To be sad about never having grandkids

No, you’re not being unreasonable. Your feelings are your feelings and you are entitled to feel that way.

I’m not understanding replies about helping in schools listening to children read?
How could that possibly make up for not having any grandchildren I’ll never quite understand.

I’ll never be a grandparent either and it’s sad. I’m working on keeping myself busy now so when friends’ children start with babies, I’ll be focussed on other things.

Yes. This. I just suggested the same.

Just come to echo what others have said - please do volunteer!! I have worked in schools and for several charities who all use volunteers, including older folks, to work with children who really need them. There are a lot of children out there sad that they will never have grandparents who you could be a blessing for! It is definitely not weird to volunteer without having young kids/grandkids yourself. Best of luck x

What about volunteering for a charity that supports mums with newborns. I had twins and lost the plot. A lovely lady would come weekly just for an hour. Sometimes she just held a baby, another time me, sometimes she would take my other child to the park. It’s called home start uk. Good luck. You have so much to give.

Sometimes we have a fantasy about grandkids that may be far from the reality. Kids can live abroad and we see them once a year or as we see here we are not allowed see them for 3 weeks after their born or the other gp is totally involved and we are brushed off. Or we end up minding them and are totally exhausted.
I have one gd who is an absolute joy but she has her own busy life and l have mine. I love her dearly but her life is with her own family and l enjoy the times we have together.
My dm spent her first part of life worrying about all her dc and then the next section worrying about all the gc she got. There was always something happening. I am a great believer in living your own life.
Grieving and then accepting is probably best .

I don't think I'm likely to be a grandparent, neither of mine seem interested and time will run out for them soon.
My parents became grandparents when they were 44. I'm not sure if I'd fancy becoming a grandparent at that age if I'm honest, I was still 'having it large' and being extremely irresponsible😬

You never know, my cousin became a dad at 51.

And me.

I had DD late in life and love her to bits, but my life isn't better now, just different.

She is adamant that she doesn't want children, and I'm fine with that.

I don't understand women who would be heartbroken not to be grandparents. They have had their children. It's time to move on. Whether their children want children or not is none of their business.

Just to say, please do volunteer! I’m a single mum with no local family, and two women with no grandkids have really been a godsend for me and my son, so he gets to have “grandparent” experiences and there is someone who can pick him up or babysit here and there - and meanwhile my son takes the pressure off their own kids who don’t currently have kids, and provides a welcome distraction when life is stressful. There are so many kids and families out there who would love an adoptive grandparent.

Do you have Home Start in your area? You may be able to volunteer to help a young family.

https://www.home-start.org.uk/

Its absolutely fine to be sad about it! I think as long as you accept the choices your kids made then how you feel about it is your business and allowing yourself to feel sad and grieve is probably the best path to acceptance. I chose not to have kids and I am happy with my choice, I don't want to be a mum but I sometimes still feel sad about it and sad that my parents won't be grandparents. Such is the complexity of human life and emotion.

@Evenstar That's lovely

@Justleaveitblankthen well, yes. There are. I’m heartbroken my son will never graduate school or uni, will never live independently, will never have a career, will never have a meaningful relationship, will likely never tie his own fucking shoes so if it’s ok with you, I’ll be heartbroken about never having grandchildren along with everything else.

Please don’t discuss your sadness with your children.
20 years on and I can still hear my mother telling me that she was suffering too because she was born to have grandchildren. Context? I’d just been stood up for my own wedding 🙄

Of course it is okay to feel sad - you're entitled to your feelings. Like PPs have said, it is not okay to put those feelings onto your children and pressure them in any way - and it sounds like you haven't and wouldn't OP.

You mentioned volunteering at a playgroup that your friends attend with their grandchildren... do it! I attend a lovely church playgroup with my 2yo and there are many women of 'grandparent age' who volunteer there and none of them are there with their own grandchildren (some have them but they live far away, some have grandchildren who are teenagers or even adults now, some don't have any grandchildren or even any children).

Honestly I'm sure you could find a million parents and kids who would love to have surrogate grandparents. You're worth your weight in gold to them, plus you get all the fun and none of the long term stress.

I also second what @Evenstar said that so many mums are parenting hours and hours (or continents!) away from their parents. Surrogate grandparents are so precious.

I watch some of my friends, who are already grandparents, running themselves ragged picking gc up from school every day, dropping them off here and there or caring for very small babies/toddlers because their parents have to work full time due to the cost of living and I ask myself "Do I want grandkids?"

I have loved being a mum and thought I wasn't going to be able to have kids but I am really not fussed at all if I become a grandparent. I would much prefer to have a grand-dog if I am truly honest!

You have explained how you feel very eloquently. You are entitled to your feelings.

I would be sad if DD1 did not have children because she wants them so much. Past health issues may make that tricky. I’d feel very sad for her if it did not happen. But not for me.

Being a parent has been defining for me. I have a good, fulfilling, career but parenting has been the big thing. I have 3 children (aged 23, 20 and 13). I have made mistakes but I really gave (and still give) the parenting business 100 per cent, so I do not feel that anything is left undone in that respect. I was an older mother (am 57 now). The thought of grandchildren is quite a remote one for me. I’d love the children obviously. And do everything I could to help. But it’s not a longing I have. Any sadness if my children were childless would be on their account, not mine.

My parents won't. Child rearing looks so shite I don't think they can argue with it. I do think my mum feels weird that her DNA will be snuffed out with me and my sister. She and my dad are only children. End of the tedious road.

Definitely volunteer- an active older person with parenting experience is like the gold dust of volunteers! I used to run a playgroup and we would have been SO delighted to have been contacted by you.
You could also volunteer with homestart.

Not everyone is fullfiled with children.

If you liked having them so much, you should have had at least eight.
It would curb your enthusiasm about babies and made a possibility of having a grandchild much higher.

When I see my poor aunt stuck minding my cousin’s children five or six days a week I always think how nicer her life would be if my cousins never had children.

100%

I have five children aged 21 to 34, four are single, the one who is married is undecided and the youngest is in the forces and will probably not want a family for many years, another feels that even if he met someone the climate crisis means he is concerned about having children.

I am realistic that I may not have grandchildren or I may be too old to be an active grandparent by the time they arrive.

I have made peace with it on the whole, but I was always the house where lots of other children gathered in the school holidays, I worked in Early Years for many years too and I volunteer at a Mother and Baby group too now I have retired. I have been very blessed to have so many children in my life.

You would be warmly welcomed as a volunteer by many organisations and valued so much by young mums who are often living a long way from their own mums. You can make a difference without being a grandparent, and it is such a pleasure to spend time with the little ones.

Having said all that, please allow yourself to be sad, you don’t have to voice it in real life, but your feelings are valid 💐