To ask if you couldn't imagine leaving your baby and then young dc with strangers?

Just adding from my last post. Some of us live in "little houses" too, and still have no choice but to send them to nursery, financially.

You might not think you're putting other mums down with this, but you are by saying you can't imagine how it could be done. It's done because that's the best course of action for that family.

What a horrible judgemental post. Have you thought that some forms of abuse a 3 year old wouldn't even know what was happening. Pervert with a camera set up in the toilets for example, sitting on teachers lap while teacher seems a bit fidgety and distracted, this happened to my DH and he said it was only years later that he realised the teacher was masturbating..

We all have to take chances with our children but I don't think you are particularly amazing as you kept them at home till 3.

It’s the responses like this, which may you come across as being rude, OP.

I prefer working to looking after my DC full time. Is that an issue?

I’m absolutely positive that if I was a man, then no one would bat an eye lid at that statement.

This thread is full of good old fashioned misogynistic thinking!

We couldn't afford for both of us to not be working, DHs parents are too old to look after a small child for full days and mine live too far away. So that meant nursery at 11 months old.

Did I want to? Not really. Did I deal with it because she needs a roof over her head more than three days of the week not with "strangers"? Yes.

It's hard. But sometimes necessary. Don't shame us for it just because you don't want to do it.

@imisscashmere I suggest you read the thread if you don't believe the OP is being judgemental!

The OP writes about people using nurseries because they don't like being a parent, people preferring work to being a parent (wtaf?!) ..... and then the usual condescending 'of course, I'm so lucky, some parents don't have a choice .....'
Though ironically, it seems that sadly the OP didn't feel she had a choice about how to parent due to being a victim of abuse. That's really awful but unfortunately it seems to have made her very judgemental about others.

FFS OP, read the room.

You’ve come on to a forum full of mums, many who HAVE to go to work to keep a roof over their heads and food in their tummies. Lots don’t have the luxury to stay at home or families that want or able to help. All threads like this do is make them feel shit- all to boost your superiority complex. Way to go.

What's the point in your thread? just to bash us parents (well mothers) who work - whether out of choice, necessity or a combination? My baby is well taken care of by professionals whilst I work to pay our mortgage, bills and buy food, alongside having some much needed time at work which benefits my mental health and my parenting. Everyone's choice is valid - you are not better because you didn't use childcare.

Women give their own and others choices far too much headspace.

What's the weather like up there on your self awarded pedestal @A2J

My baby will be going to nursery at 7 months because we will be financially better off if she does. I can't afford my mortgage on maternity pay. Childcare costs aren't anywhere near 'astronomical' where I live.

How has the OP been unpleasant about others?! They literally just asked if anybody else felt they same as they did. Turns out, some people do.

Where is the nasty judgement? I think you’re projecting.

I get this. At no point did anyone tell me I mattered too. I made decisions to stay at home because I did what I thought was best for the kids. I don't regret it but was definitely under a 'you're a mother now, the kids come first always' kind of upbringing myself. I am happy with my choices and do think it was best for all of us, I just think it would have been good to feel like I had choices. Even if it was just that it's okay to go out to a hobby group once a month or something.

I think the only thing I'd change is being more mindful of keeping up my employ ability. As it was, even after many years, I had no problem with that issue in the end, but I should have been more mindful of myself in that regard. I wouldn't change the decision to SAH.

The OP just asked if other people felt the same as her, and couldn’t imagine doing it.

If that makes people feel inferior, they have their own issues going on! It’s just a question. Are we not allowed to ask how people feel about things?

The other thing to add is that, for me, our family choices have been about all of us, not just about the children.

I didn't go back to work because I thought it was best for the kids. I didn't think it was a bad thing for the kids but primarily I went back because I wanted to. And I am not ashamed of that. I would have been miserable giving up work and I matter too.

And this isn't intended as a dig at anyone else, I'm really unbothered what other women do, if it makes you happy to be at home with your kids, that's great

The whole no-leaving-my-child with ‘strangers’ thing is such a recent phenomenon though. British society is so much less inter-generational than it was say 50+ years ago where all kinds of people would’ve had a role in upbringing, albeit it informal. As children, we just meet far fewer grownups than our grandparents would’ve done.

So, yes, I have to leave my child with ‘strangers.’ Their alternate name is ‘fully-qualified early years practitioners who love and nurture my child.’ A relative who likes to shame me for it forgets that she has a parent on tap for when she wants to go to the gym or the salon or have a lie-in. She gets plenty of breaks from her children. You can be grateful for the way your village has fallen without making women in a less fortunate position than you feel like crap.

What a nasty judgemental thread.

My children went to nursery from a very young age, pre-verbal, as Mat leave was only a few months long when I had babies. Even now with a year long leave, babies aren't going to be talking when mums return to work. Some parents don't have a choice as they need to work, some want to retain their careers . And guess what? - these parents love their children just as much as SAHP do!

My 3 kids are now adults, happy, well adjusted and successful - and that's what matters.

@A2J it's very sad that you suffered abuse; I wonder if one of its impacts is that you have become very judgemental of other mothers, and don't understand that they may be making different choices to you but ones which are just as good and valid. Perhaps a lack of confidence stemming from your abuse has meant you actually feel very little choice about your own situation and enabling your children to be looked after in different situations.

Whatever way, please try not to be so unpleasant about others. We are all raising our children with love and care into the best adults they can be - we don't all have to do it as a carbon copy of you.

OP you sound like a fabulous parent - unfortunately data post lockdown shows that preschool aged children suffered from a lack of parenting input in general - slower talkers, slower to potty train.
I'm a childminder - and a home educator - I've never had to leave my kids with someone else so I'm on the other side of the fence. What I will say is all my parents say that their little ones (2 +) go past my house wanting to go in at the weekends, they all go away with a huge cuddle and arrive the same way. Some people want to leave their kids and some have no choice but all the kids are cherished, cuddled to sleep when needed, sit all day on my knee if needed. Your childcare provider is only a stranger for a short time - and sadly the abuse you suffered as a child was by someone your parents thought they knew (if I'm reading your post correctly).

This may have been absolutely the right age and right decision for you and your family.

But we are not all the same and we don't all live the same lives in the same circumstances.

For the OP and for you it is great that you were able to make the decisions that work for your situation, history, lifestyle etc. Isn't it great that safe, trained professional childcare exists in order that those for whom their DC staying home until 3 years 4 months (1 week 3 hours and 21 seconds?) wasn't the best thing. Perhaps because it would have been difficult to take that time out of a career and return after a gap. Perhaps because they were a single parent and would have lost secure accommodation if they didn't work, perhaps because they find their work fulfilling and having that separate time enables them to be a better parent. Perhaps they are ill, or a carer for a relative and their child thrives on the socialisation and activities that nursery provides for them.

Walk a mile in someone else's shoes before proclaiming that there is one right way (that happens to be your way).

So what do you do about your job and pension etc while you're sitting at home until your child reaches the magical age of 3 years and 4 months? Do you think employers will be delighted to just take you back when you decide your child is old enough for daycare?