ones who can help with childcare (which we don’t).

The nursery staff weren’t strangers. We visited several times before they started and they had settling in sessions with me. The staff were fully qualified, knew first aid and had an outstanding ofsted report. I would never leave them with a stranger at such a young age.

Both kids started childcare at 9 months old. The second was maybe harder as he was still breastfeeding. They both seem to enjoy the childcare though and I trusted the adults.

What an unpleasant set of posts @A2J. It’s a pity you need to validate your (perfectly valid) choices by putting other people down for their (also perfectly valid) choices.

I think usually when people are this sanctimonious about an issue, it’s coming from some type of guilt projecting onto something.
I love that my baby goes to nursery and plays with other kids his own age, makes friends, learns social skills, has a brilliant routine and eats more food then I could ever coax him into eating at home.

A lot of people don’t have a choice and have to send young DC into nursery/childminders. Not everyone is as lucky as you regardless if they could not imagine or want to send them that young.

Maybe you earn very little but everyone in my social circle is far better off working. So I'm not sure of the "very few" people you speak of. And you also have to factor in loss of potential earnings. Taking a 3-4 year career break is going to be a massive financial hit for most people.

Mine were in nursery from 9 months old. Largely so we could afford to live in our little house, but also because neither of us wanted to lose our careers. They have turned out to be very different dc but have fond memories of thr nursery and childminders they had over the years. My dad and uncles were looked after by their ailing grandmother, so my gran could work. Bet that was a bundle of fun.

Mine didn't go to nursery because I didn't want them to, I liked being with them, and it suited me more philosophically. But I do agree that your responses are goady to those who made different choices.

My son was 10 months old when he first went to his childminder, he’s 3 next month and he is absolutely thriving. I don’t feel bad one bit that I went back to a job I loved as he has been so well looked after. I find it so unhealthy that people straight up refuse to leave their children with anyone, what would you do in an emergency? I wouldn’t want my child stuck to me like glue, he is independent and confident. Good for you if you wanted to stay home and me with them 24-7. I’d love to be with mine but unfortunately we wouldn’t be able to afford living on one wage and I don’t want to rely on my husband for money.

🍪

I felt nervous about sending them in but within 2 weeks the children had settled and I was happy to be back at work.

Spending years on end at home full time is not for me. Or for my husband. My parents always worked full time so the concept is alien to me.

Edit sorry forgot to quote @A2J

A nice emotive title you've used there OP. Well many people don't have the choice. There are ladies on my due date group who had to go back to work before their babies were 6 months old due to maternity pay being so terrible. They spent a long time finding a nursery or childminder that suited their child and met the staff so they weren't complete strangers.

I'm older and had my child later in life due to infertility. I am staying home until my DC is at primary. But I am fully aware that I am very privileged to be able to do so. I also had an abusive childhood so I have no family to fall back on for childcare. If we didn't have the money it would be using childcare or having no child at all.

What?? Super judgemental and narrow minded.

My boy was able to show me / communicate he was happy or not at 14m when he first started nursery. My daughter started this month at 9m. She's been dropping off / picking up her brother since she was born and knows them well. I think an unhappy baby is pretty clear. But sure, guilt other mums to validate your own choices. 👍

And yes, some people do have to work. We are better off sending 2 to nursery and me working part time, especially when you consider pension, mortgage eligibility, career progression. All things you've conveniently forgotten.

And HEAVENS FORBID a mum wanting 5 minutes peace. I haven't started work yet and STILL send my girl in once a week to get her prepared for full time!! clutching pearls

I became a stay at home mum after having our first child. I had planned on going back to work but I couldn't face leaving him and as we could afford it, it was a good choice for us.

Both of my children went to preschool for a couple of afternoons per week and then nursery at school which they mostly liked.

Our circumstances meant that I've never returned to work and our youngest is a teen now. I've really enjoyed being at home with them.