Finding it hard being an older mum at school

I had dc in my teen's, 20's, 30's and 1 at 43.. I def don't miss the clique that engulfes school gates with my older dc.. Honestly op you are missing nothing....

No. I had dd at 41. I've so many mum friends some older some younger than me... keep trying x

My DC are adults and I can promise you that mum friends and the impact on your DC social life is one of those things that assumes a level of importance at the time, but when you look back, you think, what on earth was I thinking to worry about that? Because when your children get just a little older, all your success and failure to make friends and create them a social life, will be largely irrelevant. They make their own friends in line with their character and interests, and often barely speak to the DC you worked to socialise them with. If your DC want other DC round to play, invite them. I doubt many mums will say no just because you're not a particular friend of theirs.

I’m an older mum and can’t be arsed with all the school playground stuff. I rarely talk to anyone, the clique doesn’t acknowledge me and I’m well happy about it. I just rush in and rush out. I have been the youngest parent too, many years ago, and I tried far too hard to be a good school mum and somehow ended up on the board of governors 😴. I much prefer the simple quiet life I have now!

I was a similar age to you when I had kids - never had a problem making “school gate” friends - I think those types of friendships are more about sharing life stages (ie primary aged kids at same school/extra-curricular activity etc) than age per se.

And differences between eg a 40 year old and a 50 year old are probably more about personality than age.

Besides which other parents didn’t generally know my age nor I theirs.

We're here op! Just find your crew

I had dc at 37 and seem to be slightly older than the average mum on the playground (I'm 45 most still seem to be under 40) it's never affected me making friends, I'm friends with two women who are 36 and 38. I don't notice a massive difference although they can't relate to menopause symptoms.

you won’t be the only one who doesn’t fit in, can you look for the other sad sacks and make your own clique? Be brave and invite some mums to meet up - they can say no and you smile and move on

Do not sweat this. I'm an older mum, had DD2 at 42. It's absolute pot luck as to whether you'll find friends at the school gate. I did with one child but not the other. It was nothing to do with my age, and everything to do with attitude and interests.

You sure it's your age?
I had mine at 41 and 43. While they had play dates in their first school I was not really part of any mum group. But I put that more to the fact I just didn't really bond with anyone. At their second school I made a lot of friends with my older child's year mums, but not so much younger child's. But it didn't follow that it was my kids' friends' mums - it was mums I just got on with (snd still meet up with them now, even though eldest left that school five years ago),

I was an older mum, my youngest is 37 years younger than I am, but the demographic at school was most of her class were first borns, and when she was 5, I was 42, and much of the class had mums under 30.

I do think it impacted DD a bit, and me, and I do/did wonder whether the school a bit further away with slightly older parents and more SAHMs would have been better socially. But it was a nice little school who were very caring and communicative.

its really interesting to hear this, my group of ‘mum’ friends from school ranged in age from 28 to 48 when we first met. I was bang in the middle at 38. There’s 7 of us and now the kids have left school we’re all still friends.

Have you invited other children over for a play date? Has your child had a birthday party? These are good opportunities to get to know people.

Do your children do any clubs after school or at the weekend? There’s opportunities there for them to meet new friends too.

I'm not an 'older' mum and I don't fit in with the other mums. Play dates bore me. The only mum I do actually talk to and can relate to is an 'older' mum who is nearly 50 with an 8yr old (like my DS), a 19 year old (like my DD) and a 26 year old.
If they don't talk to you because of your age then they're the problem not you.

Your children will make friends naturally and this will be more valuable than arranging play dates by having to network with other parents who haven’t been friendly themselves.
I spent the majority of afterschool time with children who weren’t my friends due to mutual childcare arrangements with neighbours, hated it.

I'm an older Mum, but I think me not fitting in/lack of play dates has more to do with my personality than my age. 🫠

I never fitted in. My kids are grown up now and they're fit, healthy and happy. Don't worry about it.

Play dates are a pain, you’re missing out on nothing.

Don’t give it any headspace - focus on the friendships you have rather than chasing ones based on the age of your child.