It’s becoming unfashionable to have kids

I had a great childhood too. I noticed a lot of people have kids as some sort of "do over" when they had bad childhoods. Obviously not all, some are put off having kids exactly for that reason. But I come across it quite a bit-not necessarily on this thread, but on reddit and places. Some people seem to have a need to "give my kid the childhood I never had" instead of getting therapy. They seem to think raising a kid is a piece of piss (despite the fact their own parents failed so badly at it) and I'm just like that's such a bad reason to have a child to try and work out your own issues through! I mean if that worked we wouldn't have generational trauma would we?

But with me I have no need to do that anyway, I had an idyllic childhood (except for my siblings!) lovely parents and grandparents, and I'm happy with that. And seeing what my parents had to go through thanks to my siblings put me off years ago. They were both pretty lucky to make it out of their teen years due to reckless behaviour and accidents. I genuinely don't know how my parents coped-or my grandparents who were super close to us and worried about us a lot. I don't think you can put a price on never having to worry about getting that phone call. Things calmed down whilst I was growing up as they were much older, but they still continued to cause trouble (still do) so it never really ends.

@InterIgnis It can be rough for people who don’t have a family though, I think that’s all the poster was saying, that she doesn’t have any family now.

Compared to countries where children are being born to women that, if given a free choice, wouldn’t choose to have them/that amount of children?

Lol, as if consumerism is being presented as the negative in this situation.

Well, I have a family regardless of not having children, but you’re right that I’m not going to make compromises to accommodate something I don’t want, that I don’t have to have. I’ve got the life I want, why would I deliberately make it a shitshow for myself?

Yes, I second this. If your life before having kids was so bad that's kind of on you but that's certainly not the case for the rest of us who are blissfully child free. Claiming that people without kids don't have the capacity to feel or experience the world is simply stupid and untrue and seems more like a pathetic justification for your own life choices.

Some people also just don't like them and like having the freedom and money that you lose when you have kids. For us it has nothing to do with being unfashionable, we just couldn't be bothered and I have a load of friends who feel the same way, all of whom are very financially stable (like us).

I'm so sorry for your situation. I am also childless, mid-30s and although I have siblings, a niece and nephew, I really don't think that guarantees that I won't be incredibly lonely in the future.

Having children and/or siblings is no guarantee that that won't happen.

ETA: My drunken arsehole brother disappeared from our lives forty years ago. My sister lives in Queensland. I've recently had to put my mother into care because she had higher needs than any level of home care could manage (and certainly not on my pension).

The only thing that bothers me about living alone (I am in a retirement village) is arranging care for my cats should I have to go into hospital. Other than that, I have friends, and a support network run by the village - rather more reliable than adult children, going by what I hear. Not least since being expected to be an unpaid support worker isn't right either way.

Patronising nonsense. You're talking as if childfree posters can't even conceptualise love, as if love of one's own children is the only sort there is - you, who derides and cannot apparently understand humans (let's face it, women - men don't get this disapproval) who love other animals.

This made me laugh 😆

I saw a kid in town in a Spiderman onesie and wellies. I don't think that will catch on 😅

Even having family wont mean you have support.
Friends can be invaluable, and they are in your life out of choice... unlike family.

FFS. I've made compromises my entire adult life. I don't not have children so I can go on expensive holidays and drive fast cars.

I've spent years compromising my career to look after elderly parents (the siblings didn't bother because they have children and obviously that absolved them from any responsibilities ) )

It has sweet fa to do with wanting to 'maintain a lifestyle' and everything to do with the fact that I've never, ever wanted children. What would you have me do? Have a child just to prove I'm not a greedy, self centred, pitiable, miserable, dried out old crone?

The way some parents are posting on this thread - you'd think there are no children subject to abuse by the people who birthed them, because anyone who gives birth is a paragon of all the virtues, and on a pedestal above all others.

I suspect once my eldest leaves home, he will rarely be in touch

Why?! Aren't you upset by the thought of this? I'd be devastated

But to be fair, even if you had kids, they may not live near or be that bothered. I suspect once my eldest leaves home, he will rarely be in touch. Just like me and my parents. Nothing against my parents, we're just very different people. They have their lives, I have mine. We're a family happy in company and alone.

Kids are very unfashionable. Mine wear terrible trainers.

Oh god, this is an exact description of my future. Absolutely dreading it and have felt suicidal at times over the life that lies ahead for me.

@Comedycook

People on low incomes past and present have children. It's not cost of living per se, it's an unwillingness to change standards of living I see with my dc's friends. They want to be carefree

It's only the West that's swapping family life for consumerism...

Only in certain circles. I do think people also don't want to make the compromises that it requires to have a family (financial, social, career etc.) I see young people not wanting to give up their lifestyles, but not all, my dc want dc

See now I don't agree with the post you quoted, I think it's a very cynical and almost smug way for childfree people to look at people with children. But I also don't agree with your post either, I think anyone who feels pity for people who don't make the same life choices as they do are very narrowminded.

their human capacity to feel and experience the world will never be opened up.

This could be said about almost anything! I know the love that DH and I share is pretty spectacular. I also know that it's quite rare and some people may never experience the kind of "movie love" that we have.

But then the love I have for my kids is spectacular and I never knew you could love like that until my first dd was born.

Then we got our dog and I never knew I was capable of loving an animal as much as I love him.

Then my DSD had DGD and I never knew I could love another child I wasn't related to by blood as much as I love my kids. But, I do!

It's pretty condescending to tell childfree people they'll never experience love in the way a parent does.

The post above and this one are all that the post above deserve.

https://www.tiktok.com/@yomamathon/video/7398695710675193119

@Housebuyingfamily

It’s impossible to communicate to the child free in the same way I can’t tell you what seeing the colour red is like.

All I can try and say is having kids opens up an entire extra half of emotion and experience. I look at my child free friends yes with envy on their freedoms but also pity because half of their heart, their human capacity to feel and experience the world will never be opened up.

I have children - now grown, and this made me utterly cringe. Like a pp said - I feel embarrassed for you.

I don't envy childfree people - never have! I was one myself til my early 30s, so I know what being childfree is like! But I also don't pity them. Yes it's fine and lovely to have babies/children and they bring a lot of joy to peoples lives (along with a side order of stress, and a main course of spending a load of money!)

But there are plenty more things in life that people can enjoy apart from raising sproglets! Being a mother is wonderful (for me) but it's only part of who and what I am. Being a mother does not define me.

Anyway, to pity childfree people is just horrible and mean, and really just plain bloody daft! 😬

Argh

I look at my child free friends yes with envy on their freedoms but also pity because half of their heart, their human capacity to feel and experience the world will never be opened up.

Patronising horseshit like this is precisely why people without children often feel they are being asked to justify themselves.

I am actually embarrassed for you.