To be sad about never having grandkids

I know of people in your position, and they are very sad about it. It's completely understandable.
Primary schools are crying out for volunteers to go in and read to children, this could be a really lovely thing to do.

It's been thought of many times but not actually happened

A Couple of local baby groups have recently gone under because no one could take on the responsibility- we would have snapped your hand off. The reality of balancing parenting, work, the pta, the baby group, the toddler group, the after school activities, swim lessons…. Mostly parents are willing to do the open up, tidy away, but finding people to do the admin, the accounts, the charity filing on top of the day job is so hard

I do understand and you are entitled to your feelings of course.

There have been some good ideas on this thread such as volunteering to read with children at a school etc

Only thing is, I might be relieved if I didn’t, seeing the state of the planet now. I think I had my two just before it was really obvious we were fucked. Or before it became obvious to me anyway!

I can completely understand. I’m very family orientate but my family are not. My parents aren’t interested in my daughter and have only met her 3 times (she’s 2.5) saying they “don’t like kids”. My partner comes from a big loving family but his parents are deceased and his siblings are lovely but all have their own kids who are obviously their focus. I’d love to have a surrogate grandparents for our little one. I often think it would be great if there was a way of matching with people who wanted to be grandparents.

Every decision we make has an opportunity cost and something as profound and life changing as having kids will have a massive opportunity cost either way. The subjective element is how you perceive the 'opportunity' you have missed out on.

So basically we are all missing out on stuff all of the time. It's not offensive to point this out. You simply don't value or want the opportunity you are missing out on. Good for you, but don't be so sensitive if people that do value this opportunity think differently. I'm sure you look at the people that do choose to have children and think they are missing out on the fantastic aspects of child free life.

Volunteer to listen to children read at your local primary school ? My mum did that and loved it.

My sister has grandchildren, I don't and probably won't.

Yes she gets joy from them but it also gives her more people to worry about. She worries about the world they're growing up in. I have had enough worries about my own DC, not sure I want another generation to worry about!

I also see the hurt she sometimes feels when she's not invited to something relating to the GC or when she desperately wanted the first GC to stay over but the child's mum didn't want to hand him over for a night. It seems it can be quite fraught with difficulties from what I've seen.

She's also now stuck living where she is because she doesn't want to be a distant grandparent, but she hates where she lives.

People often say GPs get all the good bits and get to hand them back. But GPs are also at the whim of the actual parents! They still have all the worries about their GC while at the same time none of it being within their control. What I've seen of it, I'm not sure I want! Of course if I had a GC I would love them dearly but I'm just as happy without.

If you want to interact with young children and mums there are some charities including the NCT who train mentors to support new mums. A really worthy thing to do. Also schools alway appreciate volunteers to read with children.

My parents were in a similar situation. My siblings are older than me and neither interested in dating or having children. I had a baby late 30s much to my parent’s surprise and delight. I surprised myself wanting a child suddenly after being strongly childfree.

Now I probably have an assortment of judgement on being one and done. Can’t please everyone anymore.

OP, I hope you find peace at some stage with the outcome. I think it is fine and normal to to sad and experience a whole range of emotions about this. I agree with posters though about not guilt-tripping (but it doesn’t sound like you are).

I always tell my children that if they want children (and of course if they are able to have them!!) then thats entirely up to them. I don't care if they have children themselves or not. What I do care about is that they are happy that to me is the most important thing.

It may help you to consider that having children these days is not the same as having children 20,30,40 years ago.

Mine are (young) adults. A friend had a baby last week and I felt worried and sorry for them.

Absolutely do some volunteering! There are many ways and many things you could do that I am sure a family would really enjoy. My Mum (in her 70s now) works for some families doing a bit of afternoon nannying type work which she really enjoys.
She is in the UK and I am in Germany so she can't do that for us. I wish we had someone else that did. It would be lovely.
It is actually fairly common to put out an advert for a "part time grandma" in Germany to help with childcare (especially since primary School finishes at 1pm, but that is a whole other thread).

The play group my mum take my son to is run by 2 older ladies and they have some older
ladies doing the teas/coffees and snacks so it isn’t completely abnormal or strange. Its a play group that run in a church hall so I think they are all
ladies that attend the church. If you wanted
to volunteer I’m sure you’d be welcomed, you would probably just need to have a criminal records check (CRB) done.

Could you volunteer for Homestart? You would be matched with a mother and baby that for whatever reason need some extra support. My volunteer watches my daughter while I have a much needed sleep, shower, hospital appointment etc. My daughter and her are extremely close, and this marvellous woman has become a member of the family,

Dp mum used to go on about it when he visited. It made him.uncomfortablw and he has told me he used to either go home or have to tell her he was going home if she didn't stop.
She died and later on 2 grandkids came along when she had been dead 8 years, so she never got to see them.
Just the way it was.
nothing is guaranteed.

You may can volunteer as a mentor mom in a local MOPS (mothers of preschoolers) type group. When my DC were born, I lived near a military base. A lot of the young moms in the group I attended didn’t have any family in the area. The mentor moms in our group often filled a grandparent type role for the kids. A lot of those kids are university aged and still have that relationship with those mentor moms.

Its not crazy at all.
You are never unreasonable to feel what you feel.

I wish you were my mum Op. My mother has 4 grandchildren and she could not be less interested.

Not all of us are cut out to be parents. I never wanted children and, at an age where I might be "expected" to have grandchildren (or, around here, probably great-grandchildren - a neighbour in her early 80s has two great-great-grandchildren, FFS!) I have absolutely no regrets.

My (much younger) sister has two children, mainly because her husband expected it of her. Our mother was thrilled by this, but (fortunately for her) sis lives on the other side of the world, so Ma could just turn up every couple of years and play at being granny. Poor sis now has three grandchildren under 7. She didn't particularly enjoy being a mother and is very unenthusiastic about the endless babysitting.

I just want my son to be happy ultimately.

I'd love to have grandchildren and I would be disappointed not to have any, but it wouldn't be a great tragedy as long as my child was happy and living the life he wanted.

Both my children live abroad. They don't want children. I have 8 step grandchildren but I will never have a biological one. I feel your pain. It's utterly heartbreaking

If your hypothetical GC lived abroad you would very rarely see them anyway. Would that utterly break your heart too?

I see a lot of this yearning and almost entitlement for GC from people who know they messed up parenting and want another go. I'm not saying that's you of course.

I always knew I wanted children, and I was fortunate to have two. Would I have them now if I was looking to start a family, considering how the world is right now? Most likely not.

My daughter doesn’t want children. Not sure about my son. If I don’t end up with grandchildren (whether genetic or adopted), I’m at peace with that.

It reminds me of having seen Fleetwood Mac a few times, and Mick always comes out at the end to wish everyone a safe trip home “in this increasingly crazy world we live in”, and I always think ‘love you Mick, but tonight’s arena show must be the least crazy night in Fleetwood Mac’s entire history’.

Anyway I always did wonder whether people were sincere about fearing the modern world or if it’s just something to say. But it seems like it is genuine. I don’t see it myself.

A lot of prospective GP will pass away before GC are born.

Most people I know are having their first DC are around 40 often with partners who are a little older. If that’s replicated in the next generation the GP will need to be well over 80 or even nearer 100 on the fathers side before their GC are born.

Even now I know a lot of people who lost parents to old age before their DC were born.