Am I really that U to change name at work?!

I wish you were right, but unfortunately there are people who not only care but make sure you know they don't like it.

As this thread shows, that goes both ways. People can get arsey if you change your name, and arsey if you don't.

Love this reply. (I say this as someone who’s been married twice and never changed my name. Because what’s right for me isn’t necessarily right for someone else. Funny, that. It’s almost as if we’re all different…)

It’s not a whole load of work. IT can change it, and you could even do a 2 step process whereby your email address stays the same but your name is changed, and then later your email address is also changed. Simple note at the bottom of your standard email signature also helps eg “on x date my details will change to “ in the same way as people put advance holiday notifications.

I think perhaps you are attributing more value to their birth names than they are. I’m sure none of them felt forced to “give up” their names.

Most people don’t change their names. I just admit when I see a female colleague has I feel a bit sorry for them. Giving up your name seems so totally ancient history

I can assure you that my husband and I are equally joined together and have a very equal marriage in terms of work and childcare. We share the same desire to have only one surname. Apart from anything else, mine was 4 syllables and would have been a bastard to double-barrel.

I decided to use his because it’s a nice name. Nobody expected it, and I didn’t even change it for the first 3 years. The end.

Yes, other women are in unsatisfactorily unequal partnerships. But, seriously, the name is the least of their worries.

I work within the nhs. I am customer faced and have many contacts. I'm also getting remarried this year and am changing my name and couldn't give a shiny shit what anyone thinks tbh. I've kept my 1st marriage name for 30 years to be the same as kids throughout school years. Maiden name...I have 3 brothers and their kids to carry that on. It iant me any more. My 3 kids are grown. At least 1 will carry that on but there's 3 uncles and their kids to do the same. My new husband has the same first name as my first husband so double barrelling is not an option for us. Other than that I very much want to share his surname. By doing so I'm not beaten down by men or belittled by history or any other things. Im a very strong woman in general and no man will dictate their expectations to me in any aspect of my life. The new husband said just do whatever you want to so I'm changing it because I want to and i fancy the change. It's really that simple for me.

But that’s a media convention because nobody would know who the person was if her name was used in the headline.

I’m sorry that you feel the need to be so rude in your pursuit of the feminist ideal.

What's interesting is that despite divorce rates being high women are still changing their names so their family has the same name. Why don't men change their names for this reason? And whilst I appreciate no-one sets out to split up get divorced, the facts are that the children generally end up spending the majority of the time with the mother so it's actually logical that children are given the mothers surname.

On the note of it not being expected, I think it still is, sadly. An example of how women are still treated as someone's wife and not their own person was an article in the Telegraph at the weekend about the house bought by Mrs Steve Jobs!

I work in an IT dept. It's not alot of work but the replication through all of the IT applications and systems take time.
As the change happens there is the potential for emails/invite/calenders etc to be out of sync for a short time, hence checking you do want to go ahead. I doubt it's because they just can't be bothered!

Also, by using the man’s name as part of her double-barrel, the woman is still labelling herself as having a shared identity with her husband. That’s OK by you though?

I wish you were right, but unfortunately there are people who not only care but make sure you know they don't like it. This is before we get onto the people who do have expectations but aren't dicks about it.

Chances are one of the names will disappear by the time their double-barrelled kids get married, I guess that both are equally at risk of being the one for the chop though.

You seem awfully hung up on the idea that a woman owes it to feminism to continue using her birth name. Isn’t feminism all about having the freedom to chose?

I guess your ultimate feminist would be a woman who decides to use her mother’s maiden name, righting a generational wrong?

You have the right under GDPR to have your personal data such as your name corrected.

Obviously the laziness of your IT department should have no bearing on something as personal as deciding your own name! Funny they would think they have a say in it.

You're not going from your dad's name to your husband's. You're going from your own name to your husband's. Perhaps not understanding this is why you're flabbergasted.

Also, all members of a family having the same name is not nice. Any more than it's nasty. It's just a naming custom practiced by a minority of humans for a period of time. And even then, given the increasing number of blended families, the wife taking the husband's surname is not the same thing as all members of a household having it.

It really isn’t ‘expected’ any more. Literally no one cares if you don’t change your name after marriage. It seems from this thread that there are more people that care if you do!

But what do you mean? Snide comments about women “keeping their names”? Questions raised by teachers?

What about the fact that I am in my fifties, also live in the UK and can honestly say I have never noticed any such expectation? Does your lived experience trump mine?

The most you can say is that it is expected of women in SOME social/educational/regional circles in the UK.

It is EXPECTED of women.

It is NOT EXPECTED of men

I agree it's not expected of men, but I don't think it's expected of women either. Maybe by some individuals, but not by society as a whole. I never felt any pressure or expectation that I would.

I went to three weddings last year and none of them had a situation where only the woman changed her name. In two they both went double barrelled, and in the third I think they both stayed as they were already.

But some people just like the idea of a married couple having the same name. As said above, same sex couples often both double-barrel. I have a straight male colleague who double-barrelled. He’s been married about 25 years.

Would that be OK by you as not damaging the feminist cause?