Splitting my mum's ashes

My brother wasn't estranged in fact was Mum's main carer

In view of this, I really don’t think you should scatter her ashes without him. I think you should look into a permanent resting place for the ashes.

No, the ranger had to remove them as not appropriate either. Yup, people are idiots.

At least they're more or less where the family intended them.

Apparently Disneyland has a real problem with people smuggling in ashes to scatter. They've likely been powerwashed down a drain by the time the rest of the family have gotten off It's a small world!

Agree. A dog was sniffing around obvious remains that had been poured around an old tree next to a river, at a local beauty spot. People just don't think. But this is why we should talk about the nitty gritty (sorry) instead of coyly referring to "scattering the ashes in nature"

Interesting thread especially the religious views.

I do wish people would be considerate about scattering ashes in public places.

Eg the summit of Mt Snowdon in Wales is full of human remains. You can see them underfoot. It’s gross, feels so undignified, walking on them.

Each company will have their own rules, but if not collected within a particular timeframe the crematorium will dispose of the remains themselves., possibly in their own garden of remembrance, but not necessarily, as people need to pay extra for this usually.

We had similar with estranged siblings. I split the ashes into 3. Gave 2 to the siblings to scatter. My father didn't mind and knew my mum wouldn't have been bothered by it. But my father stated in his latest will, that he wants to be scattered whole in one particular place. Did your mum have a will, does it say anything about her wishes.

Do ashes actually have to be collected or can they be left at crematorium?

This entirely depends on whether he was estranged from your mum and why.

Actually, just checked again and it seems the rules for Catholics on this might have softened slightly recently.

I'm not opposed to splitting ashes, but I would want to know where the ashes were going to be scattered. Would your brother share that information with you?

Everybody is different. There is no need to have all ashes scattered in one place

BECAUSE everyone is different, there absolutely IS a need to have all ashes in one place, for some people

I don't see a problem at all in ashes being split and scattered by siblings. That way they each get to keep some or scatter them in a place special to them. My dad is scattered in a number of different places that were special to him. I kept some and they are in a locket. I wore this on my wedding day so part of him was with me as I walked down the aisle. Everybody is different. There is no need to have all ashes scattered in one place.

It's to do with treating the remains with reverence I think. Our priest said if you store the ashes in an urn at home obviously you are going to cherish your loved one's remains...but a few generations down the line they might end up in an attic or even a bin as people won't remember why they're important.
The Catholic Church wants remains on consecrated ground rather than scattered to the winds for reasons of reverence for the human body too afaik.

For me in the deaths of my parent and sibling I thought about who had been helpful with their care when alive. If someone had contributed nothing before death I felt free to ignore them after death.

But a cremated person has already been split as most of them has gone up the chimney, so those saying 'do not split' mean that the bone particles should be kept in the same vicinity for religious reasons, why?

Hindus cremate, and I'm pretty sure they don't bury the ashes so it will depend what your religion is?

Weirdly, I agree with this (even though as PP once scattered the ashes do split)

Sorry for your loss Op, and so sorry that this estrangement is causing additional distress.

You say that this is not what your mum would want. In which case , I would tell your brother that, then after the scattering, send him a photo of where it took place. He can pay his respects in his own time.

We scattered my mum, and I still visit the place even though those ashes are gone. It gives me comfort. I hope you find comfort too.

my dad died 2 months ago and we have had him cremated. I was very interested to hear about the process actually

yes 🤨

Firstly, sorry for your loss.

Although they burn one body at a time, surely there are remnants of the last body? It’s like a huge bucket of sand. They take out any metal items too.

My aunt wants to be sprinkled in several locations. I would think if you believe then your soul is released upon death anyway and can float wherever with the body just being a physical vessel.. - sorry not religious.

I would personally split the ashes.

As a Christian myself, we had no issues scattering them and had no "but you should be whole for the next life" - cremation itself actively destroys "the whole" in fact

And our priest is waiting to take both parents to scatter - disperse to the wind - their ashes. In church speak, if we have people coming to bury their loved one's ashes, we say "burial of cremated remains" or "internment of cremated remains". We wouldn't say scatter as people would think of them being poured out to the winds