It’s becoming unfashionable to have kids

Anyone watched Children Ruin Everything on Netflix? Theme tune is I love my children but children ruin everything. Children can at times be delightful - but they can often be little horrors too.

If biology had not equipped us with strong urges to procreate even fewer women would have children, it is not a sensible decision.

I agree with this. I've some sympathy for the time pressures of working and parenting but some parents really do become very boring. I always wonder if they are the ones that turn into the intense grandparents that feature in some threads by new parents trying to manage them.

I have a kid but I completely agree.

DH and I both get free time, separately (mainly) and together, and go off to do non-kid stuff - gym, pub, gigs, meals out, short breaks, hiking, etc.

We even have friends who are childfree 😱

Its healthy for us and healthy for DD.

Some people really don’t have any hobbies,passions or interests outside of their children/grandchildren and can’t imagine wanting to do something like going to a concert or any activity that is not child centred.

Reading MN i know i made the right choice to be childless and single.

What does make me laugh is some people i know an have read about on here.
Say they dont claim any benefits none at all but yet still claim child benefit that is still a benefit or working tax credit its still a benefit.

I think if you want kids you pay for them.
Or CM hundreds a month and yet its still not enough for some.
Children are not piggy banks or a free ticket to get your own way.

This is breathtakingly simplistic and ignorant.

You realise it’s not a binary “either/or” scenario? People can both have children and go to concerts, newsflash. People without children sometimes don’t go to concerts. And what exactly is “grim” about going to concerts? Can you articulate this properly or are you just lashing out?

I have a 13 year old DD and have never stopped going to concerts. She now comes with me and is now passionate about music. Which I think is a good thing.

So in your world parenthood entails giving up any kind of entertainment, leisure activity or diversion that doesn’t directly involve your children? What the fuck do you do at weekends? Sit around watching kids TV?

I feel sorry for people whose parents have this little imagination. Your kids will resent for being this narrow minded and dull.

Does it not just indicate that this person's life doesn't have children in it, the way gluten free or dairy free might? Feel like you're projecting a bit...

Great that they have a choice. What's the alternative? Incentivising women to have children? Forcing them?

I agree, Op. I know loads of couples who are child-free by choice.

@Galoop people who have unsuitable or absent or abusive partners,

I think you meant to say ‘people who are unsuitable or who are abusive’, your post reads like it’s the fault of the abused partner.

I wonder if it's partly because a lot of people now in their 30s and 40s grew up watching stuff like Jeremy Kyle or those "who's the baby daddy" US shows. It definitely made me really judgemental about people making badly thought out decisions to bring children into difficult circumstances.

In addition to the "don't get pregnant, you'll ruin your life" message many of us had as teens as a PP mentioned I think we see having children as a high risk thing.

Grown adults in their 40s and 50s revolving their life around kids it seems a bit grim. I looks and wonder if it is really worth dedicating your life to? I mean you could spend the odd day with nephews and still have had a concert, but for that to just be your life. It seems a waste.

Nice that we’re all different and have choices about how we live our lives, isn’t it.

There will never be a dip in benefits birthrates as single parents get a lot of money for their kids and when you are young, a home and an extra few hundred pounds is a LOT. Ok it's now capped at two children, which is a start but no woman where I live (not the south) worries about childcare etc.. unless they are actually in full time work and earning a decent wage. This needs addressing and more help needs to be given to middle income families.

Marriage isn’t expensive though. The weddings people choose to have are expensive but that’s quite different.

I like it as a point of distinguishing between those who never wanted kids and actively chose not to have them. And those of us who probably wanted children but were unable to (for a variety of reasons).

I see your point in that both have a value judgment associated. I prefer “doesn’t have children”.

Far too many people are having kids that shouldn't be. People who have their kids in childcare more than they actually see them, people who have unsuitable or absent or abusive partners, people with mental health issues who can barely look after themselves, then pass it onto the children, people who don't even have enough food or money to provide for them, unsuitable housing, people who already have children, then remarry and have more and forget about the other kids. The lost goes on and on and on.

People seem a lot more sensible about having dc now vs previous generations.

I have kids and I like the term childfree. It sounds positive which is great. I don’t take it as a criticism of me.

I must have missed this ‘childfree movement’. Where is it and how do people join?

I have two young adult children. They still called me untold amount of worry. I do sometimes wonder if life would have been easier without them, as much as I adore them.

When people say they are childfree, I am happy that there is now a choice. Even if the reason is because of the cost-of-living crisis, it is still a choice. I am particularly delighted when women embrace their childfree status and don’t give in to social pressures to reproduce. Having children should not be the default. Other options are available.

I reckon many childfree people put far more thought into planning their lives than people who automatically have children.

I am in my 50s. When I look at my parents and their generation, the ones who seem most content are not the ones who have lots of children. They are the ones who have lots of friends and a good and active social life.

My anecdotal experience is that the childfree people I know, are pretty damn content. I sometimes look at their Christmas Day plans with friends and envy them.

I don’t know if having children is unfashionable now. But thinking that all people should have children if they can, is an incredibly old-fashioned viewpoint to me.

Of course people can describe themselves how they like. As going by your user name you have children, it’s not for you to say how anyone who doesn’t have children should feel about it. Technically I’m childless not by choice due to fertility issues. Never conceived despite loads of IVF etc. Now on my early 60s I am at peace with not being a mother and am actually enjoying life. I identify more with childfree these days.

Grim? Do you know the meaning of that word?

I have kids but who cares if someone just wants to go to concerts (if these people actually exist?). Some people adore live music so why shouldn’t they??

I don't think it's become unfashionable at all. Just people are more aware that they have other options in life now. Women have more choices. Having kids has never been a cool or fashionable thing to do, it's just been the only path available to a lot of women for most of history.

Choosing to have no or fewer children because of finances also isn't anything to do with being "fashionable" or not. The people I know with high incomes are all having the exact number of children they want. And for most of them, that's one or two. No "trends" or considerations of what's "fashionable". The child free people I know are staying that way because they personally want to (either totally free choice, or they'd be open to having them but financially they decided it's not worth it to).

Probably a good thing! More and more people are growing up to not be taxpayers anyway, so even that as a reason is a fallacy.

@Galoop. Overall though, the birth rate is decreasing. 1.49 in England Wales in 2022. That’s pretty low.

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2024/feb/23/birthrate-in-uk-falls-to-record-low-as-campaigners-say-procreation-is-a-luxury#:~:text=Total%20fertility%20was%201.49%20children,steady%20population%20without%20significant%20immigration.

All this @Galoop so so true. If only the people who were equipped to raise kids properly were having kids, the birth rate would be far lower.

I know a woman who has 7 kids from 7 men, the fathers are not involved in most cases and she has the kids in and out of foster care. When they are with her even on weekends they have been badly neglected at times .

She seems to think the whole thing is a joke and says she wants to get to 11 for a football team. It’s heartbreaking. The men involved are equally irresponsible as well of course. It’s like she’s known in their circle as a breeder or something and it’s a perfect set up for them knowing she doesn’t particularly want them around. A lot of men like reproducing but not actually providing for and taking care of the child so this must suit them 😣

Quite the opposite. Far too many people are having kids that shouldn't be. People who have their kids in childcare more than they actually see them, people who have unsuitable or absent or abusive partners, people with mental health issues who can barely look after themselves, then pass it onto the children, people who don't even have enough food or money to provide for them, unsuitable housing, people who already have children, then remarry and have more and forget about the other kids. The lost goes on and on and on.