To be sad about never having grandkids

I think anyone who has experienced the love of a parent for their child might want their own children to experience it. And little children are very lovely (especially if you can hand them back) but I wouldn't be devastated not to have grandchildren. There's lots of other fun to be had. I have thought about reading with primary school children at some point (too busy at the moment). The main thing is not to breathe a word of how you feel to your children.

My mil didn’t think she would have any - I met her son and we have three kids. you just never know!

Yes this. It’s ok to be sad, but not ok to mention to them.

It's not unreasonable. Don't guilt trip your kids about it.

I think its OK to feel sad and recognise it (but not to push onto your children).

It's not likely my children will have children (disabilities) and I will be dead in a few years at the longest (terminal medical crap condition that will not behave).

If I think about it, sometimes I want to cry. But there's fuck all I can do about it. So try to enjoy what we have.

This!

Honestly if my child decides to not be a parent out of choice I'd be happy for them. Having kids is tough and you can have a brilliant life without them. If your child wants to be a parent but can't because of infertility or some other reason then of course you'd feel sad.

Grandkids sorry

The only friends i have desperate for grandkids worked full time when their kids were young and they missed loads. So they want kid's to have a second chance of it all. Is that something you feel op?

Yeah this is plain weird.

I don’t really care either way if DC have children. I am already worried enough about the shit lives they will have as a result of ageing demographic, environment and housing crisis. I can’t see things suddenly improving for GC.

If DC were experiencing infertility and we’re upset, then yes, that would make me very sad. Aside from that, no difference to me.

Is it sad? I’m trying to think why it’s sad.

I mean why is it expected or a given that every adult human will have or want children.

How does or would not having a grandchild genuinely affect my life.. no babysitting, no worry of my daughter in labour, no extra costs for grandchildren, no being the favourite or not granny. Not having possibly sons or daughter lumbered with deadbeat/useless baby mummy/daddies.

Unless you mean sad about your bloodline dying out or such.

With respect, you had your turn and made your own choices, it's not about you now. Any adult dcs have the right to make whatever decision is best for them without the weight of your expectations or disappointment. You'd be grossly unfair to put this onto them. Take up a hobby!

I can't understand anyone who says they will be "heartbroken"?! Really?

There are a lot more things in life to be "heartbroken" about. 🤨

I can relate to this (I'm also struggling with fertility) - however - it's important to remember they have already had their children and raised them, an opportunity you haven't had yet. It's much sadder for you than it is for them. It's also not your fault, so do not feel guilty about it xx

why sad ?

Having GC can cause lots of issues in your life.

Well, do your children want their own children?

If they're struggling with infertility then YANBU to be sad about that - because it will be a big sadness in their lives too.

If they don't want kids and are living their best lives lives without them, then YABU and need to accept that they are happy without kids.

As someone who is struggling with infertility, I feel sad for my parents everyday. They are the ones who remind me to put myself first, everything is secondary.

One of mine may. One definitely won't. I'm really not bothered at all.

I don't know what your situation is OP, but have you ever considered doing something like childminding/volunteering with early years? :) I came from a family where both my working parents where older - and all grandparents had sadly passed on - I never met any of my biological grandparents.
But I grew up with a fantastic childminder during childhood and I kept a very strong bond with them growing up! They were so important in my life and development. I attended her funeral last year sadly, but couldn't believe how many happy memories came up with her.
I remember dearly my 'Aunty Gwen' - who had never been able to have any kids of her own. But gave all of her childminding kids the same attention, fun and games she definitely would have given her own.

It's not unreasonable to feel sad. I'd feel very sad if my kids wanted kids and couldn't have them for some reason or another but it's not as sad if they are actively choosing not to have them.

I don't think any of my four adult kids will have kids. They all have fantastic partners and good jobs etc so they could have kids if they wanted but they don't. They don't want the responsibility and they simply arent into kids. I respect their decisions. I think there are lots of pluses to choosing not to have kids. I know one or more of them may change their minds but I'm happy either way.

Not unreasonable to feel sad about it. It’s normal to feel sad about not getting something that would be meaningful and joyful for you.

You would be unreasonable to indicate to your children that you are sad. Nobody owes their parents grandchildren, and it would be unfair to make them feel guilty about a decision they are entitled to make (if indeed it was a choice for them, and not something they are unable to do).

This is a personal grief you will have to work through on your own. I hope you are able to find peace with it.

If it’s something you’re very sad about, are there opportunities to deepen other family relationships? A colleague of mine has an excellent relationship with her niece and has a very close relationship with her great-nephews who she takes care of a day a week and spends time with at weekends.

Both my children live abroad. They don't want children. I have 8 step grandchildren but I will never have a biological one. I feel your pain. It's utterly heartbreaking x

You are entitled to feel however you feel.

Obviously it wouldn't be reasonable to express it to your dc though.

Could you find any other ways to fill the need you feel? Volunteer in a primary school, maybe? Is it and urge to nurture kids you're feeling?

I have no idea if my children (early 20s) will have children and honestly I don't mind either way. With the world as it, in some ways it would be quite a relief if they didn't (fewer people to worry about) and with our working hours I don't know how much we could help them even if we wanted to.

Try not to be sad - there's definitely much more to life than grandchildren in my view.