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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to wear a mask again in my classroom

487 replies

EmsHugs · 19/08/2024 08:05

Would like to know AIBU to not give in to this parent demand.

I am in my second trimester but still quite small so not told many people as we still have some tests etc and i am listed as high risk. It is my first pregnancy after years of infertility, failed IVf and and I am being super cautious. Before the summer when I was in the early weeks of my pregnancy I caught covid and was very ill so since returning to school I have chosen to wear a mask, particularly as I have still to get several of the vaccinations like flu, whooping cough etc.

A parent of a child has put in a complaint and said I should remove the mask because it makes their child anxious but I have said while I am sorry their child does not like the mask, due to current health issues I will not. They have now made accusations that I am a poor teacher and not respectful of their child's issues, however as a high school teacher I have over 500 pupils in and out my classroom every week and want to every precaution I can to protect my baby. The school are aware why I am doing this and said they will explain to the parent but several of my colleagues, friends and family members are still not awaresi am pregnant so I do not particularly feel I should have to divulge this to a parent and that stating my health concerns should be sufficient. I have even sat with the child and explained that I wear the mask to protect myself and that I need to wear it for now but that may change later but I appreciate them being understanding. The pupil seemed to be okay but the parent continues to be adament and I believe it is because I have immediately not given into them and stood my ground.

The stress of this parent sending complaints everytime this child is in my class 4 times a week, is getting me very stressed so I would like to know:

AIBU to not divulge at the moment the reason I need to wear a mask
AINBU the parent needs to realise they cannot get everything they want.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Mirandamermaid · 19/08/2024 16:05

Werweisswohin · 19/08/2024 15:59

I'm not sure that's true tbh.

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Well, it’s a mask or a teaching assistant covering her classes.

Werweisswohin · 19/08/2024 15:59

JustAVeryWeirdWoman · 19/08/2024 15:52

Frankly most of the responses on this thread just show how badly the British public has been let down by public health information.

Indeed.

Werweisswohin · 19/08/2024 15:59

LuckySantangelo35 · 19/08/2024 15:54

@Mumoftwo1316

OP can do what she likes 👍

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I'm not sure that's true tbh.

Flossyts · 19/08/2024 15:57

Truthfully, whilst they are excellent at preventing you spreading an infection, they are much less effective at stopping you getting one.

Original poster
EmsHugs · 19/08/2024 15:55

Mumoftwo1316 · 19/08/2024 15:43

Op has spoken to her GP who didn't specifically recommend masking (but implied she could if she wanted). The GP also didn't suggest bringing the standard vaccines forward.

Op is doing all this outside and beyond medical advice. Perhaps partly due to Internet misinformation about "Covid weakening our immune systems".

Mainstream medical advice is for pregnant women to live their lives as normal. Including catching the ordinary amount of coughs and colds that you would usually catch.

No you are wrong. GP and midwife both said it was okay and while my GP was quite laid back at first after consultation with the midwife said it would be a 'sensible precaution'. The Whooping and RSV are being done exactly when they should as I don't believe they are done earlier. My local GP has me getting Flu and Covid in the first week my surgery offers them.

OP posts:
LuckySantangelo35 · 19/08/2024 15:54

Mumoftwo1316 · 19/08/2024 15:43

Op has spoken to her GP who didn't specifically recommend masking (but implied she could if she wanted). The GP also didn't suggest bringing the standard vaccines forward.

Op is doing all this outside and beyond medical advice. Perhaps partly due to Internet misinformation about "Covid weakening our immune systems".

Mainstream medical advice is for pregnant women to live their lives as normal. Including catching the ordinary amount of coughs and colds that you would usually catch.

@Mumoftwo1316

OP can do what she likes 👍

JustAVeryWeirdWoman · 19/08/2024 15:52

Frankly most of the responses on this thread just show how badly the British public has been let down by public health information.

Jjiillkkf · 19/08/2024 15:51

Mirandamermaid · 19/08/2024 14:40

Masks offer some protection to others but not to the user.

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Well yes exactly that's what I understood, so it's useless? Everyone else needs to wear one. Otherwise it's just a mini comfort blanket

Original poster
EmsHugs · 19/08/2024 15:50

Mumoftwo1316 · 19/08/2024 15:39

If the doctor/midwife has told op she must wear it, then hopefully that sets her mind at rest.

This particular comment of mine was in response to a pp who says people in general are getting summer colds more because covid has weakened our immune system.

That's not mainstream science and therefore is, as far as current understanding goes, misinformation. And in my opinion medical misinformation is harmful.

Specifically I am convinced that isolating from common illnesses is harmful to your newborn.

You can't isolate your newborn (unless you're going to have an unattended home birth and no midwife or family visits, or something) and so the newborn baby will be exposed to colds and other common viruses, so it's better to confer as much immunity to common colds to the unborn baby as possible.

I say this as someone whose newborn had a scary few weeks due to a common cold that his little body couldn't handle well.

