To ask if your adult dc live at home if they just come and go as they please?

Whether or not they will eat with us - for practicality, really.

If staying out overnight - so we know whether or not to put the bolt on the door

Other than that they come and go as they wish.

Ive always expected the courtesy of a text / message to say in / out and whether they will be in for dinner .

Exactly this, I have a 22 year old just going into his final year at Uni who lives at home, and a 19 year old who is in halls during term time and home in the holidays. They come and go as they please but if they have told me they are planning coming home after a night out I expect a text to tell me if plans change - they are fine with that as they appreciate that if I wake in the morning and find they're not home, that i'd worry. Also ask them to tell me if they are planning to be at home for dinner so I know how many i'm cooking for.

Yes they come and go as they please but tell me if they are really late or staying elsewhere.
I don't cook especially for them and if I do, I cook the kind of meals that can be heated up the next day.

Single parent with adult DS (29) occasionally resident. We would let each other know if we were going out / staying out, although not exact location, and message if plans changed. He’s less conscientious about telling me when he’s not home for tea, but if I was cooking something special he’d let me know.

Have explained carefully why DC need to let me know whether they will be around for dinner (else they go hungry 😄). Also they let me know if they will be back late at night(else they run risk of getting locked out 😁or I go looking for them when younger (could be v embarrassing). I have not always let them know my own movements enough so we all let each other know better now. With a phone it's easy.

Mostly come and go as they like.
If they don't want dinner I ask to be told by the morning. They can change their mind obviously but need to let me know - can be annoying when I cater for them (especially the vegetarian) and they get a better offer. Ours need to cook once a week for us thats a commitment at least.

Likewise they have to let us know if coming home late late (like after my bedtime!) or staying out. No judgement, it's just so we know what's happening in our own home.
No overnight stays here except long term boyfriend/girlfriends, and we need to know they're going to be here.

Don’t have an young adult living with me but have had a couple lodgers. I wouldn’t expect them to necessarily tell you everything about what they are up to but certainly if they are expecting to be home for dinner and what time they’d be home on an evening if at all. It’s just common courtesy so you don’t stay awake waiting for them worrying - my house mates would let me know if staying out when at uni. Also a safety thing as a young woman.

Mine used to keep me informed of her movements and plan changes, but yes, she came and went exactly as she pleased. If she was going to be in one of us would cook for both of us, if not I’d do mine and she’d sort herself out, either while out or after getting back.
I also kept her appraised of my movements and plan changes so we both knew what was going on.

Our 25 year old son lives with us. He lets us know if he’s going to be late, although he does sometimes forget. He’s never forgotten to tell us if he’s out for the night though. We don’t usually cook for him as he sorts himself out. If he’s in for tea then we’ll include him. If he’d said he was in for tea then changed his mind, he’ll let us know.

It’s all about respect really. Set out your ground rules and keep your boundaries.

My dc are 20 and 22. One has just graduated, the other is at University but home for the summer. They come and go as they please, but they let me know if/when/where they are going out most of the time, it is more than just a quick pop to the corner shop etc. So does my DH! They would certainly let me know if they were staying overnight, if they would not be in for dinner, or if they were going to be back for dinner much later than they said. Just good manners really.

Age is important here. 18 year old I would expect to liaise with me in some way about what they are doing. Mid 20s I wouldn't.

Yes, as a minimum I ask that they let me know if they are in or out for tea and whether they are sleeping in or out. Other than that they can come and go as they please.