To feel annoyed when he tries to compare my achievements with himself?

Yeah. When he says he's a Professor of Law you can tell everyone about the time you did a debate in sixth form about banning smoking or something!
Him writing a story when he was 16 and using that as a comparison to your career is just as ridiculous. I wouldn't seethe. I would pull him up on it, and say what you have gere- that it feels as if he is undermining your achievements.

Congratulations on your offer!

On the hobby thing, I don't write full time. I have a job too. Yet I have nearly 30 novels out there, have won five major awards and sell a bucketload of books every year. I get fan mail!

I can't write full time as I'm single and have bills to pay. Royalties can be variable, but bills aren't!

We've all had the 'hobby' remark, just wait until the money rolls in, that tends to concentrate their minds.

He's insecure. Wanting to be the important one in the marriage, the most interesting one. And he's slightly panicking that you're going to be very successful and will leave him, so he's being extra nice with the things that are within his control... Making you lunch, probably telling others how proud he is.

My marriage ended partly because of this. I think you need to sit down and be honest in order to give your relationship the best chance.

Margaret Atwood tells a lovely story of meeting a heart doctor at a party. he said, 'Oh when I retire I am planning to write a novel.' So she replied, 'Great. When I retire I am planning to do a little open heart surgery.'

People have no idea.

Absolutely none of this is relevant. Nobody is saying he’s a terrible person. He might be absolutely lovely in all other ways. This particular thing is upsetting you, so ask him to stop.

Why is this presenting you with such difficulty?

I know that’s what you did. I’m asking why you haven’t said ‘I do not like it when you do X, please stop.’ Clear, direct communication.

It wouldn’t even matter if it wasn’t a significant issue. Your partner is doing something you don’t like, so tell them and ask them to stop.

Wrong thread

My sisters DH is the exact same.

Every minor success someone has, he's had one the same or better.

There's never just a "well done! That's fantastic!"

It's always, "That's good. When I did that, I..."

I find it utterly infuriating.

I've just bought a new house, and really love it. His response was "Oh, I wouldn't want a driveway that shape." Seriously? Fuck off.

You're not alone OP!

Does your DH consider that everyone who works part-time is only 'doing a hobby?' I think a whole range of professionals might beg to differ, from GPs to teachers, to civil servants to, well just anyone if the government's latest idea goes through. Even people conducting research don't necessarily do it full time.

He sounds like a total dick.

So, tell him you don’t like it and ask him to stop. Communicate with your partner. Like most of us have been saying from the beginning of this thread. Why are you so reluctant to do this?

I'd be tempted to say "yes but, just for the moment, we're talking about me".

What would happen if you ribbed him about this, e.g. next time he mentions his fiction say ‘teenage attempts at a book don’t count’?

He might be an academic, even a very good one, but there are still better ones. He’d do well to remember that.

Some people with autism will always relate someone's experience with their own, to show that they understand. It isn't them trying to one-up and they don't know how irritating it is.

OP might just be waiting until she receives an offer for her manuscript before she says anything to him. As it stands at present, until she gets that offer then she's still an unpublished author and he can dismiss her as such. There are thousands of people who write books and are never published, so waiting for an offer would be the best way forward.

This is one of those frustrating threads where it seems the OP will never dare to speak the truth to her irritating partner.

@PrueHal you’re an intelligent adult, so talk to him about it. Honestly and in a measured way.

Why do you go along with it? I would just ask him (innocently) if that's what happened at his ook launch?

Or when he says he could "only have enought time when he retires", that he could have the time if he made it. I am sure you did not quit your job to write. You did it as a hobby and turned it into professional success.

Didn't realised you have a published novel. You said in your first post you had some short stories published and a novel out for submission.

He hasn't an ounce of genuine generosity towards you, to be spouting that shit about himself at 15 Years. Him telling you that he will return to it in retirement is a further put down.
This is a very good point. It is reducing your life‘s work to a hobby. Something you do in your spare time. Not worthy of calling it an actual career.

OP, you are so far invested and in denial about his character it's actually a bit funny.
He's a boring tedious pain in the ass, a full of himself twat.
You have clearly been massively in awe of him for years.
He has a huge opinion of himself and you have supported that....him being the oh so brilliant man🙄.

The truth is, his is a very fragile little ego and he has NEVER felt an ounce of generosity towards you in your success.

How superior he must feel to you that you have tolerated him comparing his 15 year old written ramblings to an adult woman's published work.

If it wasn't so preposterous it would be funny.
You have allowed yourself to be diminished by him professionally which clearly means you have huge self esteem issues.
Because allowing him to repeatedly assert such utter rubbish again and again over the years, until you are seething means you have zero self respect or value for yourself.

Hos could you and have allowed him spout such rubbish unchallenged?
Your relationship is a success on his terms and you know it.
He is only lovely when his is the only star that shines.
He hasn't an ounce of genuine generosity towards you, to be spouting that shit about himself at 15 Years.
Him telling you that he will return to it in retirement is a further put down.

Do yourself a favour and get therapy.
Do the www.freedomprogramme.co.uk which will hopefully help build your self esteem and boundaries.

You are with him since you were 21?
Oh oh......is he much older than you?

Teacher/ pupil dynamics that his fragile ego cannot cope with morphing into an equal adult relationship?

There is a type of academic who always ends up in a relationship with an in awe of them pupil...is that you?

Time to grow up and value yourself and dump this fragile ego.
Your gut is screaming at you to listen to it.
You deserve better.

Fight fire with fire. Everytime he brings up teaching be like "AH yes I know exactly what you mean from my time teach friend to drive/showing sibling how to lay carpet/talking sibling through a recipe/etc/etc"
NTA