To be sad about never having grandkids

It is what it is, please dont make them feel guilty. I have a friend who is infertile and her sister had to have a hysterectomy I her 20's (both due to endometriosis). Their mum will never be a grandma. It's sad but has to be accepted. As my mum always says....... 'you never know what's going to happen, you could get run over by a bus tomorrow' 🤣 she's right - accept life for what it is and make the most of it whatever the circumstances xxxx

Awww that's lovely.

I don't have a clue if mine will. In some ways I hope they do because they don't have any siblings.
But what will be.
I don't know if I'm just getting old but the world seems a terrible place alot of the time, I totally get why the birth rate is falling, it's very hard to have faith that the world won't be a horrible place to live for most people in the future (maybe it already is)

I'm also a bit. 🤨 Life isn't supposed to be easy. The point of having kids is to raise them to be resilient and able to cope in the face of adversity. People have lived and will continue to live through worse things than Western Europe in the 21st century.

Very much love my children but i won't lie, I've not enjoyed parenting, one of mine can't and the other two are still too young to say for sure but I doubt they will which is fine with me tbh.
I think I'd rather they get pets than have children, but it's not up to me.

YANBUto feel sad but it is you who have had this expectation when really you shouldn't have.
Just make sure you don't send them on a guilt trip about it.

I like the pp who said you've been lucky enough to be a mum, which is right.

I completely agree. Just because OP requires children and now grandchildren and the continuance of her bloodline to be fulfilled it doesn't mean the rest of the world does.

I have no idea if my children will have children, that's up to them. They are my absolute joy and I am as enchanted by them as I was when the midwife put each one of them in my arms. It has been an absolute privilege to be their mum and I would be ok with whatever they decided.

It’s not unreasonable at all. I have one DS and I would be sad if it never happened but of course would never let on. He is only a teen. Like anything, you have to let go and find other sources of fulfillment. Let yourself feel it but then move on and busy yourself. Consider all the things you can do with rest of your life/ money etc Not easy, but you’ll get through it

This is a really lovely way of putting it.Being a Mum is amazing.

I feel this way about myself. I'm 42 without children. My family are fairly 'good stock' too allegedly but I am an only child. I'm gay, which obviously doesn't help but I've also never met the right person. If I had have, I may have found a way.

It will be more common to not have grandkids. Many people only have 1 child and if that child can't or doesn't want kids that's it. Obviously many people don't have kids so no grandkids. I can't say I'm bothered now my dc is young and a boy so who knows.

My DDs are 23 and 20. The 23 year old has always loved children (as a young teen she was regularly handed babies to watch at church to allow parents to have a coffee/chat). I would be very upset for her if she was unable to have children as it is something that would be so important to her. The 20 year old recently told me that she can't ever see herself having children. I would love to have grandchildren some day but I would never voice that to my DDs.

You got to be a mum. Be thankful for that, not everyone is that lucky.

arent you concerned about the catastrophic effects of climate change?

my 2 are 18 and 20. Whilst I would love them to have children and enjoy the parenting experience, my fears for my own children are bad enough re the climate.

i wouldn’t wish my fears on them, especially 20+ years down the line.

You feel how you feel. As long as you don't guilt trip your children then that's fine,

It seems rather 50/50 whether any of our three DDs ever have children of their own. To be honest, I am fine with it either way. If I get to be a grandma then that would be lovely. If I don't then that's cool too. Their choice, and not my place to do or say anything.

This comment nails it for me.

Same with us, one can't, one they don't want to have children.
We have traced our family back a few hundred years. two direct lines, mine will die out after my son. The cousins one will continue.
Ho Hum. It would have been nice. . . . . but not to be. On with the show!

Unless you’re doubting your own parenting skills and ability to raise thinking adults, I reckon you need to give your adult DC more credit. They won’t have just woken up at 42/45/50 and realised “whoops, forgot to have children, was too busy buying shit and having fun!” They will have thought about it. If they are women especially, they will have had other people in their faces making them think about it at some point. If they’re in their forties and fifties they will know plenty of people with children, will have seen what’s involved in raising them, and taken an active decision against it. Worrying about whether they are fulfilled in their choices is a bit sad: you surely raised them to follow their dreams, and they have.

Are your dc female?

YANBU

I would be utterly heartbroken. (Yes, really.)

Same boat here, so i understand your sadness..
Neither of my DC and partners want to bring children into this world.
I can understand their viewpoint 100%, and while i'd adore having grandchildren, i have to admit i too would be fearful for their futures.

No, you aren't unreasonable to be sad. It is your emotion and you are entitled to it.

You would be unreasonable if you ever let them know you are disappointed in them or pressurising them in any way.

@Sskka · Today 19:27

“Many of us look at the state of the world and have decided not to bring children into it” — when people say this (there’s quite a lot of it on this thread), what do you mean? The idea seems to be quite common atm, but I never understand what’s supposed to be so bad about the present day

I find this 'the world is a bad place, that's why I'm not having children' line really odd too. I remember a cousin of mine saying this in the 1980s when she was in her 20s. 'The world's a wicked place. It's no place to bring children into!' she said.

It was no worse in the 1980s than it was in the 1940s - in fact it was a bit better. 40 years on from the 1980s, (now in 2024,) it's no worse. Not much better but no worse. There are 3 billion more people now compared to 1984, but the world isn't any worse. Several hundred years ago the world would have been a much worse place to live - for most people (particularly the poor!)

I am baffled by the 'I'm not having children as the world is such a terrible place' comments. Always have been. People act like the current day (2020s,) is the only point in time that has had societal problems.

Cousin went on to have 2 children by the way - in her mid 30s.

Especially if friends have grandchildren and are cooing over photos. I might feel a pang if my sister's daughter has children as is likely. I know my own 3 won't

But with climate change, I already worry about the lives my own adult children are going to experience, let alone a younger generation.

I also love the freedom I have now if I'm honest. I worked in early years for a long time and loved it but it was nice to leave the noise behind!