secretive about "good" A level grades to family.

They either did not quite get what she wanted or your family (not necessarily you!) has a habit of comparing children (I know mine does).

I was the A* student in my family. It definitely caused a rift between my dad and his siblings when my cousins did not do as well. Certain family members started picking on me for being fat (I really wasn't) and not sporty enough to put me down, while praising my cousins who excelled at sports.

It damaged by self esteem no end. It still makes me really upset, 20 years later.

What are they making them out to be?

Sharing with Auntie Jill is one thing, sharing with Auntie Jill who has 3 kids, has had 2 lots of A Level results already and has a weird chip on her shoulder about whether her kids or her sister's kids are the favoured grandchildren is quite another.

Of course it doesn't

The OP is just being nosey and trying to wrap it up under the guise of closeness.

Anyone with half a brain can see right through the OP.

I agree with this. My son gets his GCSE results on Thursday. I also have a nephew getting his. My sister is super competitive so I'm very tempted just to say whether or not he did well enough to get to his first choice sixth form.

Although DS will probably exchange grade info with his cousin anyway - they are close

I certainly won't be publishing exact grades on Facebook. I'd imagine quite a few of your relative's Facebook friends have children who just got their A Level results too so they may be being sensitive to those who perhaps didn't do as well as they had hoped. When you see them/talk to them privately OP, they may be more open to telling you.

I think the results aren’t as good as they’re making out.

My sons were adults and so it is their business to share and not mine. One chose to and one didn't. I think it's odd that people want to know the exact grades.

Well done to your sister for keeping it to herself.

Its absolutely none of your business unless you are able to help her secure a place in her chosen uni which I very much doubt.

I intend to do the same with my children.

DS is incredibly intrusive and other family members have not shared their kid's results with her which infuriates her. She doesn't have the self awareness to reflect why they didn't share details and has done her best to find out by asking various people.

We keep it secret. Have found that people only want to know to be nosy and compare with their own children’s results.
I have one SIL who has been boasting about her wonder kid’s performance for their whole life. They are only happy if their kid is better than ours. We prefer to step out of the competition and keep our results private.

Same here. None of the DGPs have a clue about the new numbers as DS1 and DNs did GCSEs in the days of letter grades. DS2 seems confident but if he’s disappointed on Thursday and doesn’t want exact results divulging, then I will be fending off any enquiries and reiterating how proud we are of him.

Ah, pull the other one. 😂Just be happy for her and stop being nosy.

You could just be pleased for your DN and leave it at that? Loads of friends shared their DCs grades on social media. I don't share much anyway and would never share anything like this anyway, partly because it's braggy and partly because it's not my news to share. I got an 'aw I saw you didn't share anything on FB, did DD not do as well as she hoped?' message from someone and was a bit gobsmacked. I replied with 'yep, she did great and got into her first choice uni thanks'. I then got a 'Grades???' response. Like I was going to respond to that. 😂

I think it’s nice not to say the actual grade.

I got AAA, my twin got AAA and my younger sister got A*AB (one of our parents is Indian and put a lot of pressure on us). Family expected to hear the actual individual breakdowns which imo is not necessary. Exams are a very personal thing.

My DC's exam results were one of the nails in the coffin of my relationship with my mother.
She thinks anything less than all 9s (GCSE) or A stars (A Level) is "very poor" and "dreadful".
My DC didn't get these results and it was seeing her inability to be happy for them because they hadn't met her impossible standard that tipped me over the edge. (She knows their GCSE results but not their A Levels after her reaction to GCSE).

It is not unreasonable to impose a boundary that your mother not be told your DD's results but purely that she worked hard and you are very proud.

How on earth does it make you any closer knowing her results? You seriously need to get a grip.

As you can tell from just this thread, not everyone sees things the way you do. Everyone decides for themselves what they want to do. You have no more right to this information than they have to keep it private. And frankly it’s people wanting to know that make me not want to tell.

Well obviously results wouldn't be shared if the individual concerned didn't want them to.

And it's only between close family, not friends, acquaintances and definitely not on social media.

This completely. It's totally the DCs choice to share or not share, for crying out loud.

Maybe it's me just wanting to feel closer as a family.

How do you think that would happen? I don't know what A Level grades my husband or parents got, and I'm pretty sure it wouldn't bring me closer to them if they told me. I didn't feel closer to my own kids when they told me their results - why would I?

It's not a family event, it's her academic record. You couldn't add anything to her life by knowing the details.

DD did better than all of her friends and I think it is unfair to rub people's noses in it, so I just put a general well done on my socials.

Why? Do you share your salary with your family?

some people think of their results as very personal. They have their own personal motions around them.

whh is it weird that people are different to you?

Good post. Good explanation of all angles.

But it's such a shame you're parents make people feel that way.

Both of mine were teachers. Dad maths and mum primary.

They always had a good laugh about what O levels they did and didn't pass and were totally accepting of any grade. Maybe because they understood grades don't equate to effort?

But what about respecting the person whose results are. Being shared wishes? What if that one person doesn’t want to share?

families don’t think as one unit. It’s important to teach young people they can have reasonable boundaries and those boundaries will be respected.

if someone in my family didn’t want their results discussed we would all respect that. Indeed we did with 11 plus results. So much pressure. We baked the child’s wishes over our curiosity

By 18 .. I wouldn’t tell anyone . It’s not my information to share .

its her decision who to share and not share with

@Hoppinggreen because it would cause lots of drama and damage the relationship. I do love dm but I'll see what she gets and make a call then. To be honest, dm doesn't understand the numbers anyway. If I tell her then I'll be very firm, dd1 worked bloody hard and I'm super proud of the young lady she is.