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18 year old is pushing me to the limit with rudeness

132 replies

Myhouseisnotahotel · 19/08/2024 23:38

I have name changed. My ds1 is 18 and was offered a university place. He has decided to defer his place and take a year out. He spends all day in bed and either games all night until the early hours or goes.out. He has a pair time job. I work different hours so I might be at home during the week and work weekends. Some days I work at home aswell. This week I'm off work. My.husband works nights. When we cook dinner for the family he doesn't come down for it until he decides he will. Yesterday he didn' have any of his dinner dh chucked it in the bin untouched. Today we decided as im off and dh was.stsrting at.430 we'd have.dinner at lunchtime. I called him down for dinner to be ignored over.and over. So I put.it in the fridge. Mr and ds2 went school shoes shopping this afternoon. At 9pm I found ds1 in the kitchen cooking loads of.pasta..I.said what about the dinner in the fridge no he said I don't want that you have it. But it was.nice.i said. Well you said yesterday's dinner was nice but it was disgusting so your opinion doesn't count. Today's dinner got binned aswell. I wouldn't mind but when I don't cook for him he says where's.my dinner why haven't you cooked.for me but obviously that's why!

This is how he has lived.since he's left school apart from doing a couple of shifts a week. He's so rude. His bedroom is strewn with takeaway packages. Even when we went away on holiday he drank all night and slept past lunch every day He came on holidaywith no.money and constantly asking us for money. Atleast if he was going away to university it'll be over soon but now he's not going to do that now.he says. I just feel so stressed thinking that he's going to live like this with no end. Am.i being unreasonable to want things to change?

OP posts:
Myhouseisnotahotel · 20/08/2024 00:17

Whe I try to talk to him usually when he's in bed as like today he didn't get up until gone 3pm, he is so rude. Today he just kept saying shutup and go away

OP posts:
FoxtrotOscarKindaDay · 19/08/2024 23:49

Dotto · 19/08/2024 23:44

I was told if I wanted a gap year I wasn't doing it under her roof, through no fault of my own. I wouldn't have dared show my ass like the way your son has. Time for him to grow up, or go away.

I took my gap year to move out, it was the only chance I had to save money. My mother would have taken everything from me if I hadn't.

ImAFemaleVersionOfRoyKeane · 19/08/2024 23:47

Tell him that you were expecting him to go off to uni. As he hasn't, and he's 18, you are now setting ground rules if he wants to stay in the house.

Think about what you want those to be and stick to them!!!!

FoxtrotOscarKindaDay · 19/08/2024 23:46

18 years old is an adult, if he wants to treat you with such disrespect suggest he finds his own place to live. (Yes I know that's unreasonable but so is throwing out food every day)

Or he can start acting like a respectful person. Stop doing his laundry or cooking for him. Tell him he can prepare his own meals but he also needs to buy his own food. If he chooses to live on takeaways and live in a pigsty, let him.
Assuming he isn't paying rent or contributing to bills.
Restrict WiFi usage. Kick his devices off from 11pm to 7am.

Set boundaries and demand he respects you in your house.

GoldOnyx · 19/08/2024 23:45

Gosh this sounds really tough, OP. I know this is much easier said than done, but what do you and your DH think about having a chat with your son and giving him an ultimatum? To do this, have a think about which rules are most important to you, tell your son these are non negotiable, and if he cannot follow them, he needs to find his own place? I realise that is so much easier said than done, but just a suggestion. I hope things get better for you soon.

Dotto · 19/08/2024 23:44

I was told if I wanted a gap year I wasn't doing it under her roof, through no fault of my own. I wouldn't have dared show my ass like the way your son has. Time for him to grow up, or go away.

Thatcat · 19/08/2024 23:44

my advice OP:

  • Stop making his meals. Just stop doing it.
  • Ask him what his plans are for the year - lazing around doing F all is not an option.
  • Tell him to get a job with more hours
  • Collect a household contribution from him monthly and secretly put it aside for his uni next year.
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