To feel upset me and DS have lost friends and it wasn't our fault

Seems like Mia is so desperate to be liked by the popular kids that she will do whatever it takes to accomplish this, including hurting former friends. This is not your son's fault and Mia and her mum were never really friends of yours. Sorry it happened. It feels awful, but there is nothing you can do about people changing their stripes like that.

I did have a similar incident but luckily the other parents were really reasonable. We had a quick chat about how upset our DC was and they had a word.

Unfortunately, some people cannot accept any criticism of their children.

It's normal for friendships to change over these ages but I would wonder if anything is going on at home considering the drastic change in the child's behaviour and the mothers unreasonable response.

@MollyButton

You also should have spoken to the class teacher much sooner. I would always talk to a class teacher before another parent.

Not if your friends with the mum. I've never gone straight to school as that would be the end of the friendship. It's better to try to sort it out between you.

It sounds awful 😢

One thing I learnt from my eldest daughter’s time at primary school was to not get too involved with her friends parents. We had similar where I actually witnessed kids being mean to my daughter at someone’s house so as I was friends with their mums I told them and they wouldn’t believe me. It turned very nasty. To the point now where my daughter is almost 18 and one of these girls and her mother still give us dirty looks if they see us! 🤯

It’s really hard but I would never get so close to a school friends parent again.

@minerva7
Yep, shrieked AI to me when I read it.

This is tough. You’ve done nothing wrong, but you’ve seen a side of your friend you didn’t know existed. Her child is behaving like a bully and she isn’t willing to deal with it. If that’s her attitude it was always going to come crashing down one day, but it’s so sad for you to bear the brunt of it.

Just be honest with your son. Talk about bullying, the reasons people do it and why it’s wrong. Explain he didn’t cause it or deserve it, and it’s not in his control. Help him to branch out into new friendship groups and find his feet with other kids. It’s a really hard lesson and the best thing for him is lots of reassurance that it’s not his fault, and he couldn’t have prevented it.

Yes, there was a temporary blip in boy/girl friendships at 8/9/10, when at DS’s school, the sexes diverged socially, but they all seem to have come back together again in the final primary year.

@WiseOwl24 I think your son has had a lucky escape from this potential bully. as she gets older, she will realise that you cannot treat other people like that, and if she doesnt realise then she will end up with no friends at all!

And yes, the adult friendship was an add-on, not a genuine one from the sounds of it. Sorry to hear that. Some people are mercurial.

Teaching Years 5/6 for many years, you see this many times.
Often at the Leavers' Assembly they show photos of the kids since Reception, and it's very common to see photos of children hugging in Reception/Yr 1 and then their bemused looks and 'Oh yeah, I used to be friends with ......' and it's two children who are totally different who've I've never seen speak to one another.
Boy-girl friendships are rare at that age, and the tale you tell is as old as time.

The friendship has come to a natural end. Not all friendships are forever, especially at this age. I'm sorry it happened in such a nasty way for your son. Tell him the truth and let it go. Encourage other friendships.

Your friendship with the mum hasn't survived this. I have a wonderful friendship with a mum friend when our kids don't talk to each other anymore. But we had a separate friendship that didn't involve the kids, even though that's how we met

She wasn't nice enough and that's what changed it. Not your fault but that's life.
Things go wrong and it's about them not you.
I'm sure .lots of us have been in similar situations at one time or a other. Things happen.
Dosent sound like your missing out on much. Make new friends. They have and will.

It's never a good idea to encourage intense 'bestie' relationships with young children. Far better for them to have a wide range of friends, some school, some family friends and some hobby/sport related. Tell your son it's sad that Mia has chosen to behave like this and then encourage his other friendships. Once he's at secondary school, he'll have the opportunity to make lots of new friends. Encourage him to not put all his eggs in one basket. In my experience, these intense close friendships nearly always end badly!

She is not the friend you thought she was , you've had a lucky escape . Similar happened to us but not as long as 5 years , it upset me for a long time but now I feel glad to be out of that friendship. Onwards and upwards, it is their loss

You called your good friend's daughter a bully. Sorry OP but that was never going to go down well even though it is the truth.

Your poor DS, this is very common but still awful. Girls mature far quicker than boys and this girl is obviously ready to move on to the next phase of her life (tweens). I’d explain to your son and say that she hasn’t handled this very well at all and even though he feels upset and his feelings are completely valid, this is about her and not him. Tell him that sometimes people act in ways we don’t understand. I’d suggest that your friendship with this mum is now over as she probably doesn’t know what to do so has lashed out at you and your DS and is now avoiding you. So sorry OP it’s really tough to deal with this complete bewilderment.

Horrible for your son, but I wonder if the friendship was a little stifling for Mia, especially as you and her mum were best friends too. That's a lot of weight loaded on a childhood friendship.

And at the age of 10, girls especially can change pretty fast. I know I did. I didn't want to hang around with kids I thought were childish.

Mia reacted badly because she doesn't have the social skills to extricate herself from the friendship in a way that's kind to your son. Her mother reacted badly too. Unfortunately your son is the one who is hurt, and that sucks.

Does this read like AI to anyone else? The exaggerated descriptions and duplicate use of words/sayings.

If I am wrong I wholeheartedly apologise op it just reads very strange.

DD had a friendship issue with a boy at about the same age. They'd always been quite close friends, perhaps drifting a little at that stage. Then a change of seating plan put them next to each other, and he started being really mean to her. Our guess is that one of the other boys made some comment about "sitting with your girlfriend", and so he was doing everything he could to make it clear to them that she was not his girlfriend. DD was able to understand that as a reason, although she still needed it to stop. Fortunately, in our case, a quiet word with mum provoked an apology and a cessation, and they were both able to move on, but no longer friends. A couple of years later they were part of the same friendship group again, once mixed groups became okay again.

It might help your son to understand that at this age there sometimes is pressure not to have the boy-girl friendships, and that might be the cause. It's a pity it's been so acrimonious, though, and that you've lost the parent friendship too.

It's of course a shame. My daughter has lost a couple of lifelong friends like that. One day said that no, I don't actually want to play with S, she's mean to me. Of course we discuss what happened and all, but I think it's healthy for them to learn that you don't actually have to be friends with children who don't treat you well.

Sad but you can only steer clear of Mia for now.

Possibly once her hormones have settled, in ten years, she might feel terrible that she behaved like such a brat.

If it is any consolation, there is a good chance that Mia will eventually look back at this period with regret.

It's sad when a friendship comes to an end but it sounds like you could both do better. Your son sounds like a nice child and Mia is growing up to be a nasty little bully.

it is a shame you spoke to Mia's mum rather than directly to the school.
it is done now.
new friends will be found
try and build bridges with the mum though

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad, but I'd say you're both better off finding out what type of " friends" Mia and her mum are and better off without them.

As a teacher I really picked up on your description of how the school handled the situation. The fact that they came down on Mia like a tonne of bricks rather than mediating in a conversation between the two definitely tells me that the school have seen Mia's behaviour before and are well aware of what she is capable of.

Also, the mother's reaction after 5 years of friendship to be almost aggressively defensive and uninterested in any type of restoration suggests that she is also having her problems with Mia.

All in all, like I said, better off out of it.

Going forward he'll absolutely find more friendship groups and he'll be fine.