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I totally understand your thinking and while common colds etc would have made me a wee bit nervous, I still see the merit in just getting on with it. One of my best friend's is a paediatric consultant and worked through covid in her second pregnancy. She was also vaccinated and masked throughout but she is very common sense led and would say the same however she was very particular that no one visit her newborn if they had any coughs etc and she even worse a mask herself when breastfeeding etc when she had a cold sore as it can be very dangerous to a new baby.
My big concern was just how ill I was from covid earlier this year and even after that a cold during the summer knocked me out. Having already been immuno compromised as a teen, being so cautious during covid due to my FIL and SIL and probably losinga bit of immunity there too then the toll.on my body from IVFs, miscarriages and then severe morning sickness ,I'm just giving myself so extra protection for a bit, atleast until the vaccines next month

OP posts:
Mirandamermaid · 19/08/2024 15:49

EmsHugs · 19/08/2024 14:43

Interestingly my GP, midwife and employer did not think so. Following my hospitalisation for covid in my first trimester, the whooping cough outbreak at my school and my high risk pregnancy, all believed it a sensible precaution until I am at the very least vaccinated in early September.

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Follow the medical advice and let your employer handle the complaining parent. There’s always one. Some really unpleasant comments on this thread. My DD has been floored by Covid recently and isn’t pregnant. Good wishes for the rest of your pregnancy.

Mumoftwo1316 · 19/08/2024 15:43

Op has spoken to her GP who didn't specifically recommend masking (but implied she could if she wanted). The GP also didn't suggest bringing the standard vaccines forward.

Op is doing all this outside and beyond medical advice. Perhaps partly due to Internet misinformation about "Covid weakening our immune systems".

Mainstream medical advice is for pregnant women to live their lives as normal. Including catching the ordinary amount of coughs and colds that you would usually catch.

Mumoftwo1316 · 19/08/2024 15:39

AllTheChaos · 19/08/2024 14:52

It sounds like in this particular pregnancy there are additional risks though due to OP’s immunocompromised status.

Show quote history

If the doctor/midwife has told op she must wear it, then hopefully that sets her mind at rest.

This particular comment of mine was in response to a pp who says people in general are getting summer colds more because covid has weakened our immune system.

That's not mainstream science and therefore is, as far as current understanding goes, misinformation. And in my opinion medical misinformation is harmful.

Specifically I am convinced that isolating from common illnesses is harmful to your newborn.

You can't isolate your newborn (unless you're going to have an unattended home birth and no midwife or family visits, or something) and so the newborn baby will be exposed to colds and other common viruses, so it's better to confer as much immunity to common colds to the unborn baby as possible.

I say this as someone whose newborn had a scary few weeks due to a common cold that his little body couldn't handle well.

Original poster
EmsHugs · 19/08/2024 15:37

firef1y · 19/08/2024 15:20

Sorry but I've simply explained why you wearing a mask would have affected my learning. And tbh all the other stuff you mention, PowerPoint etc, would also have affected my learning and would for many autistic people. Far too many distractions if everyone is "doing their own thing" as opposed to everyone doing the same thing and being actively taught by a teacher.

I am autistic and I have explained to you how people wearing masks has affected my ability to learn and communicate.

Again you are not being unreasonable not to divulge your reason for wearing a mask, but you do need to accept that you are not as effective a teacher while wearing one.

Just to add, that the teachers in the local special schools and autism units here did not wear masks for that very reason

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Respectfully I appreciate you as a learner would have felt as you did and that is fine Everyone's experience was different. However in this instance I am simply pointing out that in my setting I know my pupils and their needs better than you do and as such they have tailored learning plans, depending on what works best for them. As someone with autism you will sppreciate no two pupils are the same so you stating you have autism doesn't mean you know what works best for my subject or pupils and I do not say that to in any way undermine you but I am also using my experience and feedback from a wide range of Austistic pupils, parents and experts too. At my school we continued to wear masks in the units too but pupils did not have to wear them

OP posts:
Keepingongoing · 19/08/2024 15:31

Best wishes for your pregnancy @EmsHugs . Sorry you’ve had such a hard time on here. I completely understand why after years of infertility, a high risk pregnancy and seriously ill with Covid so recently, you would need to reduce the risk of getting it again. Quite apart from any issues for your baby, presumably you wouldn’t want to feel debilitated from Covid for potentially weeks or months as you prepare to give birth.

You sound like a brilliant teacher who’s fully aware of how to meet students’ varying needs. And continuing to teach when you would be totally reasonable in taking time off.

It’s very sad that an individual wearing a mask seems to provoke extreme reactions. The OP wasn’t asking anyone else to wear a mask! Suspect this was something to do with the mixed public health messages during the pandemic, but it’s a sad state of affairs for people who are only trying to protect their health.

LuckySantangelo35 · 19/08/2024 15:30

noblegiraffe · 19/08/2024 12:51

Who’s mental state do you think is the most important in this scenario?

The teacher's. The school needs her in that classroom more than they need to placate a vexatious parent.

