Page 5 | To think that they had no self-awareness? (It's a child-free wedding one)

Daisyoopsies · 2024-08-19T10:03:30+00:00

One of my close relatives got married last year. It was child free but I was breastfeeding. I asked him if husband could bring baby to venue car park so I could breastfeed and then take baby away again during the day (it was in the middle of no-where) so that I could still attend and he said no because it was unfair on other guests. Fair enough. We decided to decline. They've just had a baby and got invite to a child-free wedding and BROUGHT THE BABY ANYWAY and are now appalled that they were asked to leave. Do people have no self-awareness? Do people just not care about things until it affects them?

JudgeJ · 19/08/2024 13:51

DecafDodger · 19/08/2024 11:15

well but my situation is clearly special and exceptional.

Exactly, nothing applies to Moi !

easylikeasundaymorn · 19/08/2024 13:51

CleansUpButWouldPreferNotTo · 19/08/2024 13:32

Yes. In the OP. Because they got thrown out:

They've just had a baby and got invite to a child-free wedding and BROUGHT THE BABY ANYWAY and are now appalled that they were asked to leave.

Show quote history

I'm always confused when people are soooo eager to jump in and input their valuable opinions (usually to try and catch the OP out) that they don't even bother to read the post they are replying to and then look like utter muppets.

I understand people dont read every single post on a thread (although really if a thread is several hundred pages long I would probably at least skim to check someone hadn't likely already made the comment I would have made once...or several times....before)

I don't really understand why people dont at least read all the OPs posts before commenting to avoid a CANCEL THE CHEQUE scenario, particularly when MN could not make it any easier to do so

But there is no justification at all for not even reading the opening post properly!

OP good on the wedding couple for chucking them out! Did they explain their rationale....were they completely aware that it was child free but thought their babu was an exception or what? I would understand a bit more if they were complaining to you that they'd had to refuse an invite because the wedding was child free albeit it would still be a "what comes around" moment (your mum is a legend btw!) but the audacity of them, unlike you, NOT rejecting it but rocking up anyway with baby in tow is what makes them ultimate cheeky, rather than just oblivious, fuckers!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 19/08/2024 13:49

Daisyoopsies · 19/08/2024 11:41

I didn't say anything but my mum was with me when they were telling us the story (we weren't at the wedding they went to, they were telling us about it afterwards, seemingly having forgotten what they did to us a year ago!) and my mum just said "what goes around comes around then" (she's much braver than me!) and they changed topic VERY quickly.

It's very passive aggressive but the way I got my own back was to politely decline when they asked if I wanted to hold the baby... it's not the baby's fault, I was just angry in the moment and was just thinking "I'm not going to literally physically support your baby when you wouldn't support us when we were in the trenches..."

Strangely now I'm no longer annoyed at them for not letting me go last year, I think I they've probably understood my frustration now!

Your mum's retort was spot on. Your refusal to hold the baby wasn't, it was a bit petty. It wouldn't have been perceived as anything but a slight and you wouldn't have been making the point that you wanted to, sorry.

AnneElliott · 19/08/2024 13:49

To be honest I wouldn't have asked about my husband bribing a Brest fed baby to a car park! I mean you food have gone out for a smoke or to buy a snack ( many weddings where you don't get fed for ages). I just don't see how the B&G have control over what you do in a public place!

But of course they are cheeky fuckers with no self awareness.

piccolorhinoceros · 19/08/2024 13:46

@OooohAhhhh I think child free weddings in general are all a bit entitled tbh.

Yes, I agree couples planning and paying for the event are entitled to have the event they choose. Oh is that not what you meant..?

Tagyoureit · 19/08/2024 13:39

Rosscameasdoody · 19/08/2024 11:07

To be honest I think anyone who insists on a child free wedding hasn’t much awareness of the difficulties of parenting. I understand that they don’t want a baby crying in the middle of the ceremony, but I’ve been to plenty of weddings were babies were present, and the mums quietly took them out if they were fussing. I don’t think it’s a big deal. But to answer your question, yes, definitely CF’s to turn up with the baby despite knowing it was child free, especially after being so unreasonable about your own breastfed baby to the point where you had to decline the invitation.

Edited

I had a child free wedding except for my 2 who were 8 and 3 at the time.

My friend's kid is a brat and and I didn't want him ruining my wedding as he done to birthday parties etc before by behaving badly when he doesn't get his own way. His parents accepted the invite, I told them it was due to cost as we had a small wedding, less than 20 guests.

