Contributions from (pensioner) MIL to household

once they move in get the home comforts meals etc, its harder to get them to move out, i think you could end up doing a lot more as they get older .this is just the start, what happens if you are ill or want to go on holiday

She’s well able to make more than a small contribution!

Of course the MIL should be paying her way, anything else is utterly ridiculous.

Are you having to take unpaid time of work to care for her or take her to appointments?
Only in that situation would I think about charging her a penny. She's old and unwell, she raised your partner for many years and no doubt made sacrifices to do so. Whatever happened to giving back and looking after our elderly as they have looked after us?

If the lady was to be in sheltered accomodation it would cost between ,£300 to £700 for the basic accomodation . Or more in some places. This is without any care needed , food, rates , emergency alarm, transport and carer for appointments etc etc etc . Add in TV licence and phone etc ..... My heating lighting DD is nearly £185 a month. 4 hours cleaning /wk comes to £240 a month that scares me as I don't have pip or attendance . Having to end soon.
I pay £10 just to get me and my walker round to the doctors round the corner . Can't afford that often. I think taxi to nearest hospital for scans is now £30 pounds .
Quite honestly £400 for everything including food , heating . Made bed . Someone there 24/7 and petrol etc is fooooooking cheap 😬

Where we live no care home is cheaper that £1000

That’s why I’d be helping her keep some savings in case she needs them in the future

Care home can mean many things. What are you specifying? Even £1k+ a week specialised nursing homes standard of care can be quite dubious. But a residential care home is a lot cheaper

Could say the same to you.

RTFT - all of it before you comment.

I put together a list of all the expenses of our house when MiL moved in. Council tax, electric, water. Divided those by 3 (3 adults in the house) and her share is 1/3. Added to that the cost of special food she likes, sherry, service washes etc. Her share came to £600 which was paid by DD so it wasn't forgotten. The amount was adjust after several months and she decided she needed the electric fire on in her lounge non stop every day year round and our utility bill went way up. Completely fair, all documented.

Her income from her state pension plus widow's pension was higher than mine or OH's and we were looking after her so I can't see anything wrong with it (well I wouldn't would I??)

We have a duty to care for our parents. Is she's able to make a small contribution them you should be satisfied with that.
Threatening to put her in a care home is disgusting behavior.
Remember what she sacrificed when caring for her daughter.
Have more compassion.

Ripe for Rachel Reeves to change in the budget, perhaps, along with other low hanging fruit from the pensioner tree.

Yes it is two tier, qualify for PIP before SRA and you get significantly more than someone with the exact same issues which started the day they qualified for SRP. My DH is almost 80 and still getting DLA (PIP wasn't around when he became disabled) so it does seem strange. To be fair his response would be you could have his pain for the last 40 years and he'd have carried on working so I suppose that is a balance.

To me this seems unfair. PIP is more than AA, and also opens up the gateway to other benefits which a person on AA doesn’t get, even though they may have the same medical conditions so it’s a two tier thing.

You are not paid carers, you are family and asked her to move in to help help? Family shouldn't be charging to help her and take her to appointments etc.
You can't charge her for stuff you do for her as her family.
I think £400 is more than enough.

I’ m surprised that PIP isn’t stopped at state pension age and replaced with AA, es as PIP is a higher amount! Rachel Reeves might get an idea for the budget here!

She pays or she does and finds a nursing home/sheltered accommodation that can meet her needs.. simple as that! She can’t expect you to pay for and provide 90% of her care but get it for free. She needs to live in the real world I’m afraid

I'd lie and say DD was now paying £600.

She agreed the amount would be revised once her house was sold, she's now backtracked on the agreement.

I'm assuming there is now probably a sum sitting in a savings account, accumulating interest? I also assume increasing the household budget would benefit her also e.g. occasional takeaways, home improvements, days out? Why would she rather sit on it?

I honestly hope that when I'm older, I try to share any wealth before I go, rather than giving the taxman 40% or whatever ridiculous amount it will be by then.

A person can claim PIP up until state pension age & continue to receive this payment, ongoing, with no age limit.

People OVER state pension age, can claim attendance allowance.
They cannot claim PIP.

PIP & attendance allowance are not means tested

I think that your MIL should pay more

If she is largely immobile, she is reliant on your family for everything.
This means that your freedom is restricted too. What happens if you want to go to an event in the evening ?
What happens if you want to go on holiday ?

Outside non family help costs money, at the least it would be minimum wage per hour. Most care agencies charge a fee on top of minimum wage, this includes doing simple tasks round the home, not complicated duties.

The daughter does not require taking to appointments, personal care etc as she is living independently. The MIL does require these things so they don't need to pay the same amount.

The OP and partner could cost up the bills etc at the same rate plus a room rental element and charge the same for those which may help get the MIL to agree to paying more than £400 but she should not expect the additional care and services she receives to come for free when she is very comfortable financially.

If it was what was agreed then she absolutely should be paying more. She would be paying a hell of alot more to a home to do all those things for her.

Maybe have a family meeting and tell her and the daughter they have to pay £600 to help cover bills, I don't know what the daughter pays but you could either put the difference aside and give back to her to help with a deposit or tell her to leave her payment the same and not tell the mil, just depends if she is good at managing money I guess

It sounds like you and your partner have done an awful lot to get her in the best possible physical and mental health which is great. Google tells me PIP usually stops at state pension age so 66 for your (let's call her your) MIL. So she is still young?

What does she think her good income, savings and the funds from a house sale are for if she isn't paying her way in life? Does she think it's her daughter's 'duty' to look after her and provide everything? Does she even know her income way exceeds her expenditure? Many women who previously let a husband take care of things don't have much knowledge of their finances.

The best message would be from both daughters together or just your DP. I would with your DP draw up a costing of a house share rent (or even sheltered flat rent) plus all bills, food, cleaning, any care given at minimum wage etc. this is what it would cost her to live somewhere else. It is probably going to be £1k plus.

Then, ideally with her other daughter's support, sit her down and have her daughter not you say that you believe in looking after family and sharing what you have such as your home etc but you give so much of your time and change the way you live that £400 does not cover what you do for her. Your DP might be working more or pursuing hobbies if she wasn't caring for her mother.

The daughters should give her a financial review at the same time 'Your income is £2k and you have £200k in savings so this will not affect your life at all. You have everything you need for the rest of your life including any future care costs and Daughter1 needs to be adequately compensated for looking after you.'

If she complains jokingly ask what she needs the money for as she can't take it with her when she goes.

You should also consider that if she underpays you for the next 10 years, then has a stroke or something that requires her to move to a nursing home and all money goes on care you won't be able to say you need £30k back for her not paying her way over the last decade. Looking after her now doesn't mean there won't be a care home bill in the future that eats all her capital up.

OP how much is it costing you to have her living with you. Take out the fixed costs like council tax and TV licence as they will be the same regardless, so food and additional heating, is that really £600 a month? I think the implications in your posts are you want to be paid above what the real costs are because you have to do things like cook a meal for 4 instead of for 3 which comes across as very petty.

If taking her to appointments is the issue then let her get hospital transport or a taxi.