To ask if you couldn't imagine leaving your baby and then young dc with strangers?

I am 100% one of the mothers that are being judged here. I don’t have to work, but I have chosen to because I love my job. I have worked in my current job for over a decade before I had my children, I own the company and I love it. If a man was in a similar situation would you expect him to give up everything he’s built? I could stay at home, but I’m choosing not to and both my DC’s go to a loving nursery. If you want to judge others, I would look inwardly first, as there must be a reason you feel the need to comment on how children, other than yours, are raised. My children are cared for, given endless attention and above all loved.

Well I had to go back to work when LOs were 10 months so what was I meant to do?

Remember lots of abuse cases are within families anyway so sending them to a secure setting like a nursery seems fine to me. Yes there are bad ones and good settings and you need to visit them/ do your research, but this level of anxiety seems maybe more to your past than a normal worry.

Or, to frame it differently, they chose keeping a roof over their childs head? I think my child being cared for in a professional, stimulating setting for a few days a week is definitely worth that.

Edited for punctuation.

We’re all a product of our environment. I was brought up by a single mum after my dad walked away from us and paid the bare minimum in maintenance. It’s made me extremely aware of how vulnerable it’s possible to make yourself if you rely on someone, even a DH who is your child’s biological father. Anything can happen, and there are plenty of threads on here from women who have to pick the pieces up as and when something goes wrong.

TBH, unless you are independently wealthy in your own right, I’d be wary of giving up work for a considerable period of time. But we all make our own choices.

Obviously @TigerBloomer is just being a goady one!!

Obviously irks her that children are the priority for all parents (apart from the tiny minority who are actually abusive shit parents- who are just as likely to be jobless as in work!) but that some of us raise wonderful human beings and manage to work too 😊

Bravo!!!!!!

What an extremely unhelpful, unrealistic and frankly deranged comment. Children also benefit from having a stable roof over the heads and food on the table.

Yup!

Yep same. There was a year or so where we weren't much above breaking even with both in childcare but still quite a bit better off. I was earning about 28k at the time.

Also LOL at living in your little house with one earner.

We both earn above average now and can only afford a 2.5 bed terraced house with no driveway. Couldn't afford on one salary. And we are lucky.

This

Exactly also they don't pay benefits to people who quit their jobs as it's done through choice

Your post is full of privilege. You could afford to stay home. Most can't. I can't afford to be off more than the 39 weeks. So I settled my baby into nursery at 8 months old. Very few can afford to live on one income. We bought a small 3 bed that needed lots of work doing. Mortgage still smaller than renting, but still can't afford on one salary.

@TigerBloomer With the amount we pay and my husband’s income, no we can’t. I have already checked. The only thing available will be the 15 hours from September and even then it’s too late now. We can’t afford to have another child, the increase in COL has just been too much for the finance we had planned when we had my son - mortgage increase, utility increase, cost of food. We don’t even have financed cars, god knows how some people get by

Perfect example of someone who is so insecure in their life choices that they need to validate themselves by criticising others.

Maybe get some help for that.

@TigerBloomer UC doesn’t pay towards mortgage payments. Maybe some don’t want to claim benefits when they can actually work

I think it’s a bit of both. I would have had zero desire to spend all day, every day with my kids for the 6 years between first being born and second going to school even if my job would be held that long to go back to and we could afford to live comfortably on just OH’s salary. We both loved having a day off with them when they were small and had it been affordable then 2 days each would have been really fun too but I also like my job and spending time with other adults focused on something that’s my own. I’m sure we could have survived if I’d given up work but in the mid-long term we’d be worse off as a family & I’d have really missed that part of my identity.

My DC were looked after by an ofsted registered childminder from 3 months and 6 months. I did my due diligence and was happy.

As a single parent can you explain how I had a choice to not work

I do hope that some of the posters on this thread never, ever turn up at the GPs or hospital and say "I'd prefer to see a female doctor please". Or want to see a nurse, midwife, health visitor, physio, occupational therapist, SALT or many other HCPs in an even vaguely appropriate time scale. Or want to send their children to school, get their child benefit paid on time, have their taxes deducted correctly. A very high proportion of public sector workers are women, many of whom are mothers. There's a high chance that at least some of the people attending to your needs any time you interact with the NHS, education, civil service and many other sectors are doing so whilst their own children are "being looked after by strangers". Are you sure you trust us terrible, selfish, career women to do that? Fancy a society that loses that workforce? Shall we go back to the days when many professions were more or less closed to women since we weren't worth training as we'd only have children and leave anyway?

I was a SAHM/WFH as I had them late and could afford to do so. I was unwilling to let them be with other adults without me - changing their nappies etc - no thank you. Vanessa George happened a few months before I had my first child, and that cemented my feelings.

Haaaa What a nasty judgemental post.

we don’t prefer the break. We need to secure our jobs; have proof of income for mortgages or car payments; use what money we do have left to put food on the table.

I wish I could afford to stay at home, mortgage on a small home in SE and bills will not allow. Once the majority of my wages is eaten up by childcare the remainder goes on paying the rest of the bills that my husband’s wage doesn’t cover. Was planning on staying at home until mortgage increased by £500 a month with the interest rise. Would it be best if I gave up work and then went into private rented accommodation until money ran out and then went on UC? I would love nothing more than to stay at home, I hate working. Don’t really understand those who define themselves by their careers but that’s up to them. I guess you could offer me the solution of selling my home and moving away from my elderly mother, family and friends to a cheaper area in a different part of the country but I’d rather not.

People don't leave their children with "strangers". They spend a lot of time carefully considering the best childcare options for their children, meeting staff and finding out about the ethos of the setting, reading the OFSTED reports to find out what kind of strengths and weaknesses it has, attending for settling in sessions and ensuring their child is comfortable there.

My child started nursery at 14 months and flourished there.