ML wants to spend anniversary with us

Our anniversary was the one time we went away just us for the weekend, leaving the kids behind! No y would I spend it with my mil (or even my own mother).

No it’s just for the two of you. Unless it’s a big anniversary and you decide to throw a party.

Can your DH ask her to babysit your DS so you can both go out for a meal? If she's inviting you both round, you know she's definitely going to be at home.

In our family, anniversary is a family celebration. The couple usually hosts and everyone else comes to dinner but there have been instances when parents hosted. We are a very close family and celebrate more things together. So no, I wouldn't find it strange.

It's fine. We sometimes do our anniversary dinner on our own and sometimes we invite DS and MIL. Not weird to offer to host you for dinner.

No, no, no and errr no.

Celebrate your love with your husband xx

Well it may be a kind offer, or she may just be muscling in. You know her better, and by the sound of things you think the latter.

My MIL was similar, always suggesting things to do to celebrate DH & I family occasions, but really just looking to be included. If she wasn’t she found a way to ruin the moment with repeat phone calls or health crises. I totally understood this for DH’ birthday, Mother’s Day etc, but my own birthday, anniversary , totally off limits.

No but I think her buying extra mother’s day presents is quite kind.

I think your response should be something along these lines....

Actually MIL we want a romantic celebration for just the 2 of us, I am sure you understand. If you are free that evening though, it would be wonderful if you could babysit.

It's not really relevant what other people do.

She's made a nice offer and you're both free to turn it down, and tell her you have your own plans.

Assuming she’s not holding a gun to your head, I can’t really see a problem? She invited you, you can either accept or decline. If you would rather spend it just the two of you, then say that. I’m not sure what you’d say if you ‘raised it’… ‘please don’t invite us to your house on days that we don’t want to go’?

It’s optional. Some people like to celebrate with other people some people don’t.

It’s the anniversary of a day that you spent celebrating your love with a lot of people (presumably).

The early ones you’re more likely to want to spend with eachother. I imagine as time passes, celebrating with family becomes more common. Maybe she’s lonely? Or feels the need to be included and still feel important? I’d just say no that you’ve already made plans

My dh would always say “ I’ll have to ask 2chocolateoranges if we have plans and get back to you” then when he goes back it’s me that’s made to look like the bad one as we have plans.

we have always spent our anniversary together unless dh working away.

I think some parents struggle with not being the "head" of the family anymore. You're her family, in her family it's her responsibility to plan and celebrate special occasions.

Just say no, you'll be arranging something yourselves. She'll let go of the reins over time if she's being nice enough otherwise.

I don’t think it’s overstepping or wrong to ask you. As it’s not what you want to do, just politely decline and leave it at that.

It possibly comes from the fact that it becomes less of a big deal the more anniversaries that you have until it reaches the bigger numbers and then often people do celebrate with their family.

my ML asked my husband as she was leaving if he wanted to come to her house for our anniversary for dinner

I don't think she was overstepping by just asking if you'd like to come over and have a meal cooked for you. It would be weird if she expected it, though. Or was hurt/offended that you said you already had plans.

I think for most people, an anniversary is something you usually just celebrate as a couple. Or it's a 'big' anniversary - silver, ruby, golden or whatever - then people might have a party or a big family/friends meal or something.

I'm sure some families do things differently though, so I guess it's just what people are used to. I've certainly seen people on Mumsnet arguing about whether you have to send an anniversary card to family members, for instance - in my family, it's just the married couple who exchange anniversary cards, but in some families it's the norm for siblings, parents etc to send the couple a card.

In short, YANBU not to want to spend your anniversary with your MIL. She wasn't BU to ask, but would BU if she expected it or was pissed off that you said no.

I would say that you want to spend your actual anniversary just the two of you, but appreciate the offer - could you please go on another date to celebrate with her.

Why do you care if it’s ‘normal’? Just do what you want to do for your anniversary. If you’d like to go to your ILs’ for dinner, do that. If not, do something you would both like.

I don’t think it’s “weird” as such though - if she’s close enough to offer something like this, she’s close enough to say “no thank you, we would like to celebrate wedding anniversaries just the two of us. We’d love to come another day though.”