@ChristmasPostman

this 👆 Soz

who do you thinks mental state is more important?

firef1y · 19/08/2024 15:20

EmsHugs · 19/08/2024 15:01

I have spoken to all my students individually that have SEN and explained that the can contact me at any point to clarify if they are unsure. For a number if years since lockdown my powerpoints and resources have all had audio and captions so pupils can go back and look at them or wear headphones and listen to that instead of me in class if they prefer. Having had to wear a mask for almost two years of teaching and having been an educator for 18 years I know I am effective and can recognise quite quickly when a pupil is not understanding it. The first 5 years of my teaching was spent primarily in an SEN and autism unit, so in that regard I do not feel my mask wearing will be an issue

Show quote history

Sorry but I've simply explained why you wearing a mask would have affected my learning. And tbh all the other stuff you mention, PowerPoint etc, would also have affected my learning and would for many autistic people. Far too many distractions if everyone is "doing their own thing" as opposed to everyone doing the same thing and being actively taught by a teacher.

I am autistic and I have explained to you how people wearing masks has affected my ability to learn and communicate.

Again you are not being unreasonable not to divulge your reason for wearing a mask, but you do need to accept that you are not as effective a teacher while wearing one.

Just to add, that the teachers in the local special schools and autism units here did not wear masks for that very reason

Sideorderofchips · 19/08/2024 15:15

Why do so many people seem to have decided that a child not liking a
Teacher wearing a mask would trump the teachers medical need to wear one?

Op I'm guessing you are a science teacher or similar due to your comments about no supply teachers. It is better than you are there in a mask then a general supply teacher teaching a core subject at gcse.

firef1y · 19/08/2024 15:14

Perhaps you could ask MN to change your post title. Because it definitely meant I went in to the post thinking you were asking if you were unreasonable for wearing a mask. And that thought has stuck in my mind

itsgettingweird · 19/08/2024 15:07

Those saying FFP grade masks are useless may want to inform all those wearing them to stop inhaling dust!

The exact use of them is prevent you from inhaling something that can impact your respiratory system!

Charlieeeeee · 19/08/2024 15:06

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

itsgettingweird · 19/08/2024 15:03

catchingzzzeds · 19/08/2024 09:00

Some of these comments 🙄 Have some empathy and respect for the OP!

Some parents are so entitled and have ridiculous expectations of teachers. Your child's feelings do not trump those of their teacher. Masks were worn in schools throughout the pandemic and teaching was adapted and continued.

If my child had an issue with a mask wearing teacher I would explain that there will be a good reason and to respect their choice.

👏👏👏👏

Totally agree.

The parent needs to be told it's for a health need, it's none of her business and her child can be moved class if it's affecting them.

Original poster
EmsHugs · 19/08/2024 15:01

firef1y · 19/08/2024 14:55

YANBU to not disclose why you want to wear a mask, but I do think you need to consider how effective you are at teaching a whole class (or single student) while wearing one.

I don't have hearing loss, I have autism and people wearing masks means I struggle to understand them.
Firstly because I don't understand nuances and while I'm not good at body language either, being able to see someone's mouth when they're talking at least gives me a clue.
But more important, I have sensory processing issues, I struggle to concentrate on a voice among other audible distractions (such as a clock ticking) when the voice isn't muffled. If the voice is muffled by a mask then I don't stand a chance.
And there are lots out there like me with similar sensory issues, many not yet diagnosed.

I have spoken to all my students individually that have SEN and explained that the can contact me at any point to clarify if they are unsure. For a number if years since lockdown my powerpoints and resources have all had audio and captions so pupils can go back and look at them or wear headphones and listen to that instead of me in class if they prefer. Having had to wear a mask for almost two years of teaching and having been an educator for 18 years I know I am effective and can recognise quite quickly when a pupil is not understanding it. The first 5 years of my teaching was spent primarily in an SEN and autism unit, so in that regard I do not feel my mask wearing will be an issue

OP posts:
Wavescrashingonthebeach · 19/08/2024 14:59

EmsHugs · 19/08/2024 14:53

@Wavescrashingonthebeach honestly should have known better myself than go on MN. Feel bad enough I'm leaving just after their mocks but this morning has been horrible from some people. I don't like when people say people are trolls when they simply disagree but there honestly are some nasty people on this who I really hope are not like that in real life.

It's sad isn't it. Please don't feel bad about leaving your students after their mocks! You sound like an amazing teacher!
Honestly though, pregnancy hormones and sarky little remarks on here mix as well as oil and water! It's weird stuff that wouldn't normally bother you in the slightest can get to you. You're only trying to do what's best for your health and your baby any one can see that- and people can RESPECTFULLY agree to disagree with each other

ChildlessCatLadiesRuleOK · 19/08/2024 14:57

If you were wearing a t-shirt with a political slogan or obviously sexualised clothing, the parent might reasonably object, but it's absurd to object to a mask on the basis that little Johnny does not like it.

QuestionableMouse · 19/08/2024 14:57

Leavetheminthebowl · 19/08/2024 08:21

You don't need a mask. It's not going to prevent you from getting ill.

Even in the height of Covid, I didn't wear one to teach in during my pregnancy. It's so difficult to teach well with a mask on - pupils need to be able to read your facial expressions.

I understand your anxiety about getting ill but a mask isn't going to help.

That depends on the mask, surely?