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AIBU?

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Original poster

To consider reporting him

215 replies

cantbelieveimaskingthis2 · 18/08/2024 17:25

I have a much younger brother who is now in his late 20s. He had a very difficult childhood as our parents have a lot of problems (disability, mental illness and some substance abuse), and whilst they love/d us, they often couldn’t care well for us. After I left home my bro was quite neglected, physically and emotionally.

I love him to bits, he was a gorgeous child. But I fear has not grown into a very nice adult.

The dilemma is this. He went to uni but having graduated with an ok degree, he has never had a job, ever. He doesn’t want to work in an office (fair enough) and has had various ideas but never settled on anything. However he rents a decent flat (i think a housing benefit scam maybe), always has plenty of disposable income. He travels extensively. He doesn’t live extravagantly but he has nice clothes, and travels well, ie: eats out for 3 meals a day for 6 months of the year when he is abroad.

It’s become apparent to me recently what is staring my family in the face which is there is no way he is coming by this money legally. My parents believe him when he says he’s just very frugal with his benefits money. But I know what things cost and there’s no way people on the dole can afford to be living it up in Thailand for months at a time? When I’ve asked him he’s given various excuses or deflections about investing in crypto but a few questions show he knows nothing about crypto so its obviously not true.

Our family are poor working class, there are no secret inheritances or anything.

So. I have concluded he’s probably up to no good but I can’t be sure. He‘s a gentle giant and i couldn’t imagine him harming anyone but he is a big bloke. He could if he wanted to. And with the amount of money and travel, it feels like he’s not small-time dabbling either. I have this feeling he’s doing something bad-bad. Something that could get him in real trouble. Or hurt. Or others hurt. But I have no evidence.

WIBU to report him to the police to try and force him out of whatever mess he is in?

I know for sure he will not listen even if I beg him to stop whatever it is I think he’s up to. After all he’s living his best life I guess.

OP posts:
KerryBlues · 18/08/2024 17:54

cantbelieveimaskingthis2 · 18/08/2024 17:49

Yes I can see which is why i’m posting. I’m not asking if people think he’s up to no good. I’m sure he is.

Do you think I should report him is the question. Because in doing so I could perhaps prevent a worse outcome of him being killed or facing consequences overseas somewhere the prisons are a lot worse than here

Show quote history

But there’s nothing concrete to report, other than him living beyond his means.

AyrshireTryer · 18/08/2024 17:51

Op - I think my brother is a drug smuggler
PC - What makes you think that
OP - He can afford many things I can't when he is on the dole.
PC - Have you seen him with drugs
OP - No
PC - erm...

Original poster
cantbelieveimaskingthis2 · 18/08/2024 17:49

KerryBlues · 18/08/2024 17:46

So not a gentle giant at all, then 🤔
Of course he’s into something dodgy, op.
A blind man on a galloping horse could see that.

Show quote history

Yes I can see which is why i’m posting. I’m not asking if people think he’s up to no good. I’m sure he is.

Do you think I should report him is the question. Because in doing so I could perhaps prevent a worse outcome of him being killed or facing consequences overseas somewhere the prisons are a lot worse than here

OP posts:
Original poster
cantbelieveimaskingthis2 · 18/08/2024 17:47

LaurieFairyCake · 18/08/2024 17:43

He's a drug smuggler ?

He will eventually get caught

That’s what I fear.

And if he’s caught in some of the places he goes to, he’d face the death penalty.

If i reported him in the UK and he was arrested here I could prevent that happening at least

OP posts:
KerryBlues · 18/08/2024 17:46

cantbelieveimaskingthis2 · 18/08/2024 17:38

Well remembered, yes I did post a while back, though with a different question. That was about whether I could help him. I heard the responses, and I agree I don’t think he wants help. This is a bit of a different question I didn’t ask at the time, about whether it would be the ethical thing to do to alert the police about my suspicions, on the basis that it feels like a matter of time before he comes to harm. But then he’d come to harm in prison too so… i don’t know.

One slight point of correction - he wasn’t violent in front of my kids. He freaked them our because his behaviour was odd. Him breaking things was later when all kids in bed. He’d never hurt them, but I have decided not to have them in contact with him as I am worried about his lifestyle choices.