101Nutella · 19/08/2024 13:37

I wouldn’t have asked permission to feed my child. Been in similar position. Didn’t bring baby in to dinner / ceremony but did feed in between.

fair enough they have chosen child free wedding but they don’t control the car park or every minute of your time during their day.

YANBU of course. It’s wild they have that little self awareness. I would mention it and say ‘that’s why I couldn’t come as I needed to feed my child and you said no’.

being fair isn’t doing the same thing for everyone. Not everyone is solely feeding via a boob so not every child needs to be in close proximity to a boob for survival.

I have greater understanding of what child free weddings mean for guests now I’ve had a child so I wouldn’t choose to leave them out if I could afford it.

EatingHealthy · 19/08/2024 13:36

DancingNotDrowning · 19/08/2024 13:20

People rarely have self awareness when it comes to babies and weddings.

DH and I were the youngest in our friend group to have babies. When DS was 14 weeks we were asked to leave him at home for a wedding. I was put under a lot of pressure to go to the wedding - and I genuinely wanted to - but as soon as I got to the reception (beautiful big marquee in the grounds of the brides family home (middle of nowhere and so what reliant on the transport they’d put on!) I realised I’d made a terrible mistake.

about an hour later I noticed another guest had her (slightly older) baby with her and I was devastated. It really hurt me. That was 18mths ago and I still think poorly of her.

Do you know if the other baby had actually been invited though or was it a CF who had brought her child even though the child wasn't invited?

Original poster

Daisyoopsies · 19/08/2024 13:35

@RockahulaRocks I actually had a dog-(and child-) friendly wedding and now my MiL is upset because she can't bring her dog to her niece's wedding 😝 I think she kind of hoped we'd started a new family trend.

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Cherrysoup · 19/08/2024 13:34

gardenmusic · 19/08/2024 12:21

Reminds me of a wedding I went to. I was the plus one, it was his colleague's wedding. There were a couple of children there, but the 2 bridesmaids were her adult sisters.
Another colleague turned up with her little girl in a full on bridesmaid dress, clutching a silver horseshoe. Nothing like the bridal choices. They were not in contact outside work!
Kept trying to insinuate her child into the photo's. Called the photographer over to take child's picture numerous times. Young child had no idea she was a rogue bridesmaid.
When the woman was questioned by the bride's mother she replied that she had put her in the frock as she had been a bridesmaid recently, and had the dress.

That’s insane!

Original poster

Daisyoopsies · 19/08/2024 13:33

@RockahulaRocks just wow... wow!

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DancingPhantomsOnTheTerrace · 19/08/2024 13:32

RockahulaRocks · 19/08/2024 13:29

Ooh this reminds me slightly of a child-free wedding I was a bridesmaid at last year where the groom’s cousin flying in from Canada wasn’t allowed to bring her 3 month old to the wedding or to the venue (as it would be “unfair for her to be distracted from the point of the wedding”), all of his Australian family were told to leave their kids at home, and I was nearly thrown out of the wedding party for suggesting DH may not be able to come when childcare fell through for our 3 year old.

A year later, it all kicked off when they unexpectedly brought their excitable dog along to someone else’s wedding because their favoured pet-sitter was on holiday and they didn’t trust anyone else to look after him.

They just turned up with a dog!! To a wedding! How self involved can you get.

(Obviously I wouldn't apply this to a service dog)

CleansUpButWouldPreferNotTo · 19/08/2024 13:32

randomchap · 19/08/2024 11:15

Maybe they spoke to the bride and groom beforehand and it was agreed. Do you know that it wasn't?

Yes. In the OP. Because they got thrown out:

They've just had a baby and got invite to a child-free wedding and BROUGHT THE BABY ANYWAY and are now appalled that they were asked to leave.

Original poster

Daisyoopsies · 19/08/2024 13:31

@stayathomer I guess that's another side of it. I suppose realising in advance that you're not invited (because unfortunately "child-free" and EBFing aren't great bed mates) to a wedding is probably no where near as harsh and being told to go home once you're there. But to be fair, they were warned...

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LesMisSaigon · 19/08/2024 13:30

My own sister was like that at her wedding. Insisted it was child free, only exception was her DBil newborn, and her God daughter bridesmaid. She was really rude to out cousin who couldn't attend due to lack of childcare.( All his side of family were at the wedding , and because they lived 8 hours away didn't want to leave their young children overnight with elderly inlaws. ) Cue 6 years later when ever DSis gets invited to child free weddings she comes out with her " Well f*ck them, if my kids aren't invited I'm attending" I remind her of her own child free wedding and she just mumbles under her breath🤔

Cherrysoup · 19/08/2024 13:29

randomchap · 19/08/2024 11:15

Maybe they spoke to the bride and groom beforehand and it was agreed. Do you know that it wasn't?

