Am I really that U to change name at work?!

I was very upset when my sister changed her name.

You're not serious? It's nothing to do with you whether someone else changes their name.

Are you usually so over invested in other peoples’ lives. What a complete over reaction.

I didn’t change my name and neither did my mother, who got married in 1976. Personally, I don’t get women changing their name when they get married - but I don’t get lots of things, like why anyone likes playing team sports, or why anyone would ever wear the color beige. It’s not morally wrong. It’s just not for me.

Whether women change their name when they get married is very personal to each woman, and I think all the importance other women put on it is a waste of time and energy.

Just under 20 years ago I got married and coincidentally changed jobs - the new work place hadn't set anything up but still made out it was strange and a weird hassle also kept having them check that was what had happened.

Did make me feel like I was doing something odd - though many women still change their names then.

Yip. Women have hard to spell names, weird foreign names, names that people mispronounce, names they've never liked or actively hate, and names with bad associations.

Weird how men so very rarely change their names for any of these reasons!

Men get to have their own names, women are just borrowing their fathers'.

How ridiculous of your workplace. Change your name if you want to. There’s no need to give them any other reason than that you have just got married. Of course you do not want to stay tied to a name that has such unhappy connotations. And it’s very unreasonable of them to suggest you are putting them to alot of trouble. It’s not your fault if they haven’t put effective systems in place to deal with this situation.

It’s your name and you should get to do what you want with it.

Equally, my IT department contacted me to ask if I really wanted to change it, as apparently it causes a total headache to do
😵‍💫

I think the woman changing her name after marriage is outdated and inwardly judge women who still feel they have to do anything, but it still seems to be the norm at my female dominated workplace and I definitely wouldn’t say anything out loud.

Let's face it, it's not lots of people changing their names it's women.

There's literally thousands of women out there who hated their Fathers name so they decided to take another man's name. When that fell apart they wanted a different name so they took another man's name. You couldn't make it up! Just revert back to your birth surname then this will never be a problem again. If however like lots of women on MN who don't like their birth surname (their poor parents how did they cope with that surname!) then make up a new name.

But don't change your name and pretend it isn't a whole load of work.

They don't get to tell you what your name is!

I bet they wouldn't grumble about a trans person changing their name and try to get them to use the old one...

Really? It doesnt say anything about anyone's values really. My name was a bit crap and my husband's name was awesome, thats the main reason I changed.

I get a bit fed up when otherwise impressive professional women are all meek and silent at the wedding while the men do the speeches but even then it's just the details of one day

Honestly, I think it makes people feel uncomfortable because it makes them feel like someone is questioning their own choices, because people are weird like that.

It’s perfectly fine. I’m an academic with a PhD and a publishing record in my maiden name, and it was totally fine to change my name. I wanted the same name as Dh and any future dc. My mum had long since remarried and changed her name. And my dad, who was an asshole and long since dead, was the only person I still shared a name with. And I had no desire to still have his name! I wanted a name that felt like it was finally ‘mine’ and a fresh start. Absolutely no one had anything weird to say about it and it was easy to do professionally.

It’s really unusual for people in my field to name change. It confuses professional contacts and most of us are published.

So yes, it definitely draws attention when someone changes their name because it’s rare and potentially damaging to your career.

I work in a large corporate environment. People change their names all the time, it’s not remotely remarkable. Your colleagues have too much time on their hands and your IT team need to be spoken to by HR for questioning your personal choice.

IT will always tell you a name change is a headache but it isn’t actually a huge amount of work for them.

I think this is a you problem

It's so bizarre that this is even commented on. My workplace couldn't cope with changing my name on all the IT either so I've got a miss match it. I reckon men must have invented some of the systems.

Anyway all your first paragraph is absolutely irrelevant. I don't mean that in a rude way. The reason for you changing your name is irrelevant to the problem in hand and you shouldn't feel like you have to explain yourself.

Blimey.

Your IT department needs a kick, what a stupid response they gave to you wanting to change your name. This is common in my line of work, emails obviously need to change but this should be a fairly straightforward piece of work for them to do, a simple re-direct so people still type your name and your email is automatically pre-filled for them.

It can also be used as previously known. People will get what it means in these cases.

Née means ‘born as’ which isn’t the case for the OP.

Edit to say, I have kept my married name despite being divorced. My young children wanted me to be the same as them, otherwise I would have reverted. Wish I’d kept my maiden name all along, tbh.

This would be an unusual response to me. I kept my maiden name when I married and I am the only woman I know in real-life to have not taken their husband's name. I'm mid-30s so not especially old or young, and I also know plenty of married people – most of my colleagues and friends are married and all changed their surnames. They have received no raised eyebrows or questions whatsoever.

No one where I work changes their name at work when they get married, I work in the justice system and it's an advantage if people can't work out who you are/where your child goes to school etc. DH and I both double barrelled but both kept our own names at work