Golf holiday 6 weeks after new baby arrives

I have to be honest and say I think he is being very inconsiderate of you in all of this.
He is only thinking of his own needs, his own mental health - what about yours?!
How would he react if the shoe was on the other foot, and it was you going away for a week and he was left with a baby and a toddler?
Of course it's good to have some time to be yourself with friends but I don't see him facilitating the same for you. And he's not considerate of your birthday etc either?
He sounds quite self centred, not necessarily in a malicious way, but he just isn't considering you at all, I'm sorry.
I understand the trip was booked before you fell pregnant, but there should be more consideration. Ensuring you're happy for him to go, shortening the trip as a compromise, getting family to help with the 2 year old etc.
I'd be interested to know what he said if you told him you were going away for a week a couple of weeks later, he'd likely be gobsmacked and wonder how he would cope!

Do whatever you're comfortable with. By 6 weeks in, you'll be exhausted from the sleepless nights. How kind of your DP to offer to look after your 2yo and baby while you have a break and indulge in some fun activities with your friends.

If I were you, I'd give him a big hug and tell him how thoughtful he is to suggest that you'll be needing a well-deserved holiday by this point.

Maybe he can get his mum to come and stay with him to help?

Yes, exactly.
I was thinking these posters are blokes, that would make sense.

Im generally laid back about my husband going out/away but 6 weeks after i had given birth and had a toddler at home? Not a fucking chance.
All this bollocks about 'he didnt know when he booked', ok, but he knew 10 months before he was going on holiday, likely would have only paid a deposit and could have cancelled then.
What if you are 2 weeks late and need a c-section? Thats going to be amazing for you, him going away 4 weeks later.
He sounds like a dick. A week away by himself at any point before the kids are about 5 is fucking selfish, 3-4 nights, fine, but a week is too long. And yes, I know single mums do it all the time, bravo, but she isnt

Are you on glue?

Brokeback Mountain - the golfing version

I know! I can imagine these comments in a book from the 1950’s about how to please your husband!

ive put this up already but they dont change. Too set in their ways. Happened to a friend. They had 2 small kids and he still expected to golf etc at the weekends and go out drinking.

He was older and set in his ways. His friends children were all grown up. He didnt change. They divorced.
They have found other partners now. Children have grown up.

My reply to him would be ok when is my holiday ? You book a break away and he will see you are not being unreasonable

OP hasn't mentioned a husband. I hope she owns her own property and isn't dependent on this crap, disinterested boyfriend.
I expect what's stopping her from day trips is the lack of money and this man being a failure of a parent. He doesn't sound like a man striving to excel at parenting.

…or a working mum!!

I'm betting OP wouldn't ever be able to take a weeks holiday alone whilst he parents his own children.

I’d be interested to know what he would say if you told him you’ve booked a 4 day holiday the week after he returns. He’d probably give you a million excuses as to why he can’t look after a newborn and toddler on his own. Oh the hypocrisy

Your post screams DH who doesn’t respect his wife. He is married to golf and his mates, not you.

He needs to do these things for his “mental health”… he’s happy for you to get pregnant with his kids and look after them solo whilst he runs off with his child free friends.

Not being funny OP but you’re not really selling him as a catch. He makes no effort in your relationship but prioritises everyone else but you and the kids.

You do realise you don’t need lots of friends to go out either? What is stopping you going out once a week to the cinema or dinner on your own, or to go see family or have your nails done etc.

Sounds like he was like this with the first kid so doubt it’ll change for the second.

What time alone?? They have a toddler!

Exactly

Cue a million MN cool wives telling you you’re BU and that the man needs his hobbies/socialising for his mental health/he may have a mental breakdown if he doesn’t golf and it’s your fault you don’t have any friends.

then if you’re the one who needs a break or have MH difficulties, he gets to dump everything on you because it’s oh so difficult being a ‘carer’ (WTF) and it’s your fault that you don’t have friends, or maybe your parents are dead and can’t help and that’s your fault too, so let the poor man socialise in his teenage stupid lads holiday.

if you need help, you need help. Your relationship and his family should be his priority. @Kathleen995

I'm very easy going but I'd be fuming at this.

YANBU

Another guy who doesn’t see why his leisure time should be compromised by having a family. This selfish attitude of his does not bode well long term. You have no idea what state you will be in physically at 6 weeks. Start thinking about when you’re are going away for a week without him and the kids if you’re as petty as me. If you’re not, think about marriage counselling because if does sound like you need to work on your relationship. Best of luck and fingers crossed for an uncomplicated delivery!

Your boyfriend is pointless. He's meant to be enhancing your life and benefitting you. Do you own your own house or are you dependent on him? Without the legal protections of marriage this would be awful.

Just a heads up to all the people who say "get your mum to come & help", the OP's mum could be:

Dead
An alcoholic
In prison
Living in a different country
Have a full time job
Be a carer for elderly parents
Have their own DC to care for
Not want to spend a week caring for a newborn and toddler

All of which would render them unable, unsuitable or unwilling to come and help.

Why oh why is the default setting always to find the nearest woman to care for the kids when the child (in this situation) has two parents??

OP, your DP should have cancelled his holiday when he realised how close it was to your due date. He should also be putting more effort into his relationship with you than with his friends.

You and the kids should be his priority and you're clearly, very sadly not.

"doesn't feel he gets to spend anywhere near as much time as he would like to with friends/exercising/doing things for himself"

Boo hoo, did you get your tiny violin out?
Welcome to parenting!

Tell him when you get divorced he will have all week and EOW to do whatever he likes!

I think he should have cancelled when you realised how young your baby was going to be when he was meant to be away!

That's assuming baby comes on time too, you could be 2 weeks overdue and have a c section so not even able to drive when he's away, never mind the exhaustion and pain from giving birth.

Spending time with friends is a good thing but this clearly isn't the right time.

Do you have any family who could stay with you to help out?

A week away is absolutely ridiculous at that time. I think part of the problem is that none of his close friends have children so their lives are continuing unaffected.

Small children do make life different, there is less time and energy and money for the things you used to do. But assuming he made an active choice to be a father he should not be complaining. It's not forever. A golfing holiday with his buddies is not a necessity.

The holiday wouldn't bother me as it was booked before you were pregnant.

But his attitude and the fact that he doesn't prioritise you and your relationship is a big problem imo. He needs to realise he's not single and childfree like his mates - he has a family now and that has to come first, especially when his children are so small.