Well clearly it wasn’t given they were asked to leave.

RockahulaRocks · 19/08/2024 13:29

Ooh this reminds me slightly of a child-free wedding I was a bridesmaid at last year where the groom’s cousin flying in from Canada wasn’t allowed to bring her 3 month old to the wedding or to the venue (as it would be “unfair for her to be distracted from the point of the wedding”), all of his Australian family were told to leave their kids at home, and I was nearly thrown out of the wedding party for suggesting DH may not be able to come when childcare fell through for our 3 year old.

A year later, it all kicked off when they unexpectedly brought their excitable dog along to someone else’s wedding because their favoured pet-sitter was on holiday and they didn’t trust anyone else to look after him.

Original poster

Daisyoopsies · 19/08/2024 13:29

@Cural that actually might have been a tongue-in-cheek way to remind them, I'm gutted I didn't think of that!

It sounds proper mental when you say it that way around though...

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Original poster

Daisyoopsies · 19/08/2024 13:27

@DancingNotDrowning I did actually ask my parents (who went to the wedding) specifically whether there were any other children and there weren't, to their credit. They really meant no children, not even in the carpark...I would have been furious if that'd been the case. I'm sorry that happened, with all the hormones still somewhat in charge I'm not sure I would have been able to hold back my emotions had I been in your shoes.

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Cural · 19/08/2024 13:25

You missed a trick there OP. You should have asked if they'd offered to feed it in the car park so one of them could stay.

stayathomer · 19/08/2024 13:22

You could look at it another way and say people don’t realise until it effects them, Can’t believe someone was asked to leave a wedding though, humanity just seems to be going lower and lower

DancingNotDrowning · 19/08/2024 13:20

People rarely have self awareness when it comes to babies and weddings.

DH and I were the youngest in our friend group to have babies. When DS was 14 weeks we were asked to leave him at home for a wedding. I was put under a lot of pressure to go to the wedding - and I genuinely wanted to - but as soon as I got to the reception (beautiful big marquee in the grounds of the brides family home (middle of nowhere and so what reliant on the transport they’d put on!) I realised I’d made a terrible mistake.

about an hour later I noticed another guest had her (slightly older) baby with her and I was devastated. It really hurt me. That was 18mths ago and I still think poorly of her.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 19/08/2024 13:20

Daisyoopsies · 19/08/2024 11:36

@JabbaTheBeachHut I love this!!!

I actually only asked because I had initially declined and then he asked if I could find childcare so I could come. I said no but me and husband had been discussing the possibility of feeding in car park so I could still go and so I mentioned this to the groom in our conversation and he said no because it'd be unfair if any other parents saw this and thought I was getting special treatment (?!?!) so I left it. Honestly... I think if other parents had seen a mum breastfeeding a baby in the back of a car at a wedding they would have more than understood...)

Honestly, I wish at the time back then, or at the time more recently, you'd have quipped back to this idiot relative of yours that making a close relative breastfeed her baby in a carpark is the opposite of special treatment, and that it wouldn't have been unfair on other parents, it was only unfair on you and your baby. What an utter muppet he is.

If I'd been a guest at his wedding and seen you having to breastfeed in your car, I'd have been appalled at the B&G. I'd probably have gone to your car, ushered you both inside, then passive aggressively said "can you believe this woman wasn't allowed to bring her EBF baby to the wedding of her XXX relative?"

Anyway, he's a muppet, and I hope he has realised "karma", after your Mum's quick-witted quip.

OooohAhhhh · 19/08/2024 13:19

Splendid!
I'm not normally so nasty but I'm so pleased they got turned away.
How dare they begrudge you only breastfeeding your baby - in the car park!
This couple are the definition of "serves them right"
Imagine how annoyed they would have been as-well with getting all ready - for nothing!
I think child free weddings in general are all a bit entitled tbh.

DancingPhantomsOnTheTerrace · 19/08/2024 13:14

They've just had a baby and got invite to a child-free wedding and BROUGHT THE BABY ANYWAY and are now appalled that they were asked to leave.

I LOVE that the bride and groom of this second wedding asked them to leave. They probably thought that if they just didn't ask and turned up with the baby anyway, no one would do anything about it.