Show quote history

So not a gentle giant at all, then 🤔
Of course he’s into something dodgy, op.
A blind man on a galloping horse could see that.

Original poster
cantbelieveimaskingthis2 · 18/08/2024 17:44

PonyPatter44 · 18/08/2024 17:38

I can't see anything about him being violent- was that mentioned in another post?

OP, he is probably involved in the drugs trade to a greater or lesser degree. You can report him if you like but the police won't do anything overt just on your say-so. He might be under surveillance already, in which case your report might help to corroborate their suspicions.

Your best bet is to strengthen your own boundaries around him. Don't tolerate poor behaviour from him, don't get involved with him financially, call him out on obvious bullshit if you like (he is your brother, after all).

The poster recalled another post (written under a different user ID, so kudos to them for remembering the details) about the same brother. I said I was worried about him and questioned whether i could do an intervention of some sort.

There was a family gathering where he frightened my kids and caused damage to a rental property which was in my name and scared the grownups. Him being crazy and causing damage was when the kids were in bed, he wasn’t violent to or in front of them, though his behaviour in general was out of line. He scared the kids because his behaviour was odd, no sense of boundaries etc.

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 18/08/2024 17:43

He's a drug smuggler ?

He will eventually get caught

Original poster
cantbelieveimaskingthis2 · 18/08/2024 17:40

Kangarude · 18/08/2024 17:37

What can you report him for? You don’t know what he’s doing so nothing you could tell the police about

Dunno… my suspicions? I can make a pretty educated guess as to what all those trips to thailand and mexico are about

OP posts:
ilovelamp82 · 18/08/2024 17:39

Yes you would be unreasonable. He's your brother. What exactly would you tell the police? And what do you think they would do?

If he is up to no good, he can suffer the consequences by himself.

PonyPatter44 · 18/08/2024 17:38

I can't see anything about him being violent- was that mentioned in another post?

OP, he is probably involved in the drugs trade to a greater or lesser degree. You can report him if you like but the police won't do anything overt just on your say-so. He might be under surveillance already, in which case your report might help to corroborate their suspicions.

Your best bet is to strengthen your own boundaries around him. Don't tolerate poor behaviour from him, don't get involved with him financially, call him out on obvious bullshit if you like (he is your brother, after all).

Original poster
cantbelieveimaskingthis2 · 18/08/2024 17:38

Catza · 18/08/2024 17:31

Pretty sure you already posted about him a couple of months ago. Was there something in that thread that wasn’t covered?
As we told you last time, your brother doesn’t want any help. You don’t know about the source of his income so there is nothing to report. And you should step away as he is being violent in front of your kids.

Well remembered, yes I did post a while back, though with a different question. That was about whether I could help him. I heard the responses, and I agree I don’t think he wants help. This is a bit of a different question I didn’t ask at the time, about whether it would be the ethical thing to do to alert the police about my suspicions, on the basis that it feels like a matter of time before he comes to harm. But then he’d come to harm in prison too so… i don’t know.

One slight point of correction - he wasn’t violent in front of my kids. He freaked them our because his behaviour was odd. Him breaking things was later when all kids in bed. He’d never hurt them, but I have decided not to have them in contact with him as I am worried about his lifestyle choices.

OP posts:
Kangarude · 18/08/2024 17:37

What can you report him for? You don’t know what he’s doing so nothing you could tell the police about

Original poster
cantbelieveimaskingthis2 · 18/08/2024 17:34

YankSplaining · 18/08/2024 17:32

He‘s a gentle giant and i couldn’t imagine him harming anyone but he is a big bloke.

Is he a big handsome bloke? Is it possible he’s gotten sexually involved with a rich person who’s financing his life?

I don’t think so. But couldn’t rule it out. He is conventionally attractive, but not very charming

OP posts:
YankSplaining · 18/08/2024 17:32

He‘s a gentle giant and i couldn’t imagine him harming anyone but he is a big bloke.

Is he a big handsome bloke? Is it possible he’s gotten sexually involved with a rich person who’s financing his life?

Catza · 18/08/2024 17:31

Pretty sure you already posted about him a couple of months ago. Was there something in that thread that wasn’t covered?
As we told you last time, your brother doesn’t want any help. You don’t know about the source of his income so there is nothing to report. And you should step away as he is being violent in front of your kids.

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