Blocked on Insta

I’m not sure that’s an excuse… You aren’t vetting him. You don’t get a say, really, however much you’d like to. You could think he’s the biggest tool on the planet, but unless your daughter asks your permission, you’ll need to smile and nod and just be there to pick up the pieces. Otherwise you’ll hugely increase his attraction. All teens love the “world is against us” narrative.

But I’d probably block you for this too. I have a public work instagram. It can’t be private, or it’d be a pointless marketing tool. I wouldn’t want my girlfriends mum trawling through it, and potentially affecting who the algorithm thought my target audience was, and therefore reach and ad costs, etc.

And it’s just really weird to think that your partners mum is scrolling through years old posts. It is no faux pas for him to have blocked you here.

You can always tell him that he’s no longer welcome at yours, but I suspect you’ll see your daughter a lot less too…

I'm amazed that given your daughter is now an adult she hasn't ended contact with you.

You really think that stalking your daughter’s boyfriend is similar to a recruitment check? And that he should make his whole profile private for everyone just because he doesn’t walk to be stalked by one person: his gf’s mum?

Why should he have to change his privacy settings when blocking you is a much easier solution?

I’d be very surprised if he hasn’t already mentioned to your DD that you’ve been checking his profile and he’s blocked you.

Keep to the old adage... just because you CAN doesn't mean you should.

And stop being so nosey, what difference would it make if you found out he was a lothario (my word of the week!). Talk to them when they are around, but don't go looking... would you look through his phone? His wallet? If they are laying around open in your house?

I’m now ten-years married to the 27 year old boyfriend I had at 19. So I don’t find it at all peculiar.

(We have a great relationship, if there is any imbalance of power it tilts towards me slightly, I’m now the higher earner and he does more than half of the housework - so I’m pretty sure it’s not just my rose tinted glasses!).

There aren't any genuine apps that show you who has looked at your profile, for privacy reasons they don't exist. Any that claims to is fake.

Your poor daughter. You'll be the MIL/mum they post about on here in a few years.

But you aren’t recruiting him for a job. Do you not trust that your daughter, who is a consenting adult, has explored why she thinks he might be a good partner? You massively need to step back. He may be right for her, he may not, but we learn from our mistakes.

What would you have done if you’d not liked what you saw anyway? What happened to getting to know people on a face to face basis? And why on earth does the number of previous girlfriends matter? You do know that people can delete bits of info so there’s no way his instagram would’ve given you definitive answers.

There are certain apps that you can pay for which track who looks at your profile, who's blocked you etc.

I may or may not have done this when I was a heartbroken teen.

But you're not "recruiting" this man. Surely you see the difference?

I think it's possible to have a look at someone's instagram without being a stalker. I had a quick look at DSs new girlfriend's instagram account and realised I went to school with her Mum .
It's an open account for his profession - so I do think it's a bit rude of him to block you. I bet it's because your DD told him to. If you really are a stalker you'll have a look at his account from a different device anyway. I hope you've blocked him back (I would!)

I've got a 19 year old daughter. She's very strong willed and certainly not someone who could be controlled, I've certainly not managed to her whole life and from previous relationships with immature boys her own age who fuck around I think I'd be okay with her dating a 26 year old if he was more mature and behaved better than the others.

Nope can't see how this makes it better

This is the problem with helicoptering aka being controlling. She’ll go for older men because she associates and understands love as someone being in charge of her. He’s probably lovely but he’ll naturally likely be more in charge as the more established of the two. You are reaping what you sowed.

Have you explored the reason for your 'helicopter parenting'?
Might be the first place to start.
That would also focus your attention on you and give you less time to stalk your daughters relationship.
Unfortunately when parents try to/get over involved in their adult kids lives, those relationships can break down spectacularly and the parent may be left on the outside.

When I was 18 I was dating a 28 year old... thought I was so grown up and sophisticated, really I was just naive. But I was an adult, it ran its course. No insta back then, but mum just kept her views to herself and picked up the pieces after... 18 months down the line.
Don't stalk him... she has invited him into her home, so feels safe including him in "family" life. She will not invite him if she feels you are not willing to "like" him, then youll be left wondering at a distance. Just be there in case it all goes wrong, and celebrate life with them whilst it is going well for them.

I'd start another thread for that tbh. Everyone is going to be focusing on the fact you went and looked him up on instagram

You need to get a life, you are seriously overstepping in about 50 different ways

DH and I met when he was 26 and I was 19. We were both consenting adults, I wasn’t some fresh faced child like teenager.

He is now 47 and I am 40 - we’ve been together very happily for 21 years.

She’s 19. An adult. Leave her and her BF alone.🙄

Did you view his stories or accidentally like a picture? There's every chance he mentioned it to DD and she advised he block you. Or she knows what you're like so told him to block you.

When I was in my 20s, I wouldn't have wanted to think about every story I posted on the grounds my girlfriends mum would be judging it

Coz she’s an adult and he fancies her?

The age gap isn't great, but it's unrelated to you stalking his insta. What do you think you're going to find on their that your DD hasn't already seen?! I'm sure she'll have looked through his SM posts herself just because that's what you do when you fancy someone these days. And if you did see something, what would you do about it? He's not going to have posted anything incriminating (if he has even done anything bad!) and I doubt your adult daughter will be put off by him having had girlfriends before.

So what's your end game? All your achieving is making it REALLY unlikely your DD would trust you with any concerns she had, as you're so obviously bias against this guy!

Not really. It isn't that much of an age gap at their ages. She'll be 20 soon. Then you'll look even more unhinged if you're still snooping in her affairs.