To be concerned about DP "fantasy"

@Summersunshine1234

For most people fantasies should remain just that!

If you don't want to know about someone's fantasies, then don't ask about their fantasies.

I don’t think you should be concerned because it’s just a fantasy in her head and also she’s done it, so it probably does have the same draw as something she’s never done. I somewhat understand how you feel, once my ex shared a fantasy that I found gross. I can’t lie, it did make me see him differently for a bit and made me feel a bit icky, but in the end I got over it and realised it’s just a fantasy and he shared it because I asked. Now as a rule if I’m going into that conversation with someone I keep in mind they may well say something I don’t like, or even find actively gross. We all say “don’t ask questions you don’t want to know the answer to” but it’s human nature to be nosey and I think you have to lean the hard way there are some things you maybe don’t want to know.

Why did you ask then? She hasn't demanded you have one has she? Odd discussion to engage in given you weren't open to her response and had nothing to contribute yourself. Seems like you were looking for an argument.

I think if you are going to have these kinds of conversation, you really do have to be prepared to hear something completely unexpected. We don't always know everything about our partners even when we think we do.
But don't make her feel bad for being truthful - she trusted you with what is essentially a private thing.

I hope you didn't react badly, you asked her and she told you

You don't actually have any fantasies but you brought it up as a topic of conversation, asked your OP about hers and when she told you, you got upset?

Nah mate.

I'm a guy, and even though im heading straight into a dead bedroom, having a threesome still isn't a fantasy of mine.

I understand how you feel though, because maybe you were expecting your partner to be more sexually aligned to yourself?

OP, I don’t necessarily agree with everyone saying along the lines of “you asked, so you can’t be annoyed by the answer,” as I assume it’s an answer you totally weren’t expecting.

My partner and I often discuss our fantasies and its usually things like “let’s experiment with feet, let’s try xyz role play, let’s get a blindfold, let’s have sex outdoors” sort of chat. I’d be devastated if he suddenly said in one of these conversations that he wants to being a third person in. I think there’s a HUGE difference, and I bet you just weren’t expecting the fantasy to be that “big.”

My DP has had MFF threesomes in the past and it’s definitely one of his fantasies. I never have, and while I may fantasise about it (MFM) I don’t think the reality would be for me, as I don’t have huge body confidence so I’d have to hide my wobbly bits from two men at the same time!

We’ve talked about other fantasies (and also have private ones of course that we don’t always share!) but a lot of the time the thought of it is more fun than the reality would likely be. Eg doing something outside sounds like a huge turn on but the logistics of it , planning where, when, finding somewhere comfortable and not being seen etc make it a bit awkward. I thought we might when we went away for a weekend to a remote cottage but then there were tractors in the field next door and a campsite at the end of our garden!!

Similarly I thought we might do stuff in the woods on a little walk we went on lately but he didn’t take my hints and I think he’d be paranoid about people seeing us, so I’ll continue to fantasise about it without actually having to do it.

You asked and she told you - maybe use that as a story to whisper in her ear while you’re together to add a little spice without actually having to open up the relationship.

I don't know why you assume op is male, I thought they were gf & gf.

Ok. Two possibilities.

She has heard that any man would give his left nut for a threesome and thought suggesting it would be a turn on. (Working with the assumption you are a man of course, if you're also a woman my apologies)

Or she's genuinely into it (given she's tried it in the past that's fairly likely) and has just been honest with you because you asked!

Either way she's not saying "if we don't have a threesome this relationship is over" so... have a proper chat about it, you should be able to do that given you're in a sexual relationship. See if there's ways you can play with the idea while remaining monogamous (dirty talk, roleplay, toys etc),

OR if it's completely hard line off the table and not something you're interested in exploring at all (which is completely fine and valid!) make that clear and affirm that you're still into each other and happy with the status quo and "standard sex". It's not unusual for people to have fantasies in a relationship that their partner is unwilling or unable to fulfill, the relationship can still be completely successful and happy. Just communicate, don't let it fester!

There's nothing wrong with having fantasies and he literally asked. And also contributed nothing to the conversation (no fantasies of his own) and feels left behind.

Sorry OP, it might make you feel inadequate but a fantastic is what it says on the tin.

Yes, because we'd be unfairly biased against him (i.e wrong) because we put ourselves in his female partner's shoes.

We'd have had a few LTBs by now.

I really feel like if the DP had been a man saying his fantasy is a threesome that the responses here would be VERY different.

You asked! She hasn't approached you and asked you to do this.

I fantasise about threesomes, I would absolutely point blank not have one whilst in a relationship, I would be far too insecure for that. That's why it's a fantasy. It's imagination.

No I don't think you have anything to worry about considering the topic of conversation.

It's not like she sprung this on you out of nowhere.... or after having sex, if so then you should be worried 😂

Where did you think that conversation was going?

Oh FFS. The conversation was about fantasies. This isn't even an issue!

Pretty standard fantasy. You said no, she dropped it. I don't see the issue. I'd be more concerned about someone having no fantasies at all tbh, it's like saying you've no dream holiday destinations or no bucket list experiences. "I'm just happy with what I have" is a boring mind set for me, let's explore and try new things and keep life and sex exciting.

Threesomes are great, foursomes are better, it's not about wanting something or someone else, it's about wanting more of what you have, well it is when you already have a great sex life, I've definitely met people who are introducing other people because one of them is unsatisfied by the other.

Why ask about fantasies if you're gonna judge it? Besides rape and child abuse no fantasy is wrong, it's a fantasy.

Talking about a fantasy is not the same as actually doing it. You asked, she told. If you're afraid of the answer don't ask the question.

The way she said it makes me think it's hardly her burning desire. It's the most common one I'd imagine. If you think you're going to worry what people say when you ask such questions you just just leave the subject alone.

Not really a fantasy if she has already experienced it

What's your concern? She can't actually make you have a threesome.