It’s becoming unfashionable to have kids

You’re right. Many describe themselves as child free because they feel their life would not be enriched by children and is enriched by not having children. Some people seem to struggle grasping that.

Many parents on anonymous groups (Reddit, Facebook) are speaking out about how much they HATE being parents. It’s not a great experience for everyone.

I used to work in foster care and also worked in schools and it’s evident to me a lot of people don’t love being parents, many just about tolerate it and some hate it - and of course thankfully many love it too.

Not at all, people just realise that to do a good job kids are a huge time and resource investment, and also there's other things in life. Kids aren't the only option, as it was even 20 years ago when it was just a given

Completely agree. I was thrown out my siblings house (where I was staying briefly until I found a new flatshare ) once at 8pm in the middle of London after a minor disagreement and who took me in for a couple of weeks after I wandered about with my suitcase for an hour trying to figure out what to do to avoid sleeping on the streets? A friend!

I can give so many examples of people who have had toxic or unsupportive or estranged family and it’s sad and not ideal, but that’s the reality- sometimes family is what you create in your friends. If you speak to therapists sooo many issues are caused by people feeling they have to be loyal and stay in contact with toxic and harmful family.

I’m closer to my godchildren - the children of friends I’ve had my whole adult life - than my younger cousins who are of a similar age, I tried to make an effort with the latter but it wasn’t reciprocated 🤷‍♀️

Someone who desperately wants children but isn't able to have them for whatever reason may feel like their life is ''less than''.

Childless may feel more accurate to someone in their circumstances. However someone feels regarding not having children, they should be able to describe it how they like anyway, be it child free, childless or something else.

No one’s life is “less than” because they don’t have children, whether or not that is by choice.

The same can be said about childless when describing people who are happily child free. It suggests that their lives are less than because they aren't parents, especially when talking about women who are child free by choice.

Those who are child free by choice feel that their lives are enriched and fulfilling without children. Fair enough. I don't blame them for feeling like child free describes them more accurately than childless.

And the majority of people who choose to not have children also find their lives enriched.

I like that there's now a distinction between childfree (by choice) and childless (possibly not by choice, and with some level of grief or sadness), because it allows me to be more thoughtful about how I discuss the subject.

Childfree and proud.

The expression Child free suggests people who have children have sacrificed their freedom and become trapped in a lesser lifestyle. The reality is the majority of parents find the opposite is true and their lives are enriched.

In every country, there is a correlation between level of maternal education, deferred childbearing, and fewer children. Choice and power count for more than mammalian urges.

From the other side I have 3 dc (2 planned and no 3 was very much unplanned) and I sometimes feel embarrassed about having so many. I work in sustainability which doesn’t really help. I find people are always shocked when I tell them I have 3, it sounds and certainly feels like a lot! I feel like I’m judged for it. Amongst my colleagues it’s more normal to have no children than a big family.

What is total rubbish?

@k1233 I agree that long term, a smaller human population will be better for the planet.

I also agree that perhaps we currently focus too much on extending life and it would be better to focus more on technology to replace the dwindling younger population. My 86-year-old Dad, for example, isn’t interested in living until he’s 100 and wants v. limited medical intervention.

I suspect that in the next century, there’ll be an interim period when the world has many older people and not enough young people. That’s where technology will hopefully plug the gap. Today’s 30-year-olds may have their knees replaced by machines in 2054!
If we don’t develop the technology, life will be truly crappy for a while.

I think child free is perfectly fine, although there is a slight implication that people with children aren’t free, instead weighed down by their offspring!

Equally, marriage free = not married and single= partner free. 🤣

I can't see it as a bad thing. It's good for the planet to curb human reproduction. The more humans on the planet, the more destruction of environments as they build housing, consume resources etc

I have two young children and of course there are LOADS of people in our area with children, and we know lots of them via playgroups, nursery, school, etc - so our world-view is quite full of children....

BUT I'm in my late 20s and almost none of our close social circle want children, if they do they are only planning to have one. There is a definite view of it seeming as though you don't have a full and enjoyable life if you need a child to 'complete' it. Particularly for the women.

What term would you use then if both childless and child free are both dreadful?

I think child free perfectly describes those who don't want to have children by choice.

But what's wrong with that?

Someone with 10 DC at my DCs school, loads with 4DC - idiots like myself 😄

I know so many with 4!

The one expression I really can't stand though is child-free. It used to be described as childless.

Because for many of us it’s an active choice, not something lacking from our lives.

Well I'm delighted to find out that after a lifetime spent not worrying about fashion, I am now inadvertently on trend.

Humour, folks, a riff on the preposterous notion of a 'child-free lobby' exerting sociopolitical influence. Lobby, atrium, geddit?

I'm amusing myself at least, I keep adding bits to it.

—
It's a graceful marbled atrium (uncluttered by buggies, scooters, skateboards), full of luxuriant plants (which no one has yanked out), where you can sip tea or coffee (which hasn't gone cold) from fine china (unbroken), savour delicacies from around the world (instead of leftover baby puree on a half-eaten rice cake), chased by a cocktail or spirit, or two (because you can) from delicate glassware (not a plastic sippy cup in sight). The air is fresh and clean (no nappy or deodorant fumes) and you can hear birdsong overhead (instead of shrieks, a thud, then ominous silence). Your every whim is immediately catered to (no repetition required), and any mess is whisked away and fixed (by other people!). You can enjoy adult conversation (uninterrupted), and the music of your choice (no Teletubbies or Blue's Clues or Dora Exploring on perpetual loop). You can wallow (sans flotilla of plastic toys) in a hot bubble bath (no diluting to lukewarm) in peace (without small visitors demanding to be let in). You can sleep on freshly laundered sheets (no snot, or sick, or mysterious sticky bits) like a starfish (alone! taking all the space!) dreaming blissfully (undisturbed by others' nightmares) for as long as you like (no alarms or wailing). You can watch a movie straight through to the end (instead of intermittent 5 minute snatches) and get lost in any book, in all the books (without learning the same 20 pages by heart, with voices). There is not a single piece of lego underfoot.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with couples who decide that bringing up children is not for them. Personally I adore babies and children of all ages and love nurturing them.The one expression I really can't stand though is child-free. It used to be described as childless.I don't know which is worse,both are dreadful.

Having children as a young couple is financially unattainable (if you go down the route society typically expects: marriage (expensive) house (expensive) then kids.

Whilst I find anyone fawning over dogs like kids unappealing, it’s like coffee and avocados: more affordable in the short term.

It's not becoming 'unfashionable'. It's the first time in history that women are able to make a fully informed choice, and it turns out, that choice is often a 'no'. But humankind as a whole will always breed - we're just animals at the end of the day with base instincts

I actually think it is quite sad that human beings seem to find it difficult to lead balanced lives with plenty of variety. So it is either the party animal, or complete domestic bliss, there is an area in-between that most people seem to have difficulty achieving.