To be sad about never having grandkids

I'll be gutted if I don't get to be a granny! Obviously I won't air my disappointment but I'd like some cute kid time before I depart this planet and it ain't coming from DS any more.

My two eldest are adamant that they won't have children. I do feel sad at that prospect. I always dreamed of being the head of a family of children, their partners, their children when I got old. I always loved our family get togethers as a child and always longed to have the family my nan did, to preside over. I still love the idea of being a nan to do all the stuff I was too busy to do when mine were little, to be a proper nan who can indulge them like my mum could with mine.

Climate change? There are many other things that others might include, like housing crises, difficulties finding jobs, how AI may affect us in future… but climate change is probably the biggest as it’s already affecting all of us to a degree, and it will make things more unpredictable and unstable as it progresses.

I hear you!
But I don't let anyone guilt trip me.

I’d beware of projecting too many of your own feelings onto your children, even in private - presumably they know their own minds and don’t feel the same as you do about having children.
It also feels a bit disrespectful to assume the reasons behind their choice or how they will feel later - I’ve seen many comments online from people in their old age saying they never regretted not having children, so “regret” isn’t a given for your children, either.

For what it’s worth, I certainly don’t feel I’m missing out myself by being child free in my 40s. I also find life hard enough sometimes just looking after myself, never mind anyone else.

It is okay to be sad but I would be sadder for my children if they wanted to have children and couldn’t.

I think your feelings are understandable op.

Your feelings are perfectly normal and not unreasonable.
It's only unreasonable if someone makes their kids feel bad for not having kids or lets them know they are sad about it.

I don't understand posters who don't understand why someone would be sad about this. I say that as someone who is never having kids.

This .

It's pretty damn offensive to suggest someone is missing out, having chosen to not have children.

I don't feel for a second I'm missing out on anything, especially seeing my friends with small children.

Why are they missing out if it's something they didn't want?

“Many of us look at the state of the world and have decided not to bring children into it” — when people say this (there’s quite a lot of it on this thread), what do you mean? The idea seems to be quite common atm, but I never understand what’s supposed to be so bad about the present day (or why one would express such a personal matter in macro terms).

I understand this completely. Having children in the family is lovely. And I too have this irrational vertigo about being the last person in my line, since the very first single celled organism first split into two, to add to the line. It's not about blood, either. Adopting would be the same to me as what you give of yourself into the next generation is far more about love and how you raise them.

I have loved my years as a mum. I only had one child because the relationship with DP turned sour after our one and I didn't want to bring a new baby into that. I often think that I will live to regret that decision. A lovely grandchild in 30 years time would be another opportunity to form a wonderful relationship with a child in my family. But of course if my one DC chooses not to, I'd be happy for them that they're making a decision that's right for them.

Precisely!! I don’t have children, have no desire to have them and have an amazing and utterly fulfilling life.

@Jjiillkkf or maybe accept that they want different things to you and that they are happy not having children and will continue to be. Children don’t equal fulfilment in life!!

There are plenty of other ways to live a fulfilled life.
I am sick of people implying that people who choose not to have children (or can’t have children) are not living a fulfilled life.
It seriously grates.

It depends if your children are male or female.

I believe 50% of women over 30 in the UK are childless.

42 is leaving it a little late but not too late...

A neighbour has 3 children and thought they were going to be grandchild-less. Two of their children lived career focused lives where having kids would not be convenient, and the youngest son blamed his wife for being too old (!). They split up and ex-wife had a one night stand and got pregnant - turns out it was him firing blanks! Anyway, he re-married to someone who had zero egg quality, but their first child was born to them when they were both 46! Donor egg and sperm.

I hear you, OP. Never saying never, but I would be extremely surprised if I ended up with any grandchildren. While it doesn't bother me in the slightest at the moment (I'm only late 50s), I think I might feel a pang when I get a bit older and my siblings/ friends have another generation in their families.

I'd never let on to my DSs though. And at least I'm not required to be an unpaid babysitter!

Neither of mine are having children, I’m at peace with their decision.

Of course, on occasion I have pangs of wondering what it would have been like, I think I would have been a good very loving nan.

Like the OP I hope they don’t have big regrets when they’re much older, I love feeling they’re love and care for us, that’s not guaranteed of course, we got lucky.

Yep I’d be extremely sad not to have grandchildren

Would you feel this way if they adopted? Is this more about your bloodline?

I don't think it's wrong to be sad about not being a grandmother.

No, I understand the end of the line thing. Neither of my brothers had siblings. So the line has rather diminished - though it has sort of opened up again.

My mum had a number of biological grandchildren and great grandchildren. My step dad has none of his ‘own’ . He is grandad to all of them, and a far better one than my father would have been.
My mum’s closest relationship is with my son, despite the fact that he is adopted and we live the furthest away, apart from the one in Australia. Biological links aren’t everything.

Of course you can feel sad about it, you just don't let on that you feel that way. I would have been sad if I didn't have any GC , not because I have no hobbies or friends or anything else in my life and not because I wanted to pretend they were mine even though I had already had my turn at parenting.

The simple reason was because I loved my own GPs and had a good relationship with them which was different from the one with my parents and I would like to have a similar relationship from the other perspective.