Kids allowed to roam all over visiting house ?

I agree with the above. Yes, it’s out of order but I would say that YOU let them wander around your house. Of course, you have a baby (which means you can be physically stuck) and they’re your friends and you were being polite, but it’s your house. You can be breezily firm with children usually without pissing off the parents - ‘no, not in there, darling!’ . But absolutely you shouldn’t have to in an ideal world. Congratulations on your baby.

Don't put your baby on its own for naps. Baby needs the noise to reduce risk of cot death.

The Lullaby Trust has up to date guidance on safe sleep including day time sleep.

It is exceptionally rude for people to let their kids roam around your house and touch your private belongings, they are shitty parents

It is like when people visit you, they expect YOU to babysit their kids whilst they smash your shit up You either babysit or your house is being wrecked. No fuck that

Yes they are curious creatures but they need to know boundaries too.

Kids need to learn to be comfortable with not being entertained all the time. It is not healthy expectation to demand entertainment or behave terribly

I once had a friend whose kids used to do this. I put my handbag on the floor in my own home, she would think nothing of sitting watching her kid rifle through it - throwing personal items all over the floor - and drag an expensive bag round the floor whilst i was in the next room making tea.

I walked back in to the room and my sanitary products and mediation were all over the floor and her child sitting under my table with my bag in one hand, and a chocolate in the other hand, and then child had a massive tantrum when i tried to remove it, and the mum said 'oh shes alright' and laughed it off. I was furious so i took my bag back and let the kid scream its head off. Her other slightly older child was in my bedroom going through my perfume cupboard and spraying my expensive perfume all over herself. Told her i was going out so sadly she would have to leave

I stopped them visiting, no way would I have them round again, they were awful parents and the kids behaviour was unbearable to be around

I wouldn't allow it and I wouldn't allow visiting children free rein either. I always 'showed them around' when they arrived, even if they'd been before, mainly on the pretext of reminding a small child where the bathroom is. "This is DC1's room, this is DC2's room. The bathroom is here. That is my bedroom and you are not allowed in there."

I’m so heartened by this thread!

Every time Dc come to our house they expect to run riot through the house, upstairs, downstairs, everywhere. I was beginning to think it was just me who had an issue as the parents seem to expect to have a good gander as well . They usually try the “ I’ll just run up and check on them.” Sometimes I say don’t worry I’ll go but normally I just give in as I’d got to the point I thought it was a “me” problem and I was unduly uptight.

It's not OK for parents to let children wander around other people's homes. I have a good friend who had an awful childhood and as a result struggled to know what normal parenting was. I kept the stair gate on a lot longer than I would just to deter her DC from roaming my house, but it worked for other DC too. Even though they could have opened it if they wanted to, visiting DC didn't.

When my eldest was about three we looked at a lot of show homes, and he suddenly thought it was OK to wander freely around other people's houses. I was a little nervous he might suddenly declare the garden far too small and say the choice of tiles were horrid.

No, not normal at all. Children will visit my other children’s rooms now obviously, but my room and offices remain off limits. Kids normally know this without being told

We bought dog gates for our dogs when they were puppies. We keep them for BIL & SIL's feral DC.

Sadly OP, although very definitely not normal. It isn't unusual and you will meet plenty of spirited children and lazy parents. Congratulations on your own new born.

I'm interested in this point of view. Is it that children get free rein to go into any room but that's because they're trusted not to actually go through peoples stuff? Or break things? Is it that you expect to surface tidy/put stuff away into drawers when you know there's children coming because you know they won't touch things that aren't there's?

Or is it that it's actually fine for children to access anything?

I'm struggling to understand how anyone is ok with having to get your house into a state where there's absolutely nothing you wouldn't want pulled out and thrown downstairs? What about sex toys? Sexy underwear? Old underwear? Any underwear at all! Jewellery? Sentimental inherited things? Ornaments? Make up? Children's teeth? (I don't keep my children's body parts but I know lots of people do!) Notebooks? Letters? Pictures? Tampons being pulled out and thrown downstairs?

I'm just baffled by people not needing anywhere in their home that they'd want private and safe from a load of friends' children, especially when we are not just talking about a sneaky bounce on the bed but about 14 year olds going through drawers under the bed etc and parents grabbing things off sides for children to give to children?

Jesus. This thread really brings it home that some people have weird approaches to manners when it involves their own children.

It is not ok to let your precious little darlings roam all over my home and look through drawers and make a total mess of my things.

Congratulations on your baby OP 😊

In answer to your question no it’s not normal to allow kids to run feral through somebody else’s house.

See also kids running around restaurants crashing into waiters with plates of hot food and kids being utter PITA on aeroplanes and any other public space.

There are generally 2 types of child raising-one where you instil manners and boundaries. And the other 😉

PurpleDiva22, awh the “good sitting room”. I loved it.
Many a happy hour spent playing with my Granny’s ornaments. I knew they were special & never broke them.
I think that children are far more sensible than we think!

