To ask if you couldn't imagine leaving your baby and then young dc with strangers?

You posted saying you couldn't imagine it. You followed up saying that many prefer working to parenting, but thank goodness not many. You posted saying that many that do prefer working won't admit it.

But now you're saying that's not what you meant?

You know what - lots of people don't have the luxury of being able to not work, so just hold back on the judgement. It doesn't mean they love their children less and your implication that they do is pretty cunty.

I definitely understand this feeling. Especially when they are babies. It feels wrong to me to leave small children with people who aren't family. (Although I understand why people need to - this isn't a judgement). Gets easier as they get older and think it also depends on the child. One of mine needs me more than the other.

“It’s a choice, just claim universal credit and stay at home with your kids”

Well since all you SAHMs are judging me, I would frankly rather curl up and die than voluntarily claim a state benefit paid for by other people, instead of going out to work.

Clearly I don't love my kids as much as you love yours OP. They went to nursery and were surrounded by kids, who were strangers btw, but luckily had some wonderful professional nursery staff to look after them. And like heck would I have wanted to home school them either. I put being able to afford to feed, clothe and house my children (in a little house) over being a SAHM. Not a drop of guilt. Clearly we are all terrible mothers.

If my DD didn't go to nursery 3 days a week, the alternative option was for her to stay at home in the house from 8am -5pm from 12 months onwards and fend for herself as there was no one else to look after her.

I decided this was not an option and left her in the care of professionals.

This is possibly one of the nastiest most judgemental posts I've ever read on MN.

That's quite a feat. congratulations@Confusionn

Argh! Dont know how extra words popped in there. But you get my drift. What a nasty way to describe another person's child

Hm yes I do agree that comment - “thank goodness” - is judgemental.

Overall though, in the many words and posts of the OP, I don’t think the messaging and tone is judgemental, more questioning.

How do you rationalise that the biggest abuse threat to children are family members / people they know?

@IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos I'm sure the OP's friends who used au pairs is that her son is mighty relieved that her son is judged by the OP to have 'turned out ok.' .....

I hate posts like this, some of us don’t have the option but to send them into childcare young!

Well yes quite @IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos many men aren't worth the time anyway! And what if you prefer women! And no one says you have to have children anyway..my point simply was echoing another posters, what do you tell your daughters? That their only worth is to bear children and be a stay at home parent? I don't think so. What parent truly wants a life of domestic drudgery whilst being financially dependent on another individual for their child?! None I know of...

OP one point that my mum mentioned to me is that when you are a sahm, or take time out and have a lower job as a result - your children all leaving home is devastating.

I've seen women like this fall apart when their children grow up and no longer need them. Equally, in my industry I've seen women of this age with kids throw themselves back into their career and achieve humongous success. The latter are much happier than the ex-sahms.

I'm not sure what the answer is - but I would caution against making your whole life your DCs either way, because it'll be harder for you if you have no career etc to turn to when they all leave home.

So you had one friend who preferred working? And that's meant you believe that all of us women who work instead of staying home prefer it but just won't admit it?

@Boysnme hear hear

Meh. My babies went to daycare when they were 4 months because that's the maternity policy where I live.

They weren't cared for by strangers, they were cared for by professionals who cherished my babies, and I still have a relationship with them 12 years on.

Then we had a helper who looked after the kids and the home for us. She also wasn't a stranger... 🧐

I also have a career which I enjoy and whilst we're high earners, we live on one of the most expensive islands on the planet.

My kids are 12 & 10 now and I never felt guilt about leaving them because that's what we needed to do. My babies were happy to go to daycare and it was easier when they were younger as there was no separation anxiety- they've always been adaptable and happy in new environments.

The "ideal" is where the kids are well cared for (by whomever) and the parents can afford to keep food on the table and a roof over their heads, wouldn't you say?

What if, god forbid, their DDs don't want a man, or to just pop out and care for a man's children??? Doesn't bear thinking about does it, it's all we're made for!

to confusionn
And you do sound it
I can assure you I earned plenty more than the nursery fees for my lot
HTH

This one too

I actually know people who prefer working to looking after dcs. Not many thank goodness.

Incredibly I am someone who prefers working to looking after DCs. I don't think it makes me a bad parent.

It is possible before 3. My child has been going since just before 2, they are almost 3 now and they have definitely enjoyed nursery and been able to say they like it and want to go back.