Everyone says not to compare myself - but I can’t help it

Have you tried comparing your life and everything you have with those less fortunate? Just the same as there will always be people who have more in life there are probably a lot more people who have less.

It's hard not to feel envious I totally get it and have it myself sometimes but then I think about how lucky I actually am to have a little house with a mortgage, a partner and child, an alright job which I don't hate, food on the table. It could be a lot worse :)

I think Catza hit the nail on the head. You have to figure out what is actually important to you otherwise comparing and feeling dissatisfied will plague you. Once you figure out your own needs and values and what makes you feel happy things will be a lot easier.

But ultimately if you want weddings, holidays to Bali and your own house, you'll need to find a way to boost your earnings. Can you take on more hours, retrain or push for promotion?

Absolutely. You are only 27. If you want those things then get them.

You are seeing a handful of people on sm who appear to be more financially secure than you.

But how many people did you go to school with? How many of them are not posting their successes on sm? Because some will be just like you and some will be doing worse.

But ultimately if you want weddings, holidays to Bali and your own house, you'll need to find a way to boost your earnings. Can you take on more hours, retrain or push for promotion?

Anyone can fall into this trap of comparing to others.

There are probably people in your year at school who see you happy with your partner, both got jobs, living together, who are lonely/can't get a boyfriend/hate their job/live with parents they don't get on with, etc etc.

As another PP has said, ownership isn't everything. I know someone who bought their own house at 27 (alone) and it's just been really stressful. House always needs expensive work doing that they can't afford!

Well, realistically, you’re either going to have to think hard about retraining to boost your earnings, or get more disciplined about training yourself not to make comparisons. Or, I suppose, build a life with someone who earns more/inherited family money…?

(Also, it costs literally nothing to get engaged. It just involves a commitment to getting married. Bali is optional. Parties are optional. If you think a ring is necessary, there are inexpensive ones. .)

I’m seeing people younger than me that I knew from school etc, they’re doing all this stuff.

Are you seeing them on social media? The most unrealistic representation of actual life ever?

Yes, people have more or less money than each other. Sometimes based on their choices. How hard they worked whilst in education, how ambitious they are. My own husband is from extreme poverty in a South American country. He decided to change his circumstances and went to university, working menial jobs to do so and worked his way up from payroll clerk to finance director by being ridiculously hardworking. He's moved all over the world to pursue his career. Nothing he has accomplished is down to luck.

Other people have good circumstances, myself included. I went to private school and a good university and got a decent degree and job without having to half kill myself like my dh did.

The richest person I know personally has a takeaway. It's open six days a week but he works seven days. Easily over twelve hours a day on the days it's open. He's got plenty of money but so would I if I worked that hard.

Bali is the Spain of Australia if that makes you feel any better.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

But that’s easy to say when the reality is difficult.

Yes, an extravagant engagement and buying a house a really lovely, but being happy with a partner you love is the important bit. A well-paid job is fabulous, but having a rewarding one means more.

when I compare myself to others, here is how I try to frame it:

There will always be others who are richer / prettier / more successful than you and I will always be richer / prettier / more successful than others.

Everyone has problems - even if you can’t see them in their instagram posts you don’t know what they’ve been through - poor mental health, eating disorders, bereavements, abuse, absent parents etc. You just don’t know what goes on behind clothes doors.

Doesn't even have to be family money. Many factors in play.
Location, salary, personal priorities are imho the biggest ones

So you want more people to tell you to stop comparing yourself to others? And then ignore them too?

Two words: FAMILY. MONEY.

I bought a flat when I was 25 and I wish I haven’t. I was too young to tie myself to a mortgage and it was a constant money pit with repairs, improvements and all the joys that come with property ownership. I missed out on a lot of opportunities because I had big financial commitments. I would have loved to live abroad, travel more, do another uni degree… none of it was possible because I had to make sure to keep up with mortgage payments. It was easier to rent. I could give my notice any day and bugger off to Bali for 6 months…
There are pros and cons to everything.
And as far as engagement party, to each their own but I could never personally justify blowing so much money on a piss up. My personal values just never aligned with the lifestyle you long for. I am a free spirit and would rather spend 10k doing an art residency in Japan than on a big wedding. So it maybe worth thinking about what is it that actually matters to you, what your passion is. You may surprise yourself.