Kirstie Allsop's 15 Year Old Son

I come across people, they're nearly always men, in the circs that @Tiredalwaystired mentions. They may not have a diagnosis but a lot of them are clearly at least borderline SEN and that's why they've never flown the nest.

This!

I would add to my post above, however, that while I suspect I would personally find 16 too young for that sort of trip, I do find SS stepping in a bit confusing when young people are actually able to leave home altogether at 16.

That is a worrying case.

In all honesty though, as he is now 55 his mum has had quite a few decades of opportunity to “let him fly.” It’s a rather different case from parents being cautious about teens.

I have to say, I have thought long and hard and can’t think of anyone I know in this sort of situation. I know one lady who lived with her parents until her late 20’s/ early 30’s but that was purely financial as she has a career that required quite a few years of expensive study. In terms of home admin/financials, I think she probably took the lead with it. I remember a discussion about her wanting them to switch insurance policies. I can think of one or two who get financial assistance from parents ( one case grandparents want to send Dc to independent schools, the other her DH lost his job which had been high-paying so they had some help at first to maintain their home/Dc schooling etc. But she had been fully independent before that juncture and since). I’m not counting family wealth type situations generally because that’s an estate planning thing, not lack of independence.
Other than that, I genuinely can’t think of anyone who I think has been wrapped in cotton wool to the point it has affected them decades on.
Tragically, I know of several cases where teens were just given too much rope too soon. I also know some older people who were forced by circumstances to stand in their own feet very early and if I’m one hundred percent honest the only lasting impact I see is a bit of a chip on their shoulder about it. So it’s about balance isn’t it, and knowing your own teen and hopefully getting it right. I think it’s not healthy when people act as though the teens who are ready sooner have somehow more effective parents. That only creates a pressure for parents to yield too much, too soon. I can’t comment on Kirsty’s son (though he is obviously back in one piece). For me, though, I would not have seen it as smothering parenting to say you can’t wait until age of majority.

True. But it should be a cautionary tale for anyone over parenting.

They worry about the risks around letting their children go but are they considering the risks of keeping them too close? Very very doubtful.

Hence why PP said 'occasionally do people not become so", your cousin clearly being the occassion. You hard disagree yet only site your cousin as 1 example. Most likely you know of no others futher proving PP point.

Yes to all of this!!

Hard disagree on this. My cousin is 55. He has no diagnosis of anything.

He lives with his elderly mother. She is in charge of all the fiancés, the cooking and the home management. His father left when he was small.

He doesn’t travel beyond the local bus routes as it is out of his comfort zone. He never had a sleepover as a child. He had a minimum wage job which he lost a few months ago and hasn’t been able to get anything since.

My entire family is aghast and so worried about what will happen to him when he goes. My uncle (her brother) has had many blazing rows with my aunt about this (my own father, her brother is dead, before anyone asks why he isn’t involved too). She won’t listen and believes she is doing her best by him

This is what happens when you are over protective.

Let. your. Children. fly.

But you get some that have learned coping skills much better than others And grown adults who have gone from relying on parents to relying on spouses

If they are never exposed that’s true. But let’s be honest, most adults are independent unless they have some particular disability or diagnosis. Only occasionally do people not become so.

The point is that kids will never learn independence and resilience if they are over protected and cuddled no matter what age they are

I'd like to know if the family of the other boy were reported to SS as well ? Probably not as they're not famous. SS quite happy leaving my friends grandson living with his father in squalor, in one room because an XL Bully lives downstairs and yet isn't happy a 15 year old independent lad goes inter railing with his parents permission. They're also happy putting 16 year old care leavers into their own accommodation with no life skills to sink or swim. Appalling.

To which I would add the sickliest child in one of my dcs classes got that cold complication as a newborn and was in icu. Her mum always says this is why she is compromised now - so the whole expose them to build immunity doesn’t really work. It’s about the right time, not the earliest opportunity imo.

I never really understand these arguments. It’s the same as the expose the newborn to the flu so they don’t get it when they are three. We all tend to grow in maturity as time goes on. Yes some are more mature sooner; but there’s always a point at which you have to take the “ exposure hit” and of course there’s no point waiting till you are 65. But I genuinely don’t agree that being pushed into independence at 14 means you are more independent at 35 than someone who was eased into independence.

I was completely let to roam free as a teenager, went to a festival at the tender age of 14 albeit with a slightly older sibling. Pre mobile phones, the only way our parents knew we were ok was by us coming home after a few days. It was one of the best weekends of my life!

However that was a far cry from 3 weeks travelling in different countries. I'm sure I would have loved the adventure but there are ways to give your child freedom without completely letting loose.

I think, festival trip - yes, interrailing no. It just seems a bit much?

' bint' is a revolting, racist, misogynist term and you really come across extremely badly jsyk. Fulfilling all those stereotypes of the unpleasnt rich person.

Oh, and finanicially quite comfy here, thanks. Just not a jerk.

What?! Nothing about the post you responded to has any of that about it.

Way, way over defensive. Is it very important to you that people must be envious of you? Might want to consider therapy.

There's an element of luck if you happen to be 20 rather that 14/15 as well. A streetwise 15 year old is probably in less danger than a 20 year old who has been wrapped in cotton wool with helicopter parents

Well you got away with it. But what if you hadn’t? There’s an element of luck separating two outcomes.

Completely up to Kirstie and her partner.

My 9 year old has been interrailing twice and can navigate a foreign public transport system and already has basic french to get by. I imagine Kirsty has exposed her children to similar cultural experiences and therefore her son is competent and confident to stretch his wings.

There are a number of kids I know who are a similar age who have never had a sleepover, never been to a city and are more confident birthing a lamb.

Each to their own. Leave Kirstie alone.

Completely up to Kirstie and her partner.

My 9 year old has been interrailing twice and can navigate a foreign public transport system and already has basic french to get by. I imagine Kirsty has exposed her children to similar cultural experiences and therefore her son is competent and confident to stretch his wings.

There are a number of kids I know who are a similar age who have never had a sleepover, never been to a city and are more confident birthing a lamb.

Each to their own. Leave Kirstie alone.

Really?

What would the actual safeguarding issue be?

Left without food, fuel, no way of contacting someone in emergencies, no one hearing or seeing the child for the full 3 weeks?

Yes

But with food, emergency contacts, being with someone else (as the boy was with a friend/probably staying with family) - how would this be a safeguarding issue?

Problem is, most posters on this site do not know what 'safeguarding issues' actually are. Hence people post nonsense like this.

To be fair, I think there was plenty of abuse going on in the other direction too. Didn’t JKR suffer awful death threats?

I suspect that they had all of their travel routes booked in advanced and stayed with family and friends and were in regular contact with their parents by WhatsApp but that is pure speculation on my part!

I don’t imagine for a moment that there was any neglect or extreme risk involved. Plus KA’s sons would be used to ski trips, school trips and travelling around Europe on holidays.

But SS have been put in the spotlight and they have to be seen to be carrying out their job professionally, or else they will be accused of favouring the rich and famous.

And from their perspective, to be fair, they probably come across neglect at every level of society.

This was instigated by the cult around JK Rowling
Allsopp tweeted in support of trans rights some time ago and Rowling retweeted it with some criticisms. Allsopp noticed that Rowlings followers were very abusive and piled into her profile causing her to shut it down for a week.
This had been going on for a while.