@Gowlett we were always told to stay out of bedrooms except the bedrooms of the children we are playing with, and usually the "good sitting room" if they had one wherever we were visiting. I've never been given free rein in any house.

'Free rein' is out of the question.

It's fine to play, but not take the piss and go in an adult's bedroom.

I'll happily bring toys downstairs for them to play with, but there's no need for the children to make themselves at home.
It's disrespectful, and i will always give them an age appropriate telling off.

No and it is a major pet peeve with other people’s kids in my house. I had to cool off invites for a really close friend for a while as her DC was such a horror, I found him at the top of the stairs throwing books down! Thankfully seems to have grown out of that phase…
When DC was little I had a no going upstairs rule for playdates, now she’s older they can play in her room and use the bathroom (obviously) but all other doors are shut so no entry. They can have free run of the downstairs and the garden. If you set firm boundaries people tend to stick to them

Just choose your boundaries and set them.

Personally I’m quite happy for DD’s play dates and friends’ kids to roam the house – our bedroom isn’t sacrosanct or private, upstairs isn’t private and I don’t know anyone who has that vibe. Clearly I’m in a minority on this thread! But friends feel the same: my friend was delighted recently round her house to discover my DC and hers who’d been suspiciously quiet weren’t causing trouble but were curled up in her bed under the covers, reading each other stories.

But we don’t let kids up the stairs to the top storey because those stairs are steeper, the banister is low and unsafe (old house), our offices are up there. So that’s the boundary we set, along with no going out the front door and no shutting doors (so we can get to them if there is a problem). They’re all well-behaved, don’t mess in bathroom cupboards or anything, they might just play hide and seek under my bed or drag some toys in there or do some colouring. Kids are energetic and it’s pretty shit and boring to visit a newborn and be confined to one room with boring grownups talking. I wouldn’t let them roam in any of your houses if that’s the rule set but I’ve never been anywhere where the hosts have made upstairs off-limits like that.

I don't allow my DC to roam, nor have I ever experienced it (except for friends going up to play in DC's rooms with them, which is obviously fine).

I think, for example, leaving the boring adult talk in the living room to go play with your own toy in the kitchen is fine though.

That kind of visit would be tortuously boring for most young DC - it's essentially a childfree house with nothing and no one for them to play with. Even if you plan ahead and bring stuff they're going to run out of steam pretty quickly. By allowing things like playing with the front door (irritating but harmless), the parents may well have known that they were preventing much more annoying behaviour and extending the visit. If they only stayed as long as their young DC could sit quietly in the same room as the grownups, they would essentially be in and out with no real time to hear all about your new arrival.

Obviously just letting the kids run rampant isn't ok, but they don't have a pause button.

No you're not being unreasonable. It's your house and your boundaries. I do think you need to express those boundaries though.
My 7 year old child's friends aren't allowed in our bedroom and if it's a nice day I often insist on them sticking to the garden/conservatory. They have just as much fun and less tidying up for me! Equally I respect and expect my child to respect the boundaries in other people's houses. It's just basic manners.

WTAF?

”Right, I have to kick you all out now as I have things I need to get done and the children need lunch”

It’s your house, not an all day buffet.

No I would not have liked children roaming around messing things up before I had a child nor since

No my child was not allowed to do this when they were younger as fas as I am aware never did

My sil has a nice way of telling visitors that it's time to go.

She says 'Shall we have another cup of tea before you hit the road?'.

Works every time, she says.

Interesting to read this. We didn’t grow up like this this.
It just seems so conservative… (I’m not from the UK).
We always played in friends & relatives houses, free reign.
Can’t imagine sitting by my mum’s side. The adults did their own thing! Surely, they could enjoy a cuppa, without kids?

We had friends round a few years ago now and I was quite taken aback - we did have DC1 at this stage so not like I wasn’t used to kids. They wanted to explore the whole house (it’s a normal 3 bed semi) and their parents just waved them off upstairs!

I ended up following them to “give them a tour”’(aka keep an eye on them, I’m sympathetic to children being curious but didn’t want them in everything) and found them trying to scale furniture to reach my jewellery box, etc! Had to be quite firm that we would all hang out downstairs.

To be clear, I’d have no problems with kids upstairs if playing with my own kids in their bedrooms. What I’m not keen on is kids I don’t know wandering around upstairs unsupervised. Especially when all the toys, TV, etc, are downstairs!

Mine aren’t allowed to do this. If we are invited into someone’s personal space, they’ve been taught to only go into the rooms that they’re invited into, to touch things they’ve been invited to touch, and to eat/drink things they’ve been offered. They wouldn’t like their personal boundaries trampled, so I’m raising them not to be personal boundary tramplers either.

I had some friends who let their children roam. I didn't mind as long as they left the cats alone. What did annoy me, was them thundering round like a heard